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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

User Topic: question for the ladies of SI (tmi)
MairISaoirse
♀ 41497
Member # 41497
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PMS

In this time, did you ever want to give up on your SO? Even pre A?

Even before my A, I would get thoughts of breaking up with BF in this time. They were often fleeting, never lasted for more than a day or so.

But I'm feeling this way today, and its that time.

Am I alone in this?

If not, does it ever go away?


Mad Hatter

Me: 21
Him: 21
Together 2 years
my ONS->1 mo EA abroad

after D-Day BF admitted he had broken NC with EXGF (EA)
D-DAY 11/21/13

In Limbo


Posts: 114 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Kentucky
Rainbows
♀ 39362
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 1:33 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a friend make a very general statement once about PMS that made a lot of sense for me personally.

She said PMS is like a window that shows us our true feelings inside. I've found that underneath those nagging PMS thoughts and emotions are my raw and honest feelings, without any filters.

Regardless of the subject, the Ex, work, etc, I pay close attention to my PMS thoughts. Even though they don't last long because my hormones change, they're very insightful into how I really feel about things.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 414 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Ostrich80
34827
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:55 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe what Rainbows said.. ^^^^^ I would get very weepy and kind of sad but this above makes sense to me. Kind of like how you feel deep inside, intensified where you could mask it on a normal non PMS day.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:56 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5238 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Zayda1
♀ 35387
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 5:20 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PMS is a very scary time for me. I usually feel very out of control and worry about my many mind movies. I find myself white knuckling it during that time. I'm hoping it gets better with time.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 468 | Registered: Apr 2012
Flatlined123
♀ 35862
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That makes perfect sense, Rainbow. On the other hand we have gut feelings and common sense to throw in there too.

I found I felt this way after H affair. PMS time was very bad. As time has gone on it's gotten better.

I think things are amplified during PMS. Think about how weepy some people are when they're pregnant. Same thing, hormones are bouncing all over the place.

I'd use how I felt the other 3 weeks out of the month as a measure of what my actions should be.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 692 | Registered: Jun 2012
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think about leaving every day, really. PMS or not. R is hard.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
cl131716
♀ 40699
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with steadfast. I got an IUD after my last baby which threw my period out of whack. Before that I was pregnant the majority of two years. I don't really remember how I feel during PMS.

[This message edited by cl131716 at 7:22 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Alex CR
♀ 27968
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long past PMS, thank goodness, but I do remember (and so does my family) the negativity that took our household over during those days of the month.

Looking back I don't think the anger, irritability, sadness, feeling fat and ugly, etc. was a reflection of my true feelings. I just couldn't see anything in a positive light while PMSing.....andthere was a lot of positive in my life during those years.

PMS was a never a time I felt happy, but I remember during the middle of my cycle feeling like I was walking on air .....happy and attractive and lucky. And really nothing had changed except the time of the month.

I think it's hormones and no matter how good my life was then, PMS narrowed my ability to focus on anything but the negative in my world.

Today, long past, it is sooooo nice to not deal with the hormonal roller coasters.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1723 | Registered: Mar 2010
HeartInADustpan
♀ 38341
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Such a timely post, MairI. Mine moods are for sure impacted by PMS. I really didn't "see" it until this month. Thoughts of giving up and leaving the days before have been a consistent and very strong the days leading up to Flo's visit. Then, I'm good again.

It was actually my WS who noticed. It was particularly bad this month and he gently asked if I was close. I admit I was a little irritated thinking he was trying to blame my feelings on that in the "Oh, here she goes PMSing again." way, but he presented it perfectly. He had noticed how my cycles impacted my feelings to R for some time, but didn't say anything out of fear I'd think he was trying to minimize/blameshift. So, for me, yes, R is hard and PMS makes it harder.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Holly-Isis
♀ 13447
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She said PMS is like a window that shows us our true feelings inside. I've found that underneath those nagging PMS thoughts and emotions are my raw and honest feelings, without any filters.

I'd have to disagree. Sometimes the hormones are just hormones. When I'm already down and PMS hits, that's when I really have to fight cutting. That's when my thoughts go to suicide. I'm guessing that this isn't a window to what's true or I'm fighting for no reason to resist the urges.

