Hi Maverick1998,
...my WW started trying to spend more time together after our DD goes to bed. Am I supposed to be turning these overtures down?
It depends why you are using the 180, and what your goal is. It appears from your other posts that your WW is not fully committed to owning her A, addressing her issues related to the A, and in committing to the M. Have you established any boundaries (requirements) for your WW in order for you to feel safe staying in the M for now and to not D her? Examples of boundaries that others have established for their WS include:
• NC with OP, and full access to email, social media, and cellphone accounts to verify NC.
• A timeline of the A with details on what was said, what was done, where they met, etc, at the level of detailed desired by the BS.
• Reading Not Just Friends by Glass and Sexual Detours by Hines and discussing how these books do or do not apply to the WS’s A and the M.
• Attending IC to identify issues that facilitated the A, and to learn new coping mechanisms.
• Establishing a narrative of the M through dday that the WS and BS can both agree to.
• The WS affirming and demonstrating his or her desire for the BS as a M partner.
It would be appropriate to use the 180 to detach from your WW if she is not complying with your requirements in order to Not Divorce her. If she is not willing to meet your requirements to feel safe, then it is completely reasonable that you would detach and focus on your needs and those of your children. Spending more time together as a couple, while ignoring the fallout from her betrayal of your relationship, I do not believe will be helpful in the long term.
It is also reasonable that you take some time to step back and reassess your life and your M. Look at how much of what you do is co-dependency. How much have you given up for the M? Can you take some time to establish or re-enforce your social network of friends so you do not rely so much on your WW for support? Are there activities that you gave up or withdrew from after M that you could return to in order to re-establish yourself as a person independent of your WW? Have you considered IC for yourself to help process your feelings and do some values-clarification in the wake of your dday?
From your posts, there is a long history of betrayl with your WW. If she decides to own her A and her issues and wants to work to be the W you deserve, there will be no quick fixes to her and the M. You should be prepared for years of work on your and her part. During these years you do not want to just sit on your hands waiting for her to "get better".
[This message edited by atsenaotie at 10:47 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)]