Sitting here reading the forums tonight, I got thinking about what I've been doing what can I do to help my BH. It's allways thinking of something big. Really though the only thing he asked me to do is be the wife he thought I was. To be loyal and trustworthy and make it that he can go to work, and make sure our family is okay and happy. That's what he has asked for. Nothing more.
Its me wanting to do something bravado to prove myself, to be better, when I should be just living it. I need to just love him and our family without expectation of praise and validation. Just be a loving caring wife, friend lover, mother and me.
Even today. I needed validation from him, how very sad when I look at it I feel like my 7 year old daughter see daddy see what I did didn't I do good. Are yu happy now that I thought of you, what do I get in return. My payoff should have been just doing it cause it would save my H time and energy.
Everytime I think I'm getting somewhere, I realize there is somuch more to dig up and turn over and hopefully grow something yummy or beautiful.
Now I know with him being away I do just give him a bit of a play by play as I am doing or I give him a list of stuff I'm doing. It also keeps me feeling connected, which was a missing piece for me. So perhaps Im over analyzing it, but it does stand out.
I was blending up the rotten potatoes , ( we compose with worms and its their food) Which is normally his job, but he ran out of time before he left for work. So today, (I've been on this cleaning rampage last 3 days) I could smell the potatoes, so I did them but they were so gross, turned to mush in my hands. So once I was done texted my Bh and said
K I love you. But that job deserves a big I love you Bloody grossness . It stinks and its slimy.
lol sorry, you should just put it outside.
mine No Its just as easy for me to do it. Just getting a laugh out of you...
I owe you one
I'll take a kiss
The thing is reading it , It sounds okay, the problem was I wanted him to know.
Now I am in a bit of analyzing condumdrum as I also know he would never remember nor would he even notice if I hadn't of done it. He is fairly non observant when it comes to the going on in the house.
So I'm not sure. Am I being to hard on myself and over analyzing things or am I on the right track.
All opinions appreciated