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question for the ladies of SI (tmi)

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MairISaoirse posted 1/7/2014 00:11 AM


In this time, did you ever want to give up on your SO? Even pre A?

Even before my A, I would get thoughts of breaking up with BF in this time. They were often fleeting, never lasted for more than a day or so.

But I'm feeling this way today, and its that time.

Am I alone in this?

If not, does it ever go away?

Rainbows posted 1/7/2014 01:33 AM

I had a friend make a very general statement once about PMS that made a lot of sense for me personally.

She said PMS is like a window that shows us our true feelings inside. I've found that underneath those nagging PMS thoughts and emotions are my raw and honest feelings, without any filters.

Regardless of the subject, the Ex, work, etc, I pay close attention to my PMS thoughts. Even though they don't last long because my hormones change, they're very insightful into how I really feel about things.

Ostrich80 posted 1/7/2014 02:55 AM

I believe what Rainbows said.. ^^^^^ I would get very weepy and kind of sad but this above makes sense to me. Kind of like how you feel deep inside, intensified where you could mask it on a normal non PMS day.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:56 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Zayda1 posted 1/7/2014 05:20 AM

PMS is a very scary time for me. I usually feel very out of control and worry about my many mind movies. I find myself white knuckling it during that time. I'm hoping it gets better with time.

Flatlined123 posted 1/7/2014 05:41 AM

That makes perfect sense, Rainbow. On the other hand we have gut feelings and common sense to throw in there too.

I found I felt this way after H affair. PMS time was very bad. As time has gone on it's gotten better.

I think things are amplified during PMS. Think about how weepy some people are when they're pregnant. Same thing, hormones are bouncing all over the place.

I'd use how I felt the other 3 weeks out of the month as a measure of what my actions should be.

steadfast1973 posted 1/7/2014 06:09 AM

I think about leaving every day, really. PMS or not. R is hard.

cl131716 posted 1/7/2014 07:22 AM

I agree with steadfast. I got an IUD after my last baby which threw my period out of whack. Before that I was pregnant the majority of two years. I don't really remember how I feel during PMS.

[This message edited by cl131716 at 7:22 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Alex CR posted 1/7/2014 07:22 AM

Long past PMS, thank goodness, but I do remember (and so does my family) the negativity that took our household over during those days of the month.

Looking back I don't think the anger, irritability, sadness, feeling fat and ugly, etc. was a reflection of my true feelings. I just couldn't see anything in a positive light while PMSing.....andthere was a lot of positive in my life during those years.

PMS was a never a time I felt happy, but I remember during the middle of my cycle feeling like I was walking on air .....happy and attractive and lucky. And really nothing had changed except the time of the month.

I think it's hormones and no matter how good my life was then, PMS narrowed my ability to focus on anything but the negative in my world.

Today, long past, it is sooooo nice to not deal with the hormonal roller coasters.

HeartInADustpan posted 1/7/2014 07:33 AM

Such a timely post, MairI. Mine moods are for sure impacted by PMS. I really didn't "see" it until this month. Thoughts of giving up and leaving the days before have been a consistent and very strong the days leading up to Flo's visit. Then, I'm good again.

It was actually my WS who noticed. It was particularly bad this month and he gently asked if I was close. I admit I was a little irritated thinking he was trying to blame my feelings on that in the "Oh, here she goes PMSing again." way, but he presented it perfectly. He had noticed how my cycles impacted my feelings to R for some time, but didn't say anything out of fear I'd think he was trying to minimize/blameshift. So, for me, yes, R is hard and PMS makes it harder.

Holly-Isis posted 1/7/2014 11:01 AM

She said PMS is like a window that shows us our true feelings inside. I've found that underneath those nagging PMS thoughts and emotions are my raw and honest feelings, without any filters.

I'd have to disagree. Sometimes the hormones are just hormones. When I'm already down and PMS hits, that's when I really have to fight cutting. That's when my thoughts go to suicide. I'm guessing that this isn't a window to what's true or I'm fighting for no reason to resist the urges.

