Actually, I'm right in the middle of five years between the discovery and the actual divorce... and he moved out on New Year's Eve 5 years ago.
Anyway, I'm not where I thought or hoped I would be. Emotionally I'm ok; I don't really care about "old times" except that there were good memories and no regrets. Life goes on.
Financially, I'm in big trouble. The settlement was adequate and I would be okay except that support payments were frequently late in the past, which made my own payments for bills and such late and I got hit with fees, interest, etc. The last straw is that payments are now 3 months in arrears and the last thing I can afford is the cost of going to court.
I was divorced in Alaska and returned to my childhood home in Texas. A year later, the EX and his #2 also moved to Texas. While Alaska and Texas have reciprocity and the terms of the divorce are clearly stated, enforcement appears to be a challenge.
I had to leave recent employment because I have no car -- it took a flying excursion off the road (I still don't know how it did that and I didn't even get a scratch, bruise or sore muscle!) Obviously since I can't even pay my utilities without the support, I am not in the market for a new vehicle.
My family keeps saying, "Get a job" -- and yeah, I'm offended by that. My education level, age and physical limitations narrow the field considerably.
My "job" was to be a wife and mother. My "job" was to negotiate a marriage dissolution decree that would cover my basic living expenses, medical needs and continued income if the EX should pass away. My "job" is to get on with my life. I need shelter and food and electricity, water, etc. to get on with my life. Then I'd really like to continue my education and get a degree, while working part-time. The payments make that entirely possible. Lack of them has me up against a wall. And that sounds whiney. I hate whiney!
So. Five years out, the lesson learned is GET THE PAYMENT MECHANISM IN PLACE IMMEDIATELY FOR ENTITLEMENTS. I realize now that trusting him to do the right thing didn't work then... and it sure as heck doesn't work now.
Basically this is just a vent. Maybe there needs to be a forum for: Old, Worn Out and Jaded...
Ok, done whining... (and I'm STILL laughing, because life IS good)
There are 360 more days to enjoy in 2014!