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Newest Member: bob74 (46035)

User Topic: Nightmare holidays
velveteer
♂ 30997
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So much has happened in the last few weeks I can barely start to understand it all and feel very overwhelmed and need to let some of this out. I hope that's OK and not sure if this is NB or where else it might go?

I'll just list it for the sake of keeping this manageably short!

- my dad died suddenly and unexpectedly the week before Christmas - my mum has chronic health issues and will require support - from me
- SO has had some major health issues and now requires to address this (won't go into it but woman's troubles)
- SO is also feeling that her needs are not being met in our relationship - I told her last year that I wasn't ready to move in and she says she feels peripheral to my life - we kinda fell out over it at the weekend and have hardly spoken since - she is also concerned about us having even less time together with me needing to provide more support to my mum, which I can understand, even if the timing of this conversation could have been better
- D from WXW is finalising this month
- WXW has split up with OM
- work is crazy busy and I have big issues to sort out there
- time is coming to sort out HS for my DS and this is a bone of contention all round

I have signed up again for IC and trying desperately to carve out some time so that I can get some headspace - had none over the holidays what with the funeral and Xmas etc.

Grief is awful - has taken me right back to the aftermath of DDay even if it is different, the overwhelming sensations of anxiety, fear and sadness are familiar.

Struggling just when I felt it was all starting to go well...


Divorced

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011
nutmegkitty
♀ 33882
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, friend, that is a lot going on at once. I am really sorry for the loss of your father.

((velveteer))


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2624 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
itainteasy
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, velveteer, I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear father. (((velveteer)))

I am so sorry that things seem to be snowballing in an overwhelming way. Yes, IC would be helpful. I really don't have any advice, but lots of sympathy and understanding for what you are going through.

the overwhelming sensations of anxiety, fear and sadness are familiar.
Give yourself time. Grief takes a long time. Don't stuff it, go with it.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10087 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
velveteer
♂ 30997
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 3:24 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks folks - nice to see you again SisterMilkshake!

Just going to take time here. IC booked for Thursday. One step at a time eh?


Divorced

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry velveteer, what an awful shock.

Her needs not being met, eh? Wow, her timing kind of sucks on that one.

Sometimes people show you who they really are.

You're not even divorced yet. Maybe you need to slow down and just be alone for awhile until things calm down. You're spread pretty thin.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:31 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17793 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
InnerLight
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! That is a lot to happen all at once. You really need time for yourself.

I think you will have to let your SO know that as much as you would ideally like to support her with her health issues you are simply unable to do so. She feels peripheral to your life because at this moment she kind of has to be. She might break up with you over this but she might find other sources of support for herself and wait it out to be with you more later. That's her choice and you really can't sacrifice what little time and sanity you have to take care of her on top of everything else.

I'm sorry you are in this position. I'm very sorry for the loss of your Dad. That's a huge thing. It's great that you are carving out time for IC. I wish you all the best!


BS, now age 54, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5956 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Topic Posts: 7

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