And yes, I've tried meds. I lost count, but I think 7 at different doses along with supplements meant to enhance their efficacy. None made much of an impact. I can't wait for menopause.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11275 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
itainteasy
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get extremely moody at my time of the month. Irritable, angry, sad, giggly...the whole gamut.

I don't think about leaving....or having him leave. Even during the times when just looking at him makes me stabby. I don't want him near me, but I don't want him to leave either.

Does that make sense? I just want to be in a room on my own, doing my thing and being left alone.

I hope you're feeling more like you soon.


Posts: 3423 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Lostinthismess
♀ 39210
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think about leaving every day, really. PMS or not. R is hard.

^^^^ this. But it's ten times worse during pms. I never noticed pms symptoms before he cheated on me. But the anger and hatred is worse that week. I have actually stopped myself (barely) from telling him to leave because I knew it was that week and made myself ride it out.


'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2013
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If PMS is a window on my true feelings, I think I need to see someone about my homicidal tendencies.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6643 | Registered: Jan 2011
Morhurt
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely struggle more during that time. I often can't see the relationship at the time which makes it feel even harder.

I've discussed it with H and thankfully he responded that they are all reasonable feelings given what he's put me through and that if they are worse during PMS then he just needs to work harder to help me feel loved.

That kind of response helps, but doesn't take the horribleness and bleakness away.

PMS + infidelity = unbearable


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 960 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Flatlined123
♀ 35862
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If PMS is a window on my true feelings, I think I need to see someone about my homicidal tendencies.

Rebreather
ME TOO!!


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 692 | Registered: Jun 2012
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During ovulation (mid cycle) I am incredibly confident, amorous, and happy. (And horny) the week before i am a little moody... Not too bad. The week of, I am grumpy, fat, hungry, horny, nauseated, needy, and tired. Yep. Just like being pregnant.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
unfound
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've come to be able to recognize and acknowledge that during PMS it's best not to make any decisions and understand that whatever crazy thinking I may have is hormone induced and not act on it.

Painting my entire kitchen (cabinets and countertops included) red...blood red.

Dying my hair red.

Throwing cheese at the tv cause Christina Aguilera pisses me off.

yeah...at least I didn't do anything unfixable .

PMS is like a window that shows us our true feelings inside

I have a deep loathing for 90's pop stars and an unhealthy obsession with the color red?

thing is, don't make any decisions when you know you're PMSing. Keep a journal or record of when you are and see if it coincides with your feelings about leaving. If it doesn't, then I'd start to figure out if this is where you really want to be. If it continues during pms time for an extended period of time (months/years) then there might be something to the above quote.


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14866 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
naivegirl
♀ 14234
Member # 14234
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never want to leave but I am often very sad during PMS. Usually I am sad about the affair then even though I am 7 years out. I am not really sad at any other time but if I cry about the affair out of the blue wihtout any trigger I know what is coming.


Me BS 39
Him WH 38

D-day #1 Jan 31 2007
D-Day #2 March 25 2007
Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
-Kid Rock

Working on Re


Posts: 1744 | Registered: Apr 2007
cancuncrushed
♀ 28156
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was one of the very few lucky ones. I never had PMS in my life. However, perimenopause and menopause was pretty rough. (maybe) Thats when H had Ea or PA. I struggled alot with -what was real, what was emotion, what was symtoms. It was new and scary. My H insisted I get tested. I must be crazy. The end result? hormones were fine. Dr made no suggestions. I tested 3 times. Again, I was lucky few.
I am now way past all that. I still feel exactly the same when it comes to A. It wasnt any of those things. It was the A. My feelings and attitude never changed. I can still be that angry. I do see that alcohol has the same effect as pms. Your true feelings will spill out. Maybe it needs to be released. and catches you when your weak.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 1054 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
whiteflower99
♀ 13937
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG YES!!
Every damned month without fail. My Dr. said it was because of low levels of progesterone. I said it was because my idiot WH is... well.... an idiot.

Supplementing the hormone hasn't helped so I am banking on option two....


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1777 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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