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Hurthalo posted 1/7/2014 22:09 PM

Trying to piece together my wife's affair history, and it turns out it started while I was away and deployed afterall. In two weeks she logged 1200 SMSs to this arse clown.

While I knew they were texting at the tine of the affair, I had no idea it was in this quantity. How do the wayward's actually hide this?!? On one day alone she sent 303. I can't even fathom the blatancy of it.

I guess the question is, has anyone else encountered such a bewildering amount of correspondence? It's almost mentally insane...

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 10:13 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

BAB61 posted 1/7/2014 22:12 PM

Sorry to hear this .. My STBX fb messaged 1 of his OW over 3000 times in the space of 3 months and I thought THAT was excessive .. of course there were lots of texts and calls that I didn't know about since I was clueless at that point.

I noticed that you mentioned deployment, I was a milspouse for 22 years ... my WH used his deployments and TDY's the way your WW used yours ... smh

In any case, thank you for your service to your country! ((Hurthalo))

ruby44 posted 1/7/2014 22:14 PM

What is she 12. Just proves that they need to maintain constant contact to keep it alive! Pathetic.

Hurthalo posted 1/7/2014 22:20 PM

Thanks Bab61. My WW has been extremely remorseful and has been doing everything right so far in regards to R. But my biggest sticking point is that she could never tell me when the affair with the workmate started. It's always been 'I don't remember...it just crept up' and similar non-committal lines.

Today's investigation of her SMS records revealed it did start while I was away. You would have thought that was a pretty simple thing to answer wouldn't you?

It feels like yet more TT. I'm over it.

RealityStinks posted 1/7/2014 22:52 PM

Hurt halo -
Yes, my WW would text that much on the weekend when I was around. I thought she was just on facebook. I have never looked to see the maximum number of texts in one day. The record phone call was 5 hours long while she was on a business trip.

Your WW texted a lot for sure, but you'll find it is not that uncommon. Sad, but true.

Hang in there man!

MylarPineapples posted 1/7/2014 23:45 PM

I can very much relate to this. I have NO idea how my H got anything at all done at work when he was CONSTANTLY texting during the day. One of the worst realizations for me was when I looked at my calendar and realized he had been texting OW #1 throughout a rare special "romantic" evening out with me. I couldn't figure out when he was doing it that I didn't notice him texting so much during the meal. It sucks to look back on those periods of time with the phone records in hand, I'm sorry.

[This message edited by MylarPineapples at 11:47 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Hurthalo posted 1/7/2014 23:56 PM

On the day of my brother's wedding (2 days before I found out), she SMSed him over 100+ times.

What really infuriates me the most is that one weekend she stayed at her parents house in order to do a 'baby-free' university essay, she texted him from their place over 505 times in one weekend. Yeah, guess how much assignment she evidently got done.

I just can't fathom that many messages, I wouldn't even send that many in 6 months, let alone 2 days!!?!

In terms of the R, this isn't really telling me what I already didn't know, I mean part of the whole affair was that they were doing this to begin with. No surprises there. It's just having the itemised proof in front of your face is daunting to say the least. As my wife said, 'it was like we had started dating, that's what the build up was'. In no relationship have I EVER texted 500 times in 2 days. It's neurotic.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 11:57 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

peoplepleaser posted 1/8/2014 00:20 AM

Yeah, I was told my WS and the first AP texted over 4000 times in 6 weeks. Insane! When I read that she mentioned it was like dating, that made more sense. Since they have to hide it and aren't meeting in person (mine wasn't--I am pretty sure), the only contact they really have is by text. That might explain the exorbitant amount of texts. We've never done that because we haven't had to hide our relationships (more for EAs probably.) Just a thought.

It is devastating though. And when I first brought the frequency of texts to my WS I actually believed the lies she was telling me about what they were texting...until I did the math and realized that averages over 90 texts per day. There weren't that many the total of the second EA in 5 weeks.

Ick!

Dreamland posted 1/8/2014 00:40 AM

So sorry... Yes it can be.. My fWH had 12000 texts/SMS over a six month period. I was in shock. He says he doesn't remember them. Oh and he sent emails too.
When they get addicted to that high of the other person it's unbelievable.
Sending hugs...

Hurthalo posted 1/8/2014 03:08 AM

Seems I'm not the lone ranger! Some of these texting marathons were done right under my nose. I just don't know how I didn't suspect it...and my bullshit radar is generally very good!

What's worse is that they suggest it's because they are dating exclusively by phone, which makes sense but begs the question: why were you trying to date a married f$#÷ing man when you yourself were married?!?!

PRNDL posted 1/8/2014 05:29 AM

Welcome to the club. About a month before D-Day my WWF told me that I texted her too much at work. In reality, my texting to her had never changed.

After D-Day I learned (confession) that she was messaging back and forth so much on FB that my texts were getting in the way. Not to mention the 400 nude pic she sent him of herself.

When I got into her iphone, I found all the messages and texts.

Here is my favorite message she sent him. From my WWF to the OP about me..

