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soconfusednow posted 1/7/2014 14:31 PM

WH has always placed health issues at the bottom of the list financially, putting everything including personal pleasure first. Several years ago I decided if that's what he wants for himself fine, but no more putting off my medical needs.

I feel he should seek IC, but he says I need to take care of my issues first. History of depression prior his A, A issues, lack of personal direction, etc.

Money is a concern & he is willing to seek out a free support group for some of his issues.

But when tax refunds get here he already has plans on how some of it should be spent. It's on something that has always been a dividing point between us. I'm very hurt by this, thinking if we were important enough he would skip that this year and invest in us.

I just don't know how to make him understand my point of view. (or maybe he understands and just chooses to disagree)

karmahappens posted 1/7/2014 14:37 PM

I just don't know how to make him understand my point of view. (or maybe he understands and just chooses to disagree)

Maybe he is showing you what is important in his eyes.....HIMSELF.

Why don't you tell him that the money needs to be spent improving yourselves this year and depending on how things go, next year can be used for "fun".

Can I ask, what does he think it should be used for?

Simple posted 1/7/2014 14:57 PM

Looks like he's already made the decision as to what is important. It doesn't seem like it's your M or you. Yes he needs to work on himself, but you and Marriage have to be the priority. This is why we say, if we set up a rule, we need to follow-through with consequences. Not that your WS is a child; if a kid was given a rule that he cannot play withe the vase, he then played and broke the vase, wouldn't the consequence be that he goes on timeout and fix the vase using glue? In the same manner, what are the consequences? Rules have no meaning without them.

Hope that helps.

sisoon posted 1/7/2014 16:38 PM

Is this a deal breaker for you? (It would be for me, I think.) That makes it easy - he won't have a choice between a goodie and IC. It'll be between IC and paying for a D.

Maybe that would make IC look a lot more attractive to him - but it only works if you're willing to D if he persists in going for the goodie.

JMO, and I know it's easier to outline this for someone other than myself than to live it.

Kap12 posted 1/7/2014 21:09 PM

I think you need to stand firm and tell your spouse this is the year you work on you and that means going to IC, MC whatever it takes to make you better. Health is so important to the rest of how you spend your life. So don't back down stand your ground.

soconfusednow posted 1/8/2014 07:13 AM

Looks like he's already made the decision as to what is important. It doesn't seem like it's your M or you. Yes he needs to work on himself, but you and Marriage have to be the priority. This is why we say, if we set up a rule, we need to follow-through with consequences. Not that your WS is a child; if a kid was given a rule that he cannot play withe the vase, he then played and broke the vase, wouldn't the consequence be that he goes on timeout and fix the vase using glue? In the same manner, what are the consequences? Rules have no meaning without them.
I think I haven't drawn the line because I'm not ready emotionally or financially to follow through with D at this time. If I draw the line I may be forced into that before I'm ready. Not that I want D yet, but I have to be prepared if it goes that way.

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