Question
My wife was involved in an affair with a coworker. It lasted from June 2012 to July 2013. I'm told the physical part did not start until feb of 2013 but preceding that she would either show him naked pics of herself that she had on her phone or text him pics of herself.
We have been having a hard time talking about her A. There has been a lot of TT since she confessed in October.
I understand she feels humiliated and embarrassed but I can't help wondering if that is the only reason. I get a lot of 'I don't knows' or 'I don't remembers'. That gets very frustrating after awhile because I am the type that wants to know everything.
The hardest thing for her to talk about is the sex. She can't tell me when it began, when it ended. She cannot give me an idea of how many times they had sex either at work or at his apartment. These are things that are important to me.
But what bothers me the most is that she insists the sex was not enjoyable. I have a hard time believing that. It could possibly be true but for right now I don't believe that.
She tells me that she never thought it would progress to the physical part. She would send him pics so he would give her attention, tell her how pretty or hot she looked, make her feel wanted. I understand that. I know she has big self esteem issues. But on the other hand she told me that it reached a point where the pics weren't enough for him and he wanted something more. That's when she began giving him blowjobs at work because she did not want to lose the attention, her high, the feeling that she was exciting and wanted. Then the bjs got old and he wanted more so they started screwing at work.
I'm told whenever she gave him a blow job it was done as quickly as she could do it. There was no passion, no feelings. It was like she owed him this because her was giving her attention. I'm told the same thing about when they would screw. It was always in the same position and it would be over with very quickly. She really stresses the point that he never got what I got. He never got her heart, her passion. She just did what she felt she had to do. Isn't sex during an A usually exciting and passionate? Am I being handed a bunch of BS here or could it be true that the sex didn't mean anything to her...it was the price she paid for her fix?
For some reason that just does not sound right to me. I mean I was lied to constantly during her A so that it couldcontinue. The whole focus of her life was the A, getting her high. She stopped doing things that she loved to do, the kids suffered, I suffered. And all of that was because she could feel good about herself because someone new thought she was sexy? So much seems to be missing from her story but maybe I am missing something. I'm just trying to understand this but much of the time it just does not sound right to me.
She tells me everything is a blur; she lived for the moment and she didn't even realize the A went on for as long as it did. How could that even be possible; to lose track of time like that?
I'd appreciate some insight on this. I don't know if I am being to judgmental or maybe I am not seeing something right. I just want everything out in the open and I don't like feeling that there are things yet to be said. I don't want this to be white washed. What I want us to know what I am dealing with.