I can remember having some feelings similar to what you describe in your wife. It took my wife quite some time to really get what she'done. She was trying, but it was over a year before I truly felt she got it.
GotMyLife mentions non-verbal. When I started seeing the remorse come out of my wife in the form of anguished looks or moist eyes, it helped to validate the words. We'd be watching a show and some reference to infidelity would come up (happens a lot) and I could "see" it affect her and the non-verbal stuff started translating to verbal that felt more sincere.
That isn't to say she wasn't trying all that time before. I'm just saying that at some point it seemed more genuinely about my healing.
You're here on this board, so you are clearly working at it. Keep working at it. Keep trying to show her you understand and regret the pain you've caused.
She has a lot of healing to do and you'll just need to keep plugging away trying to help. You work on you and you work on the two of you and you help her to heal. Its a journey that is going to take time.
Don't spend too much energy sorting through how to stop projecting a "me" vibe. Just go about projecting a her vibe. Talk to her about what you can do to help her heal. Tell her you can see her pain. Tell her you know you caused it. Work at making things her focused when you're trying to comfort her.
That doesn't mean don't work on you. If you can do counseling, have at it. Work on you.
All that is based on just reading your one post. I don't/can't have any insight into your world. But, you're describing a woman that is telling you that she needs something more and different from you. The best way to find out what she needs is to talk to her.