So it's just difficult for me to reconcile that the mere act of the activity is being associated with his discomfort. Rather than it just being associated with that one person.
Jovie - not trying to be offensive here, but wow. I wouldn't say you're 'wrong' to feel that way - how you feel is how you feel - but I will say that if you are truly interested in R and healing your M, then you are waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy behind the starting line.
For one thing, it sounds like you are trying to dictate the terms of your BH healing. This is a complete non-starter. Gently, but: Who cares how YOU think he should feel on this issue? So what if he is an addict, how did that give you permission to betray him? YOU are the one who blew up your M.
There are people here who cheated with a co-worker, thus making the JOB - not 'just' the parts of work that the WS overlapped with AP - a massive trigger. And some have not only quit that job but completely changed careers.
There are people here whose WS cheated in their house with AP, thus turning what should be a safe living place - sometimes a dream home built together - into a massive trigger. People have moved to a different house, or a different neighborhood, or a different state to help the BS feel safe. With that in mind, how serious is it to give up a COMPLETELY OPTIONAL activity, compared to saving your M?
Sure, maybe it wasn't the greatest M in the first place. If you really wanted out, you could have separated or filed for divorce. If you wanted help fixing things, you could have gone to MC. If you wanted to 're-connect', you could have started a new hobby or some other activity together with your H.
But you didn't do any of those things. You chose instead to cheat on your H.
His drug addition didn't MAKE you cheat. However bad your M was or whatever issues your M had didn't MAKE you cheat. YOU chose cheating all by yourself.
If you run out of money, is your first choice to go rob a bank? Probably not. You would first explore other options, such as getting a second job, or cutting expendable items from your budget, or borrowing money from family or friends, or getting a bank loan, or pawning or selling things you don't need any more, or ..... You get the idea. Running out of money doesn't MAKE you rob a bank. Robbing a bank is just the most unhealthy of the options available to you.
Similarly, no matter HOW BAD your M was, you always had other options. Including making an honest break in the relationship, rather than the selfish way you chose to behave.
I do not mean to sound to harsh here, I just want to open your eyes to what might be a new way of thinking than how you seem to be. A way of thinking that would better facilitate healing your M, if that's how you and your BH decide to go.
I think it is very brave of you as a new WS to post without a stop sign. So I assume that you are open to hearing perspectives and advice from all sides. Keep that open mind and let your BH's feelings - NOT yours - be your guide in this.
As the others have said, if this hobby is more important than your M, at least have the decency to let your BH in on that. If you are instead interested in making a go at R, then you will have to understand that your hobby - again, a completely OPTIONAL activity - is a very painful trigger for your BH. If you are truly remorseful, you will do what you can to remove that trigger from him.
For you to even suggest that he shouldn't feel that way about the hobby if OM isn't there suggests to me that you are not yet at complete remorse and still have a lot to learn.
At some point in the future, maybe he will change his mind about your involvement in the hobby. Or maybe you will. Or maybe you will split up because your differences over it cannot be reconciled.
Fasten your seatbelt, you're in for a bumpy ride, no matter what the outcome. The general timeline that's cited for healing from infidelity is 2-5 years. That's right - YEARS. And that's when you are both doing the work. You are only a few weeks into this process now. And you (neither of you it seems) has really started doing the work yet.
In any case, I wish you both the best of luck. You will find a lot of guidance and support here if you are open to it.