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Newest Member: Alleycats (61167)

User Topic: Expenses
♀ 41218
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I keep separate accounts so I never fully experienced the financial impact of the hotels, the fancy dinners, the gifts, and the travel involved in his A.

But I get to fully experience the costs of the aftermath. My deep depression for the first several weeks after DDay meant that most nights I couldn't muster up the will to cook, so despite the fact that I was barely eating we had to buy dinner somewhere to eat at all.

I also had to throw away a drawer full of produce from the fridge -- it all went bad before I could work up the will to cook it. The pepper plants out back all died with a whole crop still on them, now gone to waste.

There was also some hysterical shopping for both of us -- I think just as a distraction. And manicures for me, a new habit I've picked up I guess in competition with the high maintenance OW.

The AD's are cheap since I have insurance but I still have to pay for the doctor visits.

To top it all off there's the MC and IC. Even with insurance, at $65 a pop I'm spending considerably more on that than I do on my freaking car payment.

I guess it's cheaper than D. No questions or requests for advice... just airing my feelings and wondering if anybody else is in the same boat.

Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 165 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
♂ 41679
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tought it was GREAT that the ONLY thing fWW spent on OM was $3.95 on a greeting card. I'm very financially responsible.

Until I started adding up all the MC, IC, prescriptions, lost work, eating out, ordering in, liquor (I self medicate...or, used to), tobacco, airline tickets to OM state to scare the shit out of him, etc. I don't even want to consider the IC costs for the kids which they'll come asking for when they are 28.

BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 216 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
♀ 18814
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case it was me who's the breadwinner for the most part of our marriage. I never felt that it was MY money. I've always felt that any expenses my FWH used on the multiple OW, he took from our child. When I showed him the costs and explained that the money should've gone to our child for her future, that's when he broke down and realized the stupidity of his actions (he's very frugal for the most part, he didn't realize how much he's REALLY spent).

In the end, the cost of MC/IC, the dinner out, etc. Was all worth it. We are stronger than ever in 6+ years of true R and one more child later. I am still the breadwinner, and he considers himself the "saver". keeping me from spending too much on shoes...

Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.

-October 3, 2007-

Posts: 928 | Registered: Mar 2008
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When WH paid the hooker, we had money... He did some hysterical gift buying for me, because he felt guilty that I asked for a sewing machine the week before, and he said no, then spent the exact amount on a hooker. A month after dday, we got hit with all sorts of financial Bullshizinsky. Both cars broke down... Twice. Plus Christmas.

Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"

Posts: 2303 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Kentucky
♀ 40637
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've given up my IC as we can't afford the copays for my IC his IC and our MC. Of course I am the one to sacrifice - again.

DDs, 1977 (prostitutes), 7/8/13 (LTA MOW), 11/14 (CL), 9/1/15 (PA).
Porn, 2DUIs, blame-shifting. I told both families & adult kids. I was suicidal and cutting.
I moved out for 2 years, he asked me to come home 10/16. R w exit plan.
STD discovered

Posts: 246 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have no way of knowing the full extent of the cost of my SAFWH's hobbies. He skimmed cash from his paycheck before depositing them, spent money from an inheritance account that I didn't have access to, etc. I do know that the statements he "accidentally" left around suggested he was spending $200 a night, 3 days or more a week for many years. The math suggests somewhere in the 6 digits. That doesn't include dinners, booze and gifts for the OW, guilt gifts for me and 5-6 years of IC, MC and special classes about SA. I think I spent a small fortune on books from Oh, std testing was $500, as I didn't want to go to my own doctor.

We could have had a second home....

Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 6204 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
♀ 40937
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had the added legal fees and fines because WH liked the added thrill of a public park. We had to get the lued and lisivious brought down to just trespassing for being at park after hours. Their drinking tabs were steep plus the fines. Not as bad as the cost of loss of friendships and respect. Our best friends had a NYE party and didn't invite us. The financial stuff sucks but losing my best friend is so much worse.

BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SAWH gave more or less an accounting of what was spent during his 2.5 year affair. Hotel rooms and suites for them and her friends, jewelry, airfare, expensive designer luggage in addition to weekly dinners and outings. I estimate easily $75K, maybe more during that time period.

I'm not worried at all about the therapy bills, my personal trainer, my new closet full of clothes, etc. As my brother said after DD, 'he will pay for this." Yep, and money is not the only way in which he will pay.

Yes, cheaper than divorce…but you still have to teach them a lesson where it seems to rattle them the most.

My best line from all of this was when SAWH provided A timeline and accounting, I said, "well there is your boat!." The boat that he complained we could not afford. OK there is your boat on the wrist of that bimbo and the money you spent on all of those trips and etc. There you go!!! I asked him what he thought about all of that money that he spent and he said "Not good."

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 932 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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