Me: 31 BS
Yesterday was both an awful day and a good day. I have been up and down lately and wondering whether or not R is truly possible. I have been having a hard time with wondering if my husband really loves me or if he is only here because he is afraid to leave. I worry whether he is now being honest with me and if R is really what he wants. He hasnít been sharing his efforts to get to the root of the affair and so I assumed he was not making the efforts. Well yesterday I finally tried talking to him about it. At first the conversation did not go well, I felt he was defensive and I got upset, but we talked again a little later on and he gave me a detailed description of what he thinks went wrong, why he allowed himself to have an affair, how he justified it and other things he has figured out. He admitted some feelings of anger that he was having which was a big step for him, he has a hard time telling me how he really feels because of FOO issues. I am proud of him for opening up to me and I am more hopeful of true R because of his honestly about this admission; he was scared to tell me, scared of how I would react but he opened up anyway and I am so glad. I also realized that I have been living too much in the past, focusing too much on the details of the affair and not focusing enough on his efforts to R. I am going to try to start journaling more when I am in a good mood rather than just writing when I am unhappy or obsessing. Anyway, I just wanted to share with you all, thanks for reading.
Dday 3+ years ago
Forgiveness means understanding, acceptance and giving up on looking back.