And yes, I've tried meds. I lost count, but I think 7 at different doses along with supplements meant to enhance their efficacy. None made much of an impact. I can't wait for menopause.

itainteasy posted 1/7/2014 11:06 AM

I get extremely moody at my time of the month. Irritable, angry, sad, giggly...the whole gamut.

I don't think about leaving....or having him leave. Even during the times when just looking at him makes me stabby. I don't want him near me, but I don't want him to leave either.

Does that make sense? I just want to be in a room on my own, doing my thing and being left alone.

I hope you're feeling more like you soon.

Lostinthismess posted 1/7/2014 11:06 AM

I think about leaving every day, really. PMS or not. R is hard.

^^^^ this. But it's ten times worse during pms. I never noticed pms symptoms before he cheated on me. But the anger and hatred is worse that week. I have actually stopped myself (barely) from telling him to leave because I knew it was that week and made myself ride it out.

Rebreather posted 1/7/2014 11:11 AM

If PMS is a window on my true feelings, I think I need to see someone about my homicidal tendencies.

Morhurt posted 1/7/2014 11:47 AM

I definitely struggle more during that time. I often can't see the relationship at the time which makes it feel even harder.

I've discussed it with H and thankfully he responded that they are all reasonable feelings given what he's put me through and that if they are worse during PMS then he just needs to work harder to help me feel loved.

That kind of response helps, but doesn't take the horribleness and bleakness away.

PMS + infidelity = unbearable

Flatlined123 posted 1/7/2014 12:34 PM

If PMS is a window on my true feelings, I think I need to see someone about my homicidal tendencies.


steadfast1973 posted 1/7/2014 12:44 PM

During ovulation (mid cycle) I am incredibly confident, amorous, and happy. (And horny) the week before i am a little moody... Not too bad. The week of, I am grumpy, fat, hungry, horny, nauseated, needy, and tired. Yep. Just like being pregnant.

unfound posted 1/7/2014 13:10 PM

I've come to be able to recognize and acknowledge that during PMS it's best not to make any decisions and understand that whatever crazy thinking I may have is hormone induced and not act on it.

Painting my entire kitchen (cabinets and countertops included) red...blood red.

Dying my hair red.

Throwing cheese at the tv cause Christina Aguilera pisses me off. least I didn't do anything unfixable .

PMS is like a window that shows us our true feelings inside

I have a deep loathing for 90's pop stars and an unhealthy obsession with the color red?

thing is, don't make any decisions when you know you're PMSing. Keep a journal or record of when you are and see if it coincides with your feelings about leaving. If it doesn't, then I'd start to figure out if this is where you really want to be. If it continues during pms time for an extended period of time (months/years) then there might be something to the above quote.

naivegirl posted 1/7/2014 13:18 PM

I never want to leave but I am often very sad during PMS. Usually I am sad about the affair then even though I am 7 years out. I am not really sad at any other time but if I cry about the affair out of the blue wihtout any trigger I know what is coming.

cancuncrushed posted 1/7/2014 16:08 PM

I was one of the very few lucky ones. I never had PMS in my life. However, perimenopause and menopause was pretty rough. (maybe) Thats when H had Ea or PA. I struggled alot with -what was real, what was emotion, what was symtoms. It was new and scary. My H insisted I get tested. I must be crazy. The end result? hormones were fine. Dr made no suggestions. I tested 3 times. Again, I was lucky few.
I am now way past all that. I still feel exactly the same when it comes to A. It wasnt any of those things. It was the A. My feelings and attitude never changed. I can still be that angry. I do see that alcohol has the same effect as pms. Your true feelings will spill out. Maybe it needs to be released. and catches you when your weak.

whiteflower99 posted 1/7/2014 18:35 PM

Every damned month without fail. My Dr. said it was because of low levels of progesterone. I said it was because my idiot WH is... well.... an idiot.

Supplementing the hormone hasn't helped so I am banking on option two....

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