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invictus posted 1/5/2014 18:53 PM

Actually, I'm right in the middle of five years between the discovery and the actual divorce... and he moved out on New Year's Eve 5 years ago.

Anyway, I'm not where I thought or hoped I would be. Emotionally I'm ok; I don't really care about "old times" except that there were good memories and no regrets. Life goes on.

Financially, I'm in big trouble. The settlement was adequate and I would be okay except that support payments were frequently late in the past, which made my own payments for bills and such late and I got hit with fees, interest, etc. The last straw is that payments are now 3 months in arrears and the last thing I can afford is the cost of going to court.

I was divorced in Alaska and returned to my childhood home in Texas. A year later, the EX and his #2 also moved to Texas. While Alaska and Texas have reciprocity and the terms of the divorce are clearly stated, enforcement appears to be a challenge.

I had to leave recent employment because I have no car -- it took a flying excursion off the road (I still don't know how it did that and I didn't even get a scratch, bruise or sore muscle!) Obviously since I can't even pay my utilities without the support, I am not in the market for a new vehicle.

My family keeps saying, "Get a job" -- and yeah, I'm offended by that. My education level, age and physical limitations narrow the field considerably.

My "job" was to be a wife and mother. My "job" was to negotiate a marriage dissolution decree that would cover my basic living expenses, medical needs and continued income if the EX should pass away. My "job" is to get on with my life. I need shelter and food and electricity, water, etc. to get on with my life. Then I'd really like to continue my education and get a degree, while working part-time. The payments make that entirely possible. Lack of them has me up against a wall. And that sounds whiney. I hate whiney!

So. Five years out, the lesson learned is GET THE PAYMENT MECHANISM IN PLACE IMMEDIATELY FOR ENTITLEMENTS. I realize now that trusting him to do the right thing didn't work then... and it sure as heck doesn't work now.

Basically this is just a vent. Maybe there needs to be a forum for: Old, Worn Out and Jaded...

Ok, done whining... (and I'm STILL laughing, because life IS good)

There are 360 more days to enjoy in 2014!

stronger08 posted 1/6/2014 03:16 AM

I'm a guy who has never missed a payment of my CS and temp SS. And I'm in agreement with you about having support monies garnished directly from their paychecks. I have read here way too many horror stories of women never getting paid support and their financial ruin due to it. I have a friend in real life who is going through a D and her STBX refuses to support his kids. She is barely hanging on and without the help of her family she and the kids would be homeless and hungry. Way too many women give up on collecting their due and allow these bums to skate on their responsibilities. I cry bullshit !!!! No matter how much of a pain in the ass the system is always go after the money. Never give up cause sooner or later it catches up with the deadbeat. I had an employee who's Ex had not paid CS in 15 years. I encouraged her to go after him through CS enforcement and she was skeptical as he worked mainly off the books. But she did it anyway and low and behold a year later she comes to work all happy and smiling because she received a large check from CS enforcement. Several thousands of dollars I may add. Turns out the XH won some money playing the lottery. He won around 25K and after taxes they sent the rest to her as he was on the states list of deadbeats. Needless to say she was elated to get such a nice surprise. And it was right before the holidays to boot. So no matter how much of a headache it can be, always get that support order in place and have CS enforcement go after their asses.

invictus posted 1/6/2014 09:59 AM

stronger8, that's wonderful that you never missed a payment. I hope your ex appreciates that -- I really DO appreciate receiving payments as scheduled and have even thanked them -- Usually he addresses the envelope but #2 writes the check.

Fortunately, my children are all grown-up but my spousal support is supposed to be permanent (ok, unless I remarry or die...) and it is in addition to a portion of his military retirement. He did file a motion for relief from spousal maintenance, life insurance benefits and student loan repayment. The court denied; the terms were upheld and he had to pay some court costs (about 2% of the total bill.) No payments for student loans have been made, though, because I was able to get them deferred. That will be a different battle.

I just dread the thought of having to take this to court and spend money I certainly don't have and I don't really want to cause him any additional headaches. This week I'm looking into legal aid to see what is available.

^5 (high five) to you for being an excellent ex.