She's suffering severe depression and PSTD. She is going to take next semester off and try to get healthy.
I'm heartsick. I need advice as to how to best support her. I understand the PTSD and associated triggers all too well and I learned about a couple of significant triggers today. I'm trying to read as much as I can, but I need my SI friends to hold my hand for a bit while I catch my breath, process this news, and find a way to support her without suffocating her.
Sending SI mojo for healing.
I really have no advice, but I wanted to send you strength.
I'm sure someone with victim advocacy experience will be along to help soon.
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be. ― Sarah McMane
I think it's awesome that she shared the news of this devastating event with you. Sharing it seems to help kick off the healing process. I know when I finally told someone is when I was finally able to start letting go of the shame and the anger and the hurt and the guilt. I have a ways to go yet; those feelings fester when they're not dealt with.
Hugs to you and your daughter. just be there for her. hug her and hold her hand and do your level best to get her to understand - NOTHING, not a SINGLE PART of what happened, was her fault. She may blame herself for it and she is blameless. It takes that realization to also move forward with healing.
Prayers up for you and yours honey.
[This message edited by PhoenixRising88 at 8:44 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]
New chapter of my life- married 11/13/15 to the man I'd thought I would never find.
Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.
It's good that your DD is in treatment. I work for an agency that has rape advocacy and victim services. There are support groups for rape victims and families of rape victims.
Not sure where you're at but try calling 2-1-1 for this information in your area. Or your local Mental Health Association, or even hospital---some of them have services for rape victims.
I am holding you and DD in my thoughts and prayers.
Assure her that you're there for her, whenever she needs you. Let her know that you will help her wtih continued professional help and support her in anyway you can in her healing.
Pretty much just be there for her. Watch for signs of her bottoming out or unhealthy behaviors. Take cues from her about when she may need to talk or be left alone.
I know this hurts your mom heart .
I agree that the fact that she shared this with you is huge and a great step in her healing. Much love to all of you and please let us know how she's doing. We will all be thinking about her and you. ((neverdidithink))
DDay:2011 Status: D 2011 Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. - J. K.
Sending out lots of healing wishes to your darling girl and your family.
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs. XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
I'm sure others here have been through this and can advise. One thing you could do is see a counselor who specializes in this yourself, to gain an understanding of what would be most helpful to your D. (edit: and of course, ask your D, too!)
I had a friend who had a terrible incident and was being held in a psych ward - before I went to visit her, I called a counselor to learn all I could about the best way to support her through something I had no experience with. It still wasn't adequate, but it gave me a starting point.
[This message edited by Lyonesse at 9:28 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]
I'm so sorry.
Thankfully she is getting help with this through therapy, could confide in you and take the time she needs now away from the pressures of school.
I am so sorry. I stuffed down all the emotions after each time I was raped. I'm glad she told you and is getting help. Please hug her for me and remind her that it wasn't her fault.
I am sooooo sorry. I have 3 daughters, it has always been a great fear. I agree with others. Find out from professionals how you can support her healing. Watch for her going sideways.
I think it is awesome that she told you. I think it is probably her way of asking for your help.
((((NDIT and DD))))
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
Just an FYI to help for others.
Yes, the Rape Hotline will be able to give you advice on how to help or to find resources for you to help the victim.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson "She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
I'm so sorry that this has happened, to her, and also to you. As parents, we too suffer when our children do (no matter their age).
Like others have said, if you can talk to someone at a rape crisis center they should be able to at least help give you some ideas about what might help and support DD.
Is she seeing a psychiatrist? I ask just because she might need medication along with any other type of therapy she is getting.
She made a good decision to take some time off from school, whether it turns out to be for a semester or longer - it is not easy to predict what her healing time line is going to be. Being treated by a qualified professional might help guide her through this trauma.
Sending lots and lots of hugs, strength and positive, healing thoughts to you all.
((((DD, ndit & family))))
She did not report the rape to the school and at this point will not name her attacker. I hope that changes in the future, but I'm more concerned with her mental health than outing the scumbag right now.
She has been in IC and seeing a psychatrist for meds. So far she hasn't found the right combo of meds, nor the right IC. Thank you for the suggestion to contact a rape crisis center for a referral. I was planning to call my IC this morning for some recommendations, but going straight to the area of expertise makes way more sense.
I hoping to find an SI-like forum for her as well. I think it would be trmendously helpful for her to be able to interact with others who are dealingwith the same issues. She did go to a couple of support group meetings IRL, but didn't find them helpful...
God, this is hard.
