When I'm angry I think about it more, it makes me not want to get out of my bed. So what I'm asking is it to soon to just focus on recovery and healing or am I skipping a step?
As you can see from you post, the anger and sadness...You're not skipping a step. Sorry. And yes it is too soon.
Moving too fast to R and being 'Happy' is a sure recipe for 'Rugsweeping'.
Four years ago my husband got plastered and had sex with one of my friends, they then had a two week long emotional affair that resulted in one more drunkin night with sex. ...But after some counseling and a lot of trying to just forget we moved on.
He needs to get to the bottom of his poor coping skills and shitty choices. Perhaps you might look at why it was okay to rugsweep and forgive him so fast the first time. I mean that sincerely and not in a snarky way.
In the mean time, think of the pain as your brain actively over-writing what you thought your marriage was about with what the reality REALLY is. Your old marriage is dead. Let it go. You are now coming to grips with your 'New Normal'...And it it Ain't Pretty!
It does get better with a lot of work and time. Your WS needs to woo you back to him. And now that you know who he really is and what he thinks of you, that is a whole other beast.
Honor and respect yourself. Try not to just give him your trust just because he is your husband. He must be worthy of your love and fidelity and earn his way back into your heart.
There are ways in the meantime that can help mitigate the pain and suffering. These things take an effort too but they are more fun.
Like exercising, Yoga, Hiking, Mani-Pedi's, new hair cut and color, spending time with good friends, Retail Therapy...You get the idea. And not too much alcohol! You don't want to become maudlin.
Do something for you and only you. FTG!
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.