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Newest Member: BrokeninSept17 (61547)

User Topic: Scared to Death
♀ 41881
Member # 41881
Stop  Posted: 10:47 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met my husband in high school and we started dating after graduation and married soon after. If we make it until August it will be 24 years.
while in hs I dated another guy the entire time but I ended it after graduation. He recently contacted me about organizing a class reunion and after some thought I agreed. My husband warned me more than once about the dangers of communicating with him but it seemed so innocent. He knew how important my faith was to me and focused our conversations in that direction. It felt safe and honestly felt great to have a friend from the past to talk about old times. Long story short he came into town on business and convinced me the safest place to meet was his hotel room. you can figure it out from there. I have never once in 23 years thought about cheating on my husband. My H figured it all out from texts, emails, etc. I actually tried to take my life unsuccessfully that night. We have 3 amazing kids-hubby made sure they all knew the awful truth. he has agreed to mc but says if that doesn't help then we are done. I'm scared to death. he is so sad and withdrawing from me more and more each day. Any advice would be appreciated....

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
♂ 32590
Member # 32590
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry to hear about your situation. This is a good place to ask for support and advice. Please talk to a counselor or call a crisis helpline. Taking your own life will only cause more suffering. You have your precious life and you can choose to recover what you have lost. You are still able to love and be loved. It will be difficult in the days ahead but you can get through it. Be strong and be safe. I will pray for you.

WH 63
BS 52
No Children

Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001

D-day#1 03/01/2011
D-day#2 7/8/2015
D-day#3 9/3/2015

Posts: 796 | Registered: Jun 2011
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I agree, please get into some counseling to work through this. You need to figure out why you thought it was okay to meet a man at a hotel room, and cheat on your H.

Also, you need treatment to work through the suicide attempt, you need to learn healthy coping mechanisms.

There is hope, but it takes time to get to healing. IC/MC and lots of inner work is what it takes.

Keep posting.

Welcome to SI. You will get the support you need here.


"If you want to know who your tribe is, speak your truth, then see who sticks around. Those are the people who get a spot in your blanket fort." -Nanea Hoffman

Posts: 55123 | Registered: Sep 2007
♀ 41902
Member # 41902
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Welcome and I'm sorry you are going through this. I am a new member (WS) as well and share some similarities with you. My H and I were HS friends and started dating my senior year (he's two years older than me). We've been together 22 years, M 14. I confessed an A to him one month ago, that I had over a decade ago.

First, please do not hurt yourself. Find help, even if it is a free hotline (800-273-8255 is a great free crisis hotline) and find a close friend/family member to talk to. Come to this forum and read, whatever it takes. Just remember you are not alone, you are hardly the first person to have ever made this mistake, you did a bad thing/doesn't mean you are a bad person and regardless of what happens next, you can and will survive. I've been there in my mind lately as well. When the dark thoughts start, I pick up my tablet and come to this sight and read (particularly the WS threads). I find that not feeling alone helps me and I hope it can help you too.

Second, no one can tell you what is going to happen in your situation anymore than we can in any of ours, but what we can tell you is that it's going to be really bumpy. You are going to have to be very honest, first with yourself and then your H, to find out why you agreed to work on the reunion with your X and why you agreed to meet him in the hotel. That is something that only YOU can answer. And you may not have a good one for a while, but chances are you know it.

Work on yourself, find a good therapist who can help with this and give your H space/time he needs to work on himself and his feelings.

Lots of prayers to you for your journey.

Me: WW (PA for 2 1/2 mos. 2001) - DDay 12/8/13
Him: WH (multiple EAs throughout dating and marriage) and two revenge PAs - DDay 1: 1/27/14 DDay 2: 2/20/14
Together 22, married 14
No children

Posts: 51 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest US
♀ 41494
Member # 41494
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for your pain. I know you feel the worst you ever have. We've all been there. I hardly remember any details of my d-day weekend; it was such a dark time. All I can remember is feeling sick to my stomach and crying.

Don't give up. See someone, anyone-- therapist, psychiatrist, friend, anyone. Just don't be alone. You need someone to help you climb out of the abyss. Visit SI. It's really been incredibly helpful, for my H too. However things work out, you will get past it. I'm only 3 months from d-day, and there are some terrible times, but things are improving. Time and work will make things better.

Take care of yourself

Me-- WW, 49
Him-- BH, 53 (bobf)
Married 22 years
OEA, chat/email with multiple people over an 8 week period, 8/2013-10/4/2013
D-day 10/4/13
Working on reconciliation

Posts: 69 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United states
Topic Posts: 5

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