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The Book Club :
The Husband's Secret

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 Skye (original poster member #325) posted at 1:41 AM on Monday, January 6th, 2014

Has anybody read this? I'm about 3/4 of the way through it and am astounded how well the author captures feelings. I don't know anyone in real life who has been affected by infidelity and would love to discuss the book with another BS.

posts: 5662   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2002
id 6625514
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metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 4:06 AM on Monday, January 6th, 2014

I will look for it Skye. I always like what you recommend and I think I am far enough out that it wouldn't be too hard on me.

Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.

posts: 52157   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2006
id 6625731
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 Skye (original poster member #325) posted at 1:34 PM on Monday, January 6th, 2014

Thanks, Meta. Not sure I "recommend" it--just need to talk about it. And while there is infidelity in the book, there are other, different secrets that the book focuses on, which affected me more than the infidelity. Can't wait to "talk" to you about it.

posts: 5662   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2002
id 6626041
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brooke4 ( member #13581) posted at 4:40 PM on Monday, January 6th, 2014

Is that the Liane Moriarty book? I read it a while ago. What do you think of it?

Brooke

Me: BS, 40, Him: WS 41
Married: 15 years
3 children
D-Day: 10/2005

posts: 1636   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2007
id 6626292
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 Skye (original poster member #325) posted at 5:52 PM on Monday, January 6th, 2014

Yes, Brooke, that's the one. It's not great literature and maybe a bit long, but her take on living with secrets is right on target. I never needed to live with a secret before husband's infidelity. I had no clue how horrible it would make me feel. Moriarity put into words every and all feelings I've lived with for close to 15 years.

The main secret in this book (no spoilers) is not infidelity. And while I always hurt so badly because of my husband's choices, I have come to realize living with the secret is just as hurtful.

There are three protagonists in the book. When one says, ...for the rest of her life she will suffer from physical symptoms of her "new" disease...That nausea that comes over me from time to time when facing husband's cheating was exactly that--a new disease.

I have a big list of all the feelings this woman lives with as a result of her husband's secret. While I know I'm not alone in my feelings, this book helped me. Wish I had read it 15 years ago.

Will need to do some research on Moriarity and see if she's written other works that might speak to me like this book does.

posts: 5662   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2002
id 6626423
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Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 5:17 PM on Tuesday, January 7th, 2014

I haven't gotten to this one yet, but I enjoyed "What Alice Forgot" and found some relevant wisdom on valuing relationships.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

posts: 3640   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2011   ·   location: The Valley of the Sun
id 6628087
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itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 6:09 PM on Tuesday, January 7th, 2014

I think I will put this on my list to be read.

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2011   ·   location: NWPA
id 6628184
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brooke4 ( member #13581) posted at 9:58 AM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2014

I have to say, I really enjoyed it. I felt like it slotted nicely into the category of a lightish read about serious subjects, if that makes sense...

And, yes, I thought she did a really great job of writing about living with secrets, and making hard choices around that and how it changes someone. It did make me glad, however, that infidelity was the worst of it for me

I haven't read anything else by her, but probably will.

Me: BS, 40, Him: WS 41
Married: 15 years
3 children
D-Day: 10/2005

posts: 1636   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2007
id 6629492
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 Skye (original poster member #325) posted at 1:34 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2014

Interesting, brooke, don't want to spoil the book, but to me my husband's infidelity was worse than any of the secrets/events in the book. I understand where for others it wouldn't be, and that is why the book spoke to me because THE secret was as much of the problem as the problem!

And, yes I do get it being a light read about serious issues. I read a lot, and sometimes find the simplest books' messages are louder than any others. Or maybe they're louder because they are not cluttered with so many messages!

posts: 5662   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2002
id 6629594
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urwyfe ( member #29856) posted at 2:45 PM on Sunday, January 19th, 2014

@Skye you make a book sound really interesting. I'll have to get this one.

