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LoyaltyTainted posted 1/7/2014 17:14 PM

I know that this is a site geared to married couples but I'm at my wits end and need to vent my emotions to someone. I have no family and have given up friends only to be here...alone and broken.

I found out December 20th 2013 that my significant other of four years has been cheating on me. Emotionally and physically. When we first got together I had found out he had been talking to girls through Facebook and it wasn't dealt with more like swept under the rug. He didn't see emotional cheating as cheating and I was young and in love and willing to forgive. We moved on from it and built our love stronger than ever, so I thought. Last year July we moved in together and august I found out I was pregnant. From then on I noticed a very different person. Cold. Never wanting to stay home and not willing to communicate as much. Never did I think he was cheating on me. Couples go through rough patches and having a baby is a very stressful time in a persons life. I was understanding. We stopped having sex (not at all because of me). After our daughter was born I noticed he wouldn't leave his phone down but I've always had his passwords so I didn't think anything of it. One night in September after a fight with him I couldn't shake I looked through his phone and found out he had been talking to a girl but had it under a male friends name. I was so broken. I just wanted to know did he have sex with her. He said no. I was willing to move forward and that's what we were doing until a weekend in November when I found out (after having a bad feeling) that he had been communicating with MULTIPLY women through Facebook. I couldn't understand why he kept doing this to me! I wasn't able to fully absorb this before I found out that he did in fact sleep with the girl and another one a year prior. I'm broken. I'm so broken and alone. My heart feels so empty and I feel like a lost soul.

confused615 posted 1/7/2014 17:25 PM

Hi honey. Welcome to SI. You have been betrayed...your marital status isn't a factor.

Im so sorry. You are no longer alone. You have an army of people next to you. We are holding your hand. We will help you through this. You will be ok..I promise. need to be tested for STD's. Him too. And no sex until you have his results.

If he wants to R he must:

Be transparent. You get full access to all of his accounts and his phone.

He used facebook to cheat? he needs to delete his account.

He needs to write NC e,ails to all OW..and you send them.

He must answer all of your questions without anger or blame. Nothing you did or didn't do made him cheat.

He must own his shit. This is ALL his responsibility.

He must be remorseful. No regretful. regret is impatient and angry. remorse is all about you and helping you heal.

He needs to go to IC to figure out why he did this. The real why.

What is he doing to show you he wants to R?

Do these OW have husbands or boyfriends? If so, you need to consider telling them their WW's cheated on them. They need to be tested and they deserve the truth, just as you do.

Be very careful. He is in CYA mode and is probably lying. It is very rare that a WS tells the entire truth off the bat. But you need to tell him you need to know everything find out bits of the truth here and there (TT) is torture.

You need to take care of yourself. Eat. Sleep. Drink plenty of water.

Im so sorry he did this to you. but Im so glad you found us. We understand.

LoyaltyTainted posted 1/7/2014 17:40 PM

When I found out about the physical cheating I immediately said it was over. I had always told myself that I would never EVER stand for that. It was my boundary that should never be crossed. I told him please don't take away my chose to protect my health by cheating just break it off with me. Now here I am. I have gone for testing as I'm still Breastfeeding our baby. I wanted to know EVERYTHING and he refused to give me the phone. He went as far as to update the phone so it is now completely wiped. That alone makes me wonder what more was there. He said he's willing to do anything to make things better and to fix my broken heart and spirit but every time I get upset he says "I feel like it's not going to get better" or "nothing I say you take in" and he runs off to a friends house. I then threaten to leave because I now have anxiety every time he leaves the house and go completely insane when he leaves after a fight but he keeps doing it. So I'm just trying to figure out is it me? Do I need to make a commitment to not bringing it up? I gave my all to this guy. He found me when I was battered and beaten down, built me up only to beat me down again. I just don't understand and I keep asking "what do I do now?"

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