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Feeling lonely

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pregnantandsad posted 1/5/2014 21:27 PM

I feel like I have been doing pretty well lately. Noticed I have been thinking less and less about WH, and when thoughts of him and OW cross my mind I don't seem to care too much anymore about them.

I can genuinely say that I do not miss him, or our marriage. But the last few days I have been feeling very sad about not having someone who loves me. I've just been feeling lonely and feeling like eventually meeting someone new and being happy will never happen for me (thinking way too far ahead, I know!).

How do you all get past these lonely periods and try to focus on the good things you currently have? I read a lot about people saying to focus on you, try new things, do things you weren't able to do while married, etc., but that's very hard to do with 2 very small kids. I guess I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself lately and dont know how to snap out of it.

BAB61 posted 1/5/2014 21:33 PM

I think it's the moon phase, I have been blue all freaking day too!! I did some exercise, that didn't help. Slathered 'stress relief' from Bath & Body Works on ... that didn't help. Met a friend for dinner out, had to fill her in on the rest of the story so ... that didn't help. Just trying to get through this day.

How are the kids, the baby is how many months now? Maybe do something special with them.


newlysingle posted 1/5/2014 21:44 PM

I've been feeling the same way lately. I just posted about the great day I had today, but the past few weeks have been ROUGH. I also would never want XH back, but feel really lonely too. I know I'm too much of a mess to even consider dating right now though. I'm hoping things really do get better from here. I have two small children too, so I know that it's hard to get out and try new things.

littlefoggy posted 1/5/2014 21:48 PM

Omg. Me too. Today was a super sad day for me.

Not missing STBX but the loneliness.

I just try to focus on the positives and myself. Mostly keep busy.

I shoveled my walk and my neighbors walk. They just had a baby, so I thought I would up my karma ticker.

Focus on the kiddos. Mine is the only light sometimes. But she shines so bright, it is all I need.

Tomorrow will be better :)

PhantomLimb posted 1/5/2014 21:51 PM

Ditto. I'm doing okay and even tend to feel stronger after I come out of a down patch... but I still miss our old home, our routines, cuddling at night and that sort of thing. It's loneliness.

Work has been the best medicine for me when it comes to finding something to at least distract me. I'm finally starting to gain back that DDay weight loss, too... so I'm going to start an exercise routine. I also try to make time for things like face masks, etc. A little pampering.

I've also tried being there for my friends and family more. Gives me an outlet to channel all of that positive, loving energy that used to be focused on him. I take extra time with the dog, I'm there for friends in need, I don't usually turn down invites to parties and opportunities to meet people. Sometimes it can be a little difficult (I still have days where I don't want to shower or I get a little nauseated by the just-married friends blissfully happy with their new babies, etc). But, in general, I like who I'm becoming a hell of a lot more than the person I was when I was with him.


[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 9:52 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

sodamnlost posted 1/5/2014 22:04 PM

I'm feeling the fact that I only have one friend and she's so lost in her own la-la land all I have is my kids. I adore them and they keep me company but it's not the same as an adult. I need to make new friends as soon as I find a way to duplicate myself.

persevere posted 1/5/2014 22:05 PM

Loneliness is an issue for me. But not because of XWH - I'm *almost* three years out and I simply don't give a fuck about him anymore - yay! But it is hard to be alone so often.

So I'm working on mindfulness and learning to love who I am without another person involved. I have a boyfriend, but he has 50/50 custody so we see each other on the alternate weeks. But also thinks that learning to be happy with me is important. Not easy, but getting there...

jemimapd posted 1/5/2014 22:10 PM

I'm about to be snowed in and so my DD6 won't be at school. I'm desperate to get out of the house and into a more social routine so my take on this is that some of it is time-of-the-year related.

I too feel very lonely and unloved. You are not alone.

I have a goal to do one "self-care" action every day. Today I went to the mall and walked with DD and then we went to Starbucks. Some days I take a long bath or call a friend.

I also made and posted a list of all the horrendous things my ex did. But I understand that this is not so much about the ex as is is about being alone. It is lonely. But this too shall pass, it will not always be like this. Try not to let your mind take you into the future, all you have to do is get through today.

jemimapd posted 1/5/2014 22:10 PM

Duplicate post

[This message edited by jemimapd at 10:11 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

pregnantandsad posted 1/5/2014 23:27 PM

Thanks everyone. Sorry so many of you are feeling the same, it's no fun at all.

The kids are doing great, the baby is 4 months already! Usually I try to focus on them and it always makes me happy, but the last couple of days I feel so.....distracted? Like my thoughts and feeling of being lonely overwhelm me and stop me from enjoying the moment. Hoping this gets better soon for all of us

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