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The haunting mind

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inthedark14 posted 1/6/2014 21:13 PM

I'm "only" 13 days from finding out, so I KNOW it will get better in time,much much time . But I can't stop my mind from thinking of EVERYTHING and I dnt want to think of this shit, I'll start with the thought that just popped into my head which prompted me to post this:did WH perform oral and come home and kiss me, fu@&ing YUK. My WH had his A in our vacation home while he was away remodeling houses, in our bed, so most of my thoughs r , did they wAtch tv together on our couch, did they shower together in our shower,go out to eat , did he spend whole days just relaxing with her etc etc, and thru it all I still know my husband better than he does most of the time, so I do kno that much of my thoughts that r mind fucking me r just that, thoughts,bcuz over the Course of his A, he did REALLY go there most of the time to work since he DID buy,remodel then flip 3 houses in the last 6 months. And I know he did not spend EVERY waking moment with the OW, bcuz a lot of the time my son went with him, or we all went together , so I know that didn't leave that much of the time for him to b there alone with OW, bcuz he is a very hard worker and does love his work,and I do know my WH was not in it to "cuddle etc" but I can't help thinking that shit.

somanyyears posted 1/6/2014 22:04 PM

..yes, the mind movies can really fu*k with the mind, but if I may suggest to you that... because you know that the vast majority of time was really spent on his work and that he couldn't have spent lots of time with the woman, that you nip those mind movies in the bud!!!

.. try not to let them creep in..convince yourself now that it was just a quickie.. no emotion.. no cuddles.. nothing of any quality.. he just used her and went back to work.

..try to minimize their time together if you can..

it can do you no good to obsesse about all the crap that didn't happen.. if that's any help to you..

focus on you and your health


heartbroken303 posted 1/6/2014 23:42 PM

I did that badly at first, and sometimes still do. My WS was in a hotel with the coward OM, and every hotel in town we drive by I wonder.

Did they make out in our family car? What kind of sex, how long, and it only gets more graphic. Same as you asked, did she fellate him then kiss me? For a solid week I drove myself crazy with this.

I do try to reason it like somanyyears suggests and it works better as strong emotions simmer down.

After only 2 months for me it's better, though.

I'd recommend that even if you try to work out your marriage in some ways you emotionally disconnect from him and these activities. I've had to do it to keep myself sane. In some ways it makes my WS upset and makes her feel she's losing me, which she is.

headdesk posted 1/7/2014 13:56 PM

For that first month, the A was the ONLY thing it seemed I could think about. I'm 4 months out and just starting to really see 'me' come back and get good quality time where the A isn't in my mind at all.

It sucks so hard but it is normal.

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