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Newest Member: NumbEmptySad (61504)

User Topic: what do I do now???
♀ 31722
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in "stealthland" (thanks Skan). Getting ducks in a row, no real emotional connection to H.

But here is my problem:

Last month I settled a lawsuit due to 2 car accidents. H knew I went to mediation, as I was gone all day. Knows I settled.

I was VERY vague to the settled $$ amounts (told him less than the actual total), and when I will rec. the $$.

Well, it is soon gonna be deposited in my account.

MY account! NOT ours.

Since he knows nothing of our pending D/S, and will want to know the particulars I am at a loss as to what to say. I do all the finances so I am thinking of just saying it got deposited, and leave it at that. His inheritance was put in our joint, but there is NO WAY in hell I am gonna do that.

I can only put this off so long. I feel like the cat may come out of the bag waaaaaaay before I am ready.


Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1599 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
♀ 41181
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not say anything, except a vague, 'well you know how long these things can take' ... and don't give details about anything.

Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chances are that during the divorce process financial statements will be required and he will discover the deposit. You would be better off if you did not have it deposited anywhere, cashed a settlement check, and hide the cash someplace safe. But, if he knows there was a settlement in mediation, all he has to do is subpoena the insurance company and he will still find out when it was distributed and how much it was. Every state is different, and though inheritances not used for "the benefit of the marriage" are usually excluded from the distribution, you need to see if the same applies to your insurance settlement. If it does apply, then you are perfectly safe in depositing into your own account.

BS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - 2 adult DDs - DS20 Deceased
Happily divorced!

~Indifference - Because some people do not deserve your emotions.~

I edit often because my tablet is possessed!

Posts: 4954 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Land of Indifference
♀ 31722
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BAB - that is kind of my thinking at this point. My L has just left on vacation, we just got back, waiting on paperwork, blah, blah, blah.

Phoenix- in our state settlements, and inheritance, become joint only IF I allow him access to it, or put it in our joint account. As long as it is in my name only it cannot be part of any settlement.

(hence that is why I pushed SO hard to get his check in our account!! ) bitch, I know, but oh well wouldn't be here if not for him!!

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1599 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh well done! ^^^^ Frankly, I would just tell him that you don't know when the check is going to come in. How long are you waiting until you file? I certainly wouldn't volunteer ANY info about the settlement at all until disclosure.

Of course, the moment that you know that you're filing and he'll be served, you ARE going to take 1/2 of what's in the joint account, right?

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10065 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♂ 41863
Member # 41863
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lawyers almost always look at bank statements for the last two years for all accounts, his yours ours. Him putting his inheritance into a joint account made the inheritance a joint asset. The money became comingled. You can try and "hide" your settlement dollars but it will be found and will be split.

Most car insurance settlements in Arizona are community property based on the fact the car was community property. I knew a person who that the same thing who divorced in Az. It ended up being community prop.

Posts: 36 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 31722
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Skan, your points are EXACTLY what I am thinking! And yes, the money will most definitely be divided BEFORE I say a word.

LME, yes his money is now "comingled". He could have kept it to himself, and there would not be anything I could do about it. although I would have to disclose the amount, if it is separate it stays separate. This is per a few lawyers, and people who have btdt.

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1599 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
♂ 34236
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Letmeout-- Each state is different so she needs to have her lawyer sort that out for her. By her postings, it sounds like she already has. Also, the car accident payout might be for bodily harm injury and not just proceeds from community property damage. The co-mingling issue can get complicated. In some jurisdictions so long as you can properly trace the proceeds/funds, they might still be separate.

Endeavor to persevere.

Posts: 636 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
♀ 31722
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bodily harm injury

crisp, ^^this is exactly what it is for. I have some permanent damages to my poor, old body!

So far he hasn't brought it up, and my L is still out of town. So far, so good.

Skan, it, unfortuantely, will be quite some time before I can file. Don't want to rock the boat until our biz is sold. Makes me want to crawl in a cave

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1599 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Topic Posts: 9

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