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Amazonia posted 1/7/2014 09:06 AM

Or am I being overly sensitive?

I went to a potluck cocktail party this weekend. The invite said to bring a dish or drink to share. I brought a nice bottle of wine.

When I got there, there was a bunch of potluck food on one table, and a drink table with a dozen bottles of wine and a full bar of liquor. The table was about half full, half empty space. The hostess took the bottle of wine I brought from me and, I was told later by the friend with whom I attended, put it on their wine rack.

The bottles of wine that were out were all cheap-ish, notably cheaper than what I brought. I'm not above drinking cheap wine, but it's not what I would serve at a party. They were also all different brands of cab sauv, which I don't care for. Seriously, there were like eleven bottles of cab sauv and one bottle of pinot noir. I brought a chianti.

My bottle never made it to the drink table.

I can't decide if I feel like I'm over reacting, or if it was rude of her to put the nice bottle (which I would have preferred to drink over gross cheap cab sauv all night, or water, which is what I ended up drinking since I don't like cab sauv) up and not serve it, or not. It wasn't intended as a hostess gift, since it was a potluck.

Am I over thinking this all?

TrulyReconciled posted 1/7/2014 09:26 AM

My bottle never made it to the drink table.

One of two possibilities:

(1) They knew exactly what it was and wanted to keep it for themselves

or

(2) They don't know much about wine and assumed that 'Chianti' was the inexpensive choice

I think you're likely reading too much into it.

ajsmom posted 1/7/2014 09:31 AM

My philosophy on when I bring anything to a party whether it be a pass around whatever or a hostess gift, is that it then becomes the host's to do with as they please.

Anytime there's free wine of any kind, I'm usually happy.


AJ's MOM

Deeply Scared posted 1/7/2014 09:33 AM

I think you're reading too much into it

I know when we have parties, most of our friends will bring a hostess gift and it's always wine Some bottles I may open during the party but most I don't and I save for later.

I do this mainly because all our friends usually bring what they normally drink so unless they're insistent that I open that particular bottle during the party, I always say thank you and set it aside.

One of our friends tho I *always* open his bottle because he and I exchange really good wines every time we see eachother so I like to share with him

Sad in AZ posted 1/7/2014 09:57 AM

I look at this differently--it was a 'potluck' and the invite specified food or drink. Wouldn't you all feel weird if your brought a dish to share and the host put it in the fridge for him/herself rather than sharing it with the guests?

I vote for crass rather than rude. I'd reserve that judgement until you know the person better.

Deeply Scared posted 1/7/2014 10:01 AM

it was a 'potluck' and the invite specified food or drink

That's a good point...I hear what you're saying and now have changed my mind.

Tred posted 1/7/2014 10:04 AM

That's a great point Sad! IMO, if I liked what I brought and there was nothing else to drink, then I would have opened it myself and poured a glass - while inviting the host to have a toast with me. Or a shot of tequila. Whatever.

StillGoing posted 1/7/2014 10:07 AM

Holy shit. You don't serve Budweiser to the guy who brings Sam Adams. I believe that is a solid justification for an ass kicking. I believe you could be thrown in jail for that. I only assume that rule carries over for wine. I mean if I brought a Caceras Reserva and it got racked and I got some fucking boxed Zin, the son of a bitch that tried that shit would be playing Dick In A Box with the fucking Franzia spout.

DeadMumWalking posted 1/7/2014 10:09 AM

If it's a dinner party hosted by, uh, the hosts, then it might be put away for any number of reasons (considered a 'hostess gift', doesn't go with the food being served, etc).

But yeah, if it's 'potluck' it seems a bit crass. If I am at a potluck, normally it's only the leftovers that get kept or shared out, depending on whether it's at someone's house or a 'neutral' area - like a parc, at the lieu of the sporting event, that kind of thing.

DeadMumWalking posted 1/7/2014 10:11 AM

the son of a bitch that tried that shit would be playing Dick In A Box with the fucking Franzia spout

Thanks a lot SG - now I won't be able to get that image out of my mind all day.........

Amazonia posted 1/7/2014 10:16 AM

Yes, normally if I brought a bottle as a hostess gift, I wouldn't have thought a thing of it not being served. But it was specifically a potluck. And it's not like there wasn't room on the table.

Just seemed odd.

As for it not going with the food, it was very potluck, so everything from meatballs in bbq to sushi to quiche to banana bread.

ETA: Sad, I kept drawing that same comparison in my head. If I'd baked some fabulous dessert and they'd tucked it away to eat themselves later, I'd have been miffed. And if I'd made something and half of it was left at the end of the night, I would have brought it back home again...can't rightly do that with a bottle of wine.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 10:44 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Crescita posted 1/7/2014 10:51 AM

Maybe there was confusion about whether it was a hostess gift since you presented it to the host when it was obvious where the potluck items were supposed to go?

I wouldn't over think it, but I'd also probably bring something I was less attached to for a future potluck.

Amazonia posted 1/7/2014 10:53 AM

I just figured if I brought a nice bottle, I'd get at least one glass worth drinking, no matter what anyone else brought!

Rebreather posted 1/7/2014 11:16 AM

Huh. I was prepared to be all "dude, relax" but then I read SAD and SG and damn if they aren't right. Huh.

Because I am so charming, I would have gone up to the host and said, all bright eyed, "where did my wine go? did we already drink it? I wanted to open it as it is one of my faves and I really wanted to share it with everyone! been looking forward to it all day!!"

karmahappens posted 1/7/2014 11:27 AM

I always make sure and put out what anyone brings to something I host.

I wouldn't want the person that spent time and money to think I didn't appreciate or welcome the contribution.

jemimapd posted 1/7/2014 11:43 AM

I'm originally from the UK where people 99% of the time bring wine, chocolates and/or flowers and the host provides the food. It took me a while to get used to the concept of being invited to a party and taking food to eat!

This point is clear. You never, ever put away the wine for yourself. You serve it.

Very rude.

Holly-Isis posted 1/7/2014 11:45 AM

I was thinking, next time bring one of your fabulous desserts so if they set it aside, you get back at them with every pound they gain.

GabyBaby posted 1/7/2014 11:57 AM

Playing devil's advocate, maybe she saw the amount of wine already opened and (not thinking) thought there was way too much already open and put it away to avoid another open, but half finished bottle?

That said, I think it was poorly done and rude.

ajsmom posted 1/7/2014 12:50 PM

Playing devil's advocate, maybe she saw the amount of wine already opened and (not thinking) thought there was way too much already open and put it away to avoid another open, but half finished bottle?

That was my thought.

If everyone who came before Ama opened theirs, she probably didn't even know what was on the table.

ETA - I dunno...I guess I give people way too much credit.

[This message edited by ajsmom at 12:50 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Sad in AZ posted 1/7/2014 13:59 PM

The hostess took the bottle of wine I brought from me and, I was told later by the friend with whom I attended, put it on their wine rack

If you accept the hearsay evidence, I'd say guilty as charged. If she put it in the kitchen, or on another table, maybe she was saving it until the other bottles emptied, but in this case she was keeping it for herself.

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