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Dyinghere posted 1/5/2014 12:25 PM

I am so broken. My heart physically hurts. I know I am in a deep depression. Meds have not started to work yet. I am just so profoundly sad, every minute. I don't know how to dig out of this feeling of agony.

I feel unwanted. Left out. Disregarded.

I feel not good enough.

He is staying and he has left her. I am grateful for that. . But I am just torn to bits.

BarelyAfloat posted 1/5/2014 12:27 PM


I am so sorry for you pain. I am right there with you feeling the same feelings.

Hang in there. I honestly believe there is a brighter future. Just work on being the best you, you can be and everything else will fall into place (with or without him).

I truly believe that.

Chrysalis123 posted 1/5/2014 12:39 PM


I am so sorry you are suffering today. I know what it felt like to be torn to bits. It sucks.

What can you do today, some little tiny thing that will make you laugh? Just a little laugh... You can't be in agony and laugh at the same time.....give it a try.

Then tomorrow try to laugh twice, or maybe add in deep appreciation for like the cuteness of a kitten, or the beauty of the sunset.

This horrible time will pass. One thing I know for sure is nothing stays the same.

mof2 posted 1/5/2014 12:40 PM

((((Dyinghere)))). Ugh...I just hurt for the BS who have just found out. Do everything you can to keep your chin up and know that you have support here...we all understand. It is definitely painful but know that you will get through this!!!!

Howie posted 1/5/2014 12:50 PM

The pain is very bad, I know. I thought it would kill me; I didn't need to hurt myself, my system just wouldn't stand it. Only victims know what it is like. There will be hard days and weeks, but the good of your life is still there and it starts to shine through. Trust me about this! So many things-people that value you and need you.Work you can do. Differences you can make,things you've always enjoyed and also, something deeper that may seem out of touch right now, your pride and identity as a person.
Cheaters always have reasons. But nothing justifies the lies and deceits. Cheaters do the easy thing; the hard, admirable thing is faithfulness and honesty.Which is one thing to learn: you are nobler than you partner. Don't despair.Seek professional help as needed. Medication/counseling can help-they did me.Don't despair.. your good life is still here, waiting for you after the bad times. And no one or no thing has the right to take your life from you,including this situation.
Hang in there.Please.

RidingHealingRd posted 1/5/2014 23:00 PM

Infidelity is so painful. All that you are feeling is normal. The tremendous pain, the gut wrenching sadness ~ it feels so permanent but it is not. You will dig your way out one day at a time.

I can remember when I passed by a mirror in my home and barely recognized myself. The sadness I witnessed in that mirror actually frightened me. At that moment I understood what my WH had been saying when he spoke these words, "I see the pain in your eyes every single day"

It took a long time but I am okay. I feel like myself again, thae sadness is gone, my M survived...I survived!

My IC gave me advice that worked: "Keep your hands busy. Work on a puzzle, needlework, crafting, gardening. Studies show when your hands are busy it helps keeps your mind from wandering. It will keep you from constantly revisiting that very painful place"

It may not feel like it right now but you are going to be okay.


BAB61 posted 1/5/2014 23:44 PM

(((((Dyinghere))))) It's been said before, but I'll say it again. You will be ok, with or without him. YOU will be ok. A couple of books to read: Surviving Infidelity by Liz Currin Phd and After the Affair by Janis Abrahms Spring, Phd.

A great book for you WH is Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass.

(((((Dyinghere))))) you are not alone. Ever ...

Dyinghere posted 1/6/2014 00:00 AM

I know logically that getting moving will help. But other than caring for my children I just don't have anything to give.

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

If any of you pray, please pray for me.

Gotmegood posted 1/6/2014 00:17 AM

I know that you really are dying there, I was too in the beginning. What struck a chord with me was the 'caring for your children'. Right after I found out (2 days after), I had to go care for my grandchildren as my daughter was really, really sick. And it was all I could manage, like you are saying. But that's okay!! No, it's not the normal you. Be glad you can do the stuff you absolutely HAVE to do, then crash. You only have to do the absolutely necessary stuff. Your normal self will come back, slowly, but she will. Believe all of us.

RidingHealingRd posted 1/7/2014 01:02 AM

I pray...I will pray for you.

MJane posted 1/7/2014 08:58 AM

((Dyinghere)) - the first weeks are the worst - the shock, the despair - I felt i didn't know what my world was about anymore. That my H, who as my best friend was capable of the degree of cruelty and, worse, complete apathy in respect of me and our new child broke my heart. I am still broken and still picking up the pieces but I see the other things in life that I have and I feel I can make it through. Others have said it and just want to reassure you - you are stronger than you think, you pull through for your children, yourself and the fact that what this person did to you is not all that defines you - you are much more than that. I am so very sorry for your pain - post on SI whenever the pain gets too much - there is always someone here and I am so grateful for all the support I find here.

cardnial posted 1/7/2014 09:16 AM

I will pray for you. Keep posting and reading. I am 6 months into this nightmare but I have to say it does get better. I am learning to love and value myself more now. Hang in there dear.

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