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How do I begin to work on me?

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Crushed18 posted 1/7/2014 14:49 PM

I haven't posted in a while as I was in too much pain and misery to receive what was being shared. I decided to just read forums and slowly try to process my feelings and thoughts. I am grateful for this site and those who post as it has gotten me to today. Today, I am ready to face fears, insecurities and questions about my WHYs.
I have accepted that my husband has had numerous affairs. He has cheated on me in every way possible. It is my hard truth to live with. I didn't handle things right at first b/c I didn't know what to do. I found SI after DD1 and lots of tt, lies of omission, etc. I think this lasted about 2.5 months.
We are still together, he's remorseful and we're in weekly counseling (MC and IC).
I have also cheated on him w/ 2 om. Neither was physical.just EAs..we'd talked on the phone or text. om2, I actually met for dinner and drinks mostly to see what it felt like. I wasn't attracted to either man and was basically trying to feel better about myself. I also was using them to gain perspective on how/why my husband would do what he did. This sounds dumb, but its what I did.
My husband tracked my phone and confronted me and OM2 leaving a restaurant. I have gone nc, but do have days where I would like to talk to him or get together and hang out. This happens when I'm having an emotional day or tough conversations with my ws about his affairs. I don't plan on seeing him again, but do miss him sometimes.
OK...this is where I am today.

Deeply Scared posted 1/7/2014 14:52 PM


Please do not start threads using the red stop sign icon, I've removed it for you so please be more careful in the future.

Thank you.

Crushed18 posted 1/7/2014 14:54 PM

My apologies...I haven't posted in a while and forgot the rules.

Deeply Scared posted 1/7/2014 15:00 PM

I understand

Deeply Scared posted 1/7/2014 15:33 PM


I think it's important that you're staying NC with the OM so when those times come up that you feeling like talking to him, you really have to push him out of your head and replace those thoughts with more constructive things.

Keep focused on your marriage and how far you've come into your own healing. Taking on your own fears and insecurities is wonderful and shows that progress is being made!

breakingpoint posted 1/7/2014 17:34 PM

I am not very far in the process of working on myself, but one thing I try to remember is that "where it hurts" is where you need to start.

Like if you went to a Dr. the first thing he would do was to talk about what was bothering you. Whether it be head, arm, leg, stomach its where he would start.

So as you are going through the process, where is the pain? It stinks to feel broken in horrible, but it does reveal where the work needs to start.

Now, what to do after you figure that out? Not sure, but if you figure it out, let me know!

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