Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: lostsoul8008 (61557)

User Topic: maybe I need a slap
♀ 39146
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sitting here reading the forums tonight, I got thinking about what I've been doing what can I do to help my BH. It's allways thinking of something big. Really though the only thing he asked me to do is be the wife he thought I was. To be loyal and trustworthy and make it that he can go to work, and make sure our family is okay and happy. That's what he has asked for. Nothing more.

Its me wanting to do something bravado to prove myself, to be better, when I should be just living it. I need to just love him and our family without expectation of praise and validation. Just be a loving caring wife, friend lover, mother and me.

Even today. I needed validation from him, how very sad when I look at it I feel like my 7 year old daughter see daddy see what I did didn't I do good. Are yu happy now that I thought of you, what do I get in return. My payoff should have been just doing it cause it would save my H time and energy.

Everytime I think I'm getting somewhere, I realize there is somuch more to dig up and turn over and hopefully grow something yummy or beautiful.

Now I know with him being away I do just give him a bit of a play by play as I am doing or I give him a list of stuff I'm doing. It also keeps me feeling connected, which was a missing piece for me. So perhaps Im over analyzing it, but it does stand out.

I was blending up the rotten potatoes , ( we compose with worms and its their food) Which is normally his job, but he ran out of time before he left for work. So today, (I've been on this cleaning rampage last 3 days) I could smell the potatoes, so I did them but they were so gross, turned to mush in my hands. So once I was done texted my Bh and said
K I love you. But that job deserves a big I love you Bloody grossness . It stinks and its slimy.
His response

lol sorry, you should just put it outside.

mine No Its just as easy for me to do it. Just getting a laugh out of you...

His response

I owe you one


I'll take a kiss

The thing is reading it , It sounds okay, the problem was I wanted him to know.

Now I am in a bit of analyzing condumdrum as I also know he would never remember nor would he even notice if I hadn't of done it. He is fairly non observant when it comes to the going on in the house.

So I'm not sure. Am I being to hard on myself and over analyzing things or am I on the right track.

All opinions appreciated

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6

Posts: 482 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh sweetie.


He is responding to you.

You are responding to him.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1162 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
♂ 39624
Member # 39624
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is a good thing that you are aware of what your needs are, but I do agree that you should do them without expectation of a particular response. That said, I don't think it would be a bad thing for you to ask (or just act) to get reassurance from him. Particularly if he's fairly oblivious like I often am.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Jun 2013
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I being to hard on myself and over analyzing things or am I on the right track.
I would say a little of both.

Thinking about things more. Being more reflective and sort of policing your intentions is a good thing, and not just for waywards. I feel that if you have ever been prone to poor coping (or any bad thought process) that fixing it is a process. You teach yourself to keep an eye on the hows and whys of your interactions.

Honestly that text exchange with your BH was cute.

Posts: 4634 | Registered: May 2012
♀ 36853
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No slap! I agree it's good to evaluate these thought processes. I find myself doing the same. I report things I do to my BH fairly regularly. I think I fear he will think I'm doing nothing all day.

Thing is, my BH is pretty appreciative and observant. I'm seeking validation, probably still to an unhealthy degree.

I think it's good that you're evaluating your motivations and thought processes. I also think you can relax a bit about the rotten potatoes. It was cute. And now you have the minions singing in my head.

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Posts: 1814 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
♀ 39146
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies. Just waiting to see my IC in about 10 min.
I think I'm happy I'm noticing these things. I guessy biggest issue is I don't know if I tryst myself to know what is real or neediness. If you know what I mean.
Its a little frustrating when your uncertain of your own thoughts and analyze the crap out of it. But I am aware and question. Where as before I did not understand my own feelings.

I hate being 43 and realizing my maturity I'm some areas is about 12. I think I new more then than now. But as my IC says that's where I got stuck. So who knows

Anyways again thank you for the responses My H just thought it was funny. 

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6

Posts: 482 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 6

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.