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Where is his moral compass?

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2goodannie posted 1/7/2014 19:05 PM

DDay was in October and he told me that the affair had been going on for 1-1/2 years. I started to do the math (had confronted him before this about some texts and he denied anything was going on)and figured out it had been 2 years. Well, before Christmas he casually told me that it has been 3 years. So, last night I did some snooping on his facebook and saw his first contact with the OW was in 2009! How does he not see that that is when he lied to me and left the marriage? I feel that the betrayal, lies, cheating should be traced back to that date. He disagrees...he didn't lie to me, he just didn't tell me that he made contact with her. What is the difference?? I feel that he can make sense of what he is saying and believes it! Am I off???

JustWow posted 1/7/2014 19:21 PM

No, you're certainly not off. He doesn't get to split hairs and re-define logic and feed you a steaming plate of crap simply because it is all he knows how to cook. He seems to be quite deep in the lying/justifying/minimizing/re-writing phase. He is irrational. Do not look to someone who is 1. a liar, and 2. out of touch with reality - to define truth. Look down a few pages for the thread on the 180.
Study it.

And welcome.

KatyaCA posted 1/7/2014 19:33 PM

I suspect when he considers the affair started and when you do would be two very different dates. The truth is that when he started looking outside your marriage for support, he was beginning the decline into the affair. He'd probably tell you it wasn't until they go physical.

Has he read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass? I think that would be a real eye opener for him on just how affairs begin and he could start to see that he is justifying and splitting hairs to make himself feel better at your expense.

jjct posted 1/7/2014 19:39 PM

Want a guy's answer to this?

He disagrees...he didn't lie to me, he just didn't tell me that he made contact with her.

I'm angry as hell. He's a fukkin liar, minimizer and denier. Like his all-so-superior intellect never covered lies by omission?

His lack of remorse, and ownership of his shitty choice to cheat (that's why they lie you know)
are a poem,
called you know em.

You know em
their stupid lies
intellectually sexually hide the poem in you.
DETACH from these motherfukers,
freed the word in me
freed the word in you
shakin water like a wet loved dog
The rhyme here is simply fuck you.

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