Okay you guys, I wrote last week about the stupid crap my MIL left for my step-son after her death, which was basically a ton of stuff related to OW.
I thought I was handling it okay, but every day I'm getting worse and worse. I'm not sure if it's because I'm 4 months pregnant, but now I'm weeping all the time again.
All those old thoughts:
Why did he do this
Why am I not enough
How could he possibly love me now
When will it happen again
I should just leave, this is all a huge joke
I'm second best
I'm never going to be special, nothing we have is special
Did you really just have to "get some strange" before you decided I was worth the rest of your life?
I don't want him to perform certain sex acts on me (which is a shame, because one of them is the only way he can make sure I finish)
Everything he told me was probably a lie to make sure I didn't feel hurt
I didn't expect to feel like this again. We've fixed so much, and just like he promised on R day and in his psychologist's office, he has been the best husband in the world to me.
I feel like I'm punishing him again, but I also feel like I have no control over it. I'm pretty close to the grief again.
I started to mention it to him and he explained this is what his mother wanted (which duh, I know), but that really doesn't make me not hurt. I hurt very much, and I really, REALLY, hate pictures of the OW. Especially the pictures of her cuddling the love of my life.
How do I reconcile my crappy boyfriend with my beautiful husband?
I feel broken hearted again. Help me.
[This message edited by fromaztowa at 2:44 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]