BW 53/WH 53Married: 7/2006
together 20+ years
DD#1 9/08, Reconciled 9/09
Cheating always ends in disaster! We were able to survive the aftermath!

posts: 214   ·   registered: Oct. 15th, 2010   ·   location: NYC native living in CT
id 6646440
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 Skye (original poster member #325) posted at 6:25 PM on Sunday, January 19th, 2014

It is good, especially if you've been through infidelity. The story is so-so otherwise.

posts: 5662   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2002
id 6646688
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Ursulagrace ( new member #41856) posted at 2:02 PM on Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

I belong to a Book Club. They met last night but I wasn't able to go. I received an email this morning with this months book choice.......which happens to be The Husbands Secret.

Only six months out from DD, WH struggling still with transparency and openness, not affair related but other things.

I don't know if I'm ready yet to read this book, even looking at the reviews made me sad. Any advice?

Not all of the Book Club members know about WH infidelity. Previous posts state that infidelity is one of the books themes so I can't imagine discussing this easily with them.

Golly, I think just by writing this post, I've made my decision...

Yet another thing tainted and spoilt!!!!!

Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 15 yrs
2 children, 13yrs & 9yrs
First DD 08.08.2003, last DD 02.07.2013
8 affairs in total, 6 EA/sexting, 2 PA
Last PA started Sept 2011,ended July 2013.

posts: 9   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6652424
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 Skye (original poster member #325) posted at 2:37 PM on Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

Infidelity is not the theme of the book. It's in there, and my guess is if one hadn't been cheated on, it would barely be part of the discussion. However, six months out is still pretty raw. I can see your skipping next month.

It is amazing how infidelity hits us when we're least expecting it and affects our overall life. I hate missing my book club and if I chose to because of the conversation, I would be pissed at my husband, the cheater, once again.

posts: 5662   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2002
id 6652468
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Ursulagrace ( new member #41856) posted at 12:44 PM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Thank you Skye for your reply.

I will have to miss it, just the theme of secrets is enough to make me uncomfortable.

Thinking of sending out an email saying " I won't be able to read 'The Husbands Secret' because of my husbands secret".

If only......

Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 15 yrs
2 children, 13yrs & 9yrs
First DD 08.08.2003, last DD 02.07.2013
8 affairs in total, 6 EA/sexting, 2 PA
Last PA started Sept 2011,ended July 2013.

posts: 9   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6653949
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 8:20 PM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

I read it a few months ago - great book!

Interesting, brooke, don't want to spoil the book, but to me my husband's infidelity was worse than any of the secrets/events in the book. I understand where for others it wouldn't be, and that is why the book spoke to me because THE secret was as much of the problem as the problem!

Agreed!

2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8905   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 6654734
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danegrl ( new member #42591) posted at 3:58 PM on Wednesday, February 26th, 2014

I am going to pick this one up! sound really good. Thanks for the "recommendation"

posts: 8   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2014
id 6701930
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 6:39 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014

Went to the library to borrow the book...I'm #289 on the waitlist.

posts: 12239   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 6703709
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eleanor2012 ( member #35655) posted at 2:39 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

Thank you for the recommendation!

posts: 52   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2012
id 6708048
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LostAngry ( member #40808) posted at 10:54 PM on Wednesday, August 13th, 2014

*****HUGE SPOILER ALERT*****

Out of all Liane Moriarty's books that I have read this one is the worst. The ending killed it for me, and I also knew what the secret in the letter was before she ever opened it. It was so obvious.

Then when the BS said to the WS towards the end of the book (paraphrasing) "I'll give you until Christmas and if you still have feelings for (her cousin) you should go to her." Facepalm. Really?!?!?! She is going to sit by like the good little BS and see if she gets picked? Grrrr.

The ending left a gaping whole and made me wonder if the local police in the book were as dumb as a box of rocks. The epilogue made me want to throw the book through the window.

posts: 244   ·   registered: Sep. 27th, 2013
id 6908735
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JellyGirl84 ( member #41717) posted at 7:50 AM on Monday, August 25th, 2014

I bought the Spanish language version today. It helps me to stay fresh in the language!

BW, 35
Dday in Nov. '13
Divorced in June '14

posts: 813   ·   registered: Dec. 19th, 2013   ·   location: Eastern USA
id 6922604
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