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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Is this rude?
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or am I being overly sensitive?

I went to a potluck cocktail party this weekend. The invite said to bring a dish or drink to share. I brought a nice bottle of wine.

When I got there, there was a bunch of potluck food on one table, and a drink table with a dozen bottles of wine and a full bar of liquor. The table was about half full, half empty space. The hostess took the bottle of wine I brought from me and, I was told later by the friend with whom I attended, put it on their wine rack.

The bottles of wine that were out were all cheap-ish, notably cheaper than what I brought. I'm not above drinking cheap wine, but it's not what I would serve at a party. They were also all different brands of cab sauv, which I don't care for. Seriously, there were like eleven bottles of cab sauv and one bottle of pinot noir. I brought a chianti.

My bottle never made it to the drink table.

I can't decide if I feel like I'm over reacting, or if it was rude of her to put the nice bottle (which I would have preferred to drink over gross cheap cab sauv all night, or water, which is what I ended up drinking since I don't like cab sauv) up and not serve it, or not. It wasn't intended as a hostess gift, since it was a potluck.

Am I over thinking this all?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13858 | Registered: Jul 2011
TrulyReconciled
♂ 3031
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My bottle never made it to the drink table.

One of two possibilities:

(1) They knew exactly what it was and wanted to keep it for themselves

or

(2) They don't know much about wine and assumed that 'Chianti' was the inexpensive choice

I think you're likely reading too much into it.


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21430 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My philosophy on when I bring anything to a party whether it be a pass around whatever or a hostess gift, is that it then becomes the host's to do with as they please.

Anytime there's free wine of any kind, I'm usually happy.


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21098 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you're reading too much into it

I know when we have parties, most of our friends will bring a hostess gift and it's always wine Some bottles I may open during the party but most I don't and I save for later.

I do this mainly because all our friends usually bring what they normally drink so unless they're insistent that I open that particular bottle during the party, I always say thank you and set it aside.

One of our friends tho I *always* open his bottle because he and I exchange really good wines every time we see eachother so I like to share with him


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198800 | Registered: May 2002
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I look at this differently--it was a 'potluck' and the invite specified food or drink. Wouldn't you all feel weird if your brought a dish to share and the host put it in the fridge for him/herself rather than sharing it with the guests?

I vote for crass rather than rude. I'd reserve that judgement until you know the person better.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20433 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it was a 'potluck' and the invite specified food or drink

That's a good point...I hear what you're saying and now have changed my mind.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198800 | Registered: May 2002
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a great point Sad! IMO, if I liked what I brought and there was nothing else to drink, then I would have opened it myself and poured a glass - while inviting the host to have a toast with me. Or a shot of tequila. Whatever.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4073 | Registered: Dec 2011
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy shit. You don't serve Budweiser to the guy who brings Sam Adams. I believe that is a solid justification for an ass kicking. I believe you could be thrown in jail for that. I only assume that rule carries over for wine. I mean if I brought a Caceras Reserva and it got racked and I got some fucking boxed Zin, the son of a bitch that tried that shit would be playing Dick In A Box with the fucking Franzia spout.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7563 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
DeadMumWalking
♀ 25341
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it's a dinner party hosted by, uh, the hosts, then it might be put away for any number of reasons (considered a 'hostess gift', doesn't go with the food being served, etc).

But yeah, if it's 'potluck' it seems a bit crass. If I am at a potluck, normally it's only the leftovers that get kept or shared out, depending on whether it's at someone's house or a 'neutral' area - like a parc, at the lieu of the sporting event, that kind of thing.


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2659 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
DeadMumWalking
♀ 25341
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the son of a bitch that tried that shit would be playing Dick In A Box with the fucking Franzia spout

Thanks a lot SG - now I won't be able to get that image out of my mind all day.........


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2659 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, normally if I brought a bottle as a hostess gift, I wouldn't have thought a thing of it not being served. But it was specifically a potluck. And it's not like there wasn't room on the table.

Just seemed odd.

As for it not going with the food, it was very potluck, so everything from meatballs in bbq to sushi to quiche to banana bread.

ETA: Sad, I kept drawing that same comparison in my head. If I'd baked some fabulous dessert and they'd tucked it away to eat themselves later, I'd have been miffed. And if I'd made something and half of it was left at the end of the night, I would have brought it back home again...can't rightly do that with a bottle of wine.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 10:44 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13858 | Registered: Jul 2011
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe there was confusion about whether it was a hostess gift since you presented it to the host when it was obvious where the potluck items were supposed to go?

I wouldn't over think it, but I'd also probably bring something I was less attached to for a future potluck.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3521 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just figured if I brought a nice bottle, I'd get at least one glass worth drinking, no matter what anyone else brought!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13858 | Registered: Jul 2011
Rebreather
♀ 30817
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Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Huh. I was prepared to be all "dude, relax" but then I read SAD and SG and damn if they aren't right. Huh.

Because I am so charming, I would have gone up to the host and said, all bright eyed, "where did my wine go? did we already drink it? I wanted to open it as it is one of my faves and I really wanted to share it with everyone! been looking forward to it all day!!"


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6643 | Registered: Jan 2011
karmahappens
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Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always make sure and put out what anyone brings to something I host.

I wouldn't want the person that spent time and money to think I didn't appreciate or welcome the contribution.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm originally from the UK where people 99% of the time bring wine, chocolates and/or flowers and the host provides the food. It took me a while to get used to the concept of being invited to a party and taking food to eat!

This point is clear. You never, ever put away the wine for yourself. You serve it.

Very rude.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Holly-Isis
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Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking, next time bring one of your fabulous desserts so if they set it aside, you get back at them with every pound they gain.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11275 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Playing devil's advocate, maybe she saw the amount of wine already opened and (not thinking) thought there was way too much already open and put it away to avoid another open, but half finished bottle?

That said, I think it was poorly done and rude.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for cl


Posts: 6680 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Playing devil's advocate, maybe she saw the amount of wine already opened and (not thinking) thought there was way too much already open and put it away to avoid another open, but half finished bottle?

That was my thought.

If everyone who came before Ama opened theirs, she probably didn't even know what was on the table.

ETA - I dunno...I guess I give people way too much credit.

[This message edited by ajsmom at 12:50 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21098 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The hostess took the bottle of wine I brought from me and, I was told later by the friend with whom I attended, put it on their wine rack

If you accept the hearsay evidence, I'd say guilty as charged. If she put it in the kitchen, or on another table, maybe she was saving it until the other bottles emptied, but in this case she was keeping it for herself.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20433 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Topic Posts: 21
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