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Who is this person? Rant...

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peoplepleaser posted 1/7/2014 18:49 PM

What the fuck?! Who is this person that I thought was the best thing to ever happen in my life? Who is this person that asserts that I'm a huge asshole that lead her to cheat on me? How does one reconcile that, especially when they have kept vital information for the health of the relationship to themselves...their thoughts, feelings and needs?! How, after 6 years does someone look at their depressed partner who just had a third miscarriage and demand attention, and when she doesn't get it goes and fucks someone else? Then lets the partner say, "I know you would never do that," when the AP gets caught by her BS and the story is that AP foolishly tried to fuck your WS? How do you hold onto that lie for two years? How does a person then repeat the exact same mistake...while telling you they are lucky, they are trying, they are happy? How does that happen? How do they show remorse when you only know of one A, then turn and tell you how horrible you are after you find the whole truth?! How do they have remorse only when they are able to hide the bulk of their deception, but become angry when you find out how truly bad it is? What the fuck?!

When does the pain go away?

2goodannie posted 1/7/2014 19:12 PM

I feel the same way. I married him, because he was trustworthy, loyal, kind, an over-all good person...and what did I get? A man that can live a dual life for years and not tell anyone. A man that tells me he loves the OW, but not the same way he loves me...wth? How do I ever trust anyone ever again? Why would I want to stay with this man? Don't I deserve better?? I am 3 months from DDay and right now, the pain seems even harder than it did the first day.

TheAgonyOfIt posted 1/7/2014 19:20 PM

I was JUST thinking that and JUST coming on here to post a VENT about that.

Who is this ASSHOLE
this Miserable Nasty Asshole who doesn't even try to be pleasant?

HOW did he keep this part of him hidden from me for SO long? (Until year 8 of 13)

WHY did I give him another chance?

I don't want to see him, deal with him, talk to him , think about him, know him, I just want him GONE.

HOW did i NOT know what an asshole he is.

it's gotta be that NPD phenomenon. I'm hugely pissed and feel raped and robbed.

Uhtred posted 1/7/2014 21:08 PM

That's the sad part. After all these years you find out the person you thought you knew is a complete stranger. It's very hard to deal with after all the lies looking you straight in the eye and telling you there is nothing wrong. Sorry you are here.

TheAgonyOfIt posted 1/7/2014 21:37 PM


How does that happen?

This happens when people are extremely self centered.

It's all about them.

You exist to please them.

I think that's the way it goes, for so much of the time anyway.

I'm so sorry you are here and so new to your Ddays. It's so painful. ((sorry))

PRNDL posted 1/7/2014 21:37 PM

Im sorry you had to experience this. Im 9 month in from D-Day. My first 3 months were so bad, I almost lost my job. I could do nothing for the relationship. The pain was unrelenting. I spent my days managing my panic attacks and anxiety. She treated me so so horrible when i was down and at my lowest. She even continued the affair.

The pain never went away for me. I just got used it.

I see u just had a very recent D-day as I did. That makes the importance of the first D-day fall apart.

Your 4 months from your D-day with that recent one. I can oy tell you at 4 months I was still weak. I built up just enough strength to manage my panic attacks and anxiety (with medication). I was able to care for our son and mske things right at work. Thats about it. The pain was horrible.

It WILL get better. I promise. Slowly but surely

[This message edited by PRNDL at 9:41 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

BAB61 posted 1/7/2014 22:30 PM

Classic NPD! I was married for 22 years, together a little over 23, and it took my kids to rip the blinders off. He was able to look me in the eye and lie! Made me doubt myself (textbook gaslighting), learned to stuff my doubts and fears; to not act possessive and jealous. I KNEW things were not great, but didn't KNOW how bad they really were.

That person is a fake, a fraud and an excellent actor. Able to pull the wool over your eyes, the eyes of your friends, their friends, your family, their family and many other members of your life. It's because we are honest, trustworthy and loving. A complete sham of a human being, not worthy of the title "man" or "woman" but scumbag/slunt ... seriously. They don't know remorse, only regret that NOW, NOW you know what they truly are.

((peoplepleaser)) so, so sorry you are here!

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