But then I started thinking: I am fully transparent in my life...the internet, electronic devices, whereabouts, etc. are always open and available to him. Not because I'm trying to prove anything, and not because he's suspicious or has asked for me to be that way, but because I just don't have anything to hide. So I wonder, is it normal that it kind of doesn't matter to me how much he trusts me?
I know it's normal to want to be trusted, especially by an SO. But I never claimed to be normal, , and whether he trusts me or not (or how much he does if at all) isn't really going to affect my behavior---I'm going to continue to be transparent and accountable simply because it's right, not solely to assuage any fears or to prove absence of wrongdoing.
Divorced from (2010) and remarried to (2014) XBH
1 1/2-year-old daughter and another baby girl on the way
My 2nd wxgf was afraid I would cheat. She was utterly convinced it would (and did) happen. That pissed me off. She treated me like crap at the end and it was never, in my mind, a "I would never do that to you" kind of thing. I wanted to set her straight because I do not do that. I don't. Me. Had nothing to do with her. My fidelity was not based on her so to accuse me of it was an insult to my integrity. We own our integrity. It belongs to us and no one should ever be given the power to decide it for us.
HB0903, you seem to have claimed full ownership of your own integrity. No how much you care about your XH recognizing it considering your attempts to rebuild your relationship...well that is a question to be settled between the two of you as far as I am concerned.
So I wonder, is it normal that it kind of doesn't matter to me how much he trusts me?
as a formerWW, it doesn't matter to me, This is how I live my life and I have nothing to hide. I absolutely do NOT need privacy. When something comes up that indicates my husband is having a trust issue with me I feel badly for him because what a burden! I know I caused it. The only thing I can do is continue to live transparently.
If he remains in the "trust, but verify" state, that'd still be great, because I have nothing to hide from him and he can be at ease if he ever checks through my stuff.
if he is feeling doubtful of me, which he has the right to, I often tell him that I'm sorry that he feels that way, but I dont know how to make him feel better about it, because everything is on the table for him to examine, its his choice whether he believes it or not.
Together 2 years
my ONS->1 mo EA abroad
after D-Day BF admitted he had broken NC with EXGF (EA)
In thinking about it this way, I would guess that in the case of a remorseful and reformed WS, trust might be more important to the BS so that they don't have to feel like a policeman for the rest of their lives when dealing with their spouse. That must be nerve-wracking and exhausting. For the fWS who is living right, they can do that whether trusted or not.