"Don't worry, you have him beat in sexiness and everything else."

Thanks wife. That message is forever burned in my head.

scarednbroken posted 1/8/2014 05:48 AM

My Wh logs over 10000 txt a month. If you put it in perspective a "k" or "yes" is one txt and doesn't take long. Also he was good at hiding in the bathroom and he would txt in the bed right next to me "eBay." He also entertained several women incoming txt count as one. If you have a teen you can see how easy it is to rack them up.

As far as why? One of my Wh's txt about sums it up... "It's is such a high knowing that our spouses don't know we are doing this. It's so taboo." It is like a drug and they can't stop. In think it is why my Wh won't quit and doesn't want a D. The taboo goes away. The high is gone.

PRNDL: the sexiness isn't looks or actions. It's the "adventure" I have several pics of the other women (plural). And several are not prettier or sexier or younger looking than me (it took a long time for me to come to that conclusion). They are just not allowed.

CATransplant posted 1/8/2014 06:30 AM

I am sure that my H texted all day long. He racked up over 400 texts a day, not to mention the photos he sent or the phone calls from his phone or the calls from his business phone. All to one low life who was considered a model employee. Boy wouldn't their company love to know what their employees are doing with company time. She was even bold enough to suggest sex in his office. The only thing that stopped them was the fact that the office had video cameras. Just my luck. LOL

staystrong101 posted 1/8/2014 07:26 AM

Hurthalo, Yes I understand the pain and the unimaginable bertayal. My WH texted OW#1 80 - 100 times/day for about 5 years. It's disgusting, and I feel like a fool that he did this right in front of me and I didn't know. We would joke about how he was always on his phone. He told me it was for work and I believed him. I praised him for working so hard for our family. He brought me all his phone records (work phone) when he was trying to R with me. I could see many times we were out to dinner, on family vacations, Mother's day brunch, a special weekend away, etc. when he talked to her the entire time. On the weekend there was a break while we had sex in the hotel, but he texted her right after. He said that was one of their turn-ons, describing the sex they had w their spouses.

One night we had a romantic dinner out - wine, candles, holding hands at times, etc. and he was texting her the whole time. He went to the restroom and was gone a long time. I was concerned about him, that the red wine and red sauce were affecting his stomach again. (He never had stomach issues, this was a common excuse for several years when he needed to leave the table to call one of his OW. I was such a fool.) So after dinner he wanted to go to a particular bar for one drink. When we got there, OW #2 was there. I knew her from church/kids school. She would often just happen to show up where we were. So WH was not only texting OW#1, but he was also texting OW#2 during our dinner. He said it was such an ego boost that he could tell OW#2 where we would be, and she would show up. He said the texts with OW #1 were often sexting, but also just every day things like what he's having for lunch, etc. He started getting annoyed with it, but he didn't want to let go of the sexting so he kept it up. Very strange. I D him. He isn't openly with any of the OW now. He probably is still secretly seeing OW#1, but she is married. I still can't believe he did this to us and to our family.

33years posted 1/8/2014 08:29 AM

Phone calls and text messages (all deleted of course) were how I discovered my WH A The phone bill is in my name so I have easy access to it. Unfortunately he has come up with alternate method of contact that I cannot track. I do believe the 1200+ messages in two weeks is unreal. How can anyone have that much time on their hands? I hope the best for you although I don't have much advice. It's a sad state to be in.

64fleet posted 1/8/2014 08:37 AM

I thought 300 in 10 days was bad-I wondered how she got any work done. And my fWW cannot remember the content of any of them. Textbook, IMO.

Twitchy posted 1/8/2014 08:38 AM

Not text. WW didn't have text at the time. But...

Emails at home
emails at work
FB messages
FB chat
Yahoo chat
MS Messenger

I couldn't help but notice the distance growing between us. It's a wonder she had time to talk to me at all. There wasn't an hour stretch when she was at home where she didn't have her laptop in her hands unless she was asleep.

kra127 posted 1/8/2014 08:39 AM

Yup on dday alone WH texted the OW 30+ times. They were in contact for almost 2 months so you figure that's almost 2000 texts during that time. That doesn't even take into account the actual phone calls either. I'd love to let the OW's superiors in the military know how much work time she was wasting texting my WH.

Hurthalo posted 1/8/2014 13:23 PM

Staystrong: It takes a special kind of narcissist to have the OW show up at your dates. Unbelievable.

Well guys and girls, it appears this kind of behaviour is textbook afterall. My WW tried ibitially to blame the affair on myself 'exiting the marriage'. There's only one person who exited the marriage I'm afraid! Not to mention the fact that an affair that I was told for the last two months since d-day was only '6 weeks long' has now been revealed to be pushing 4 months before it was discovered by OMW. Not even back to work 2 months from maternity leave and she was already trying to date a married man. If it wasn't so soul destroying it would actually be funny.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 1:24 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

shatteredapart posted 1/8/2014 14:13 PM

I found out by noticing on our cell bill that he was averaging over 6,000 texts a month. I tracked it back from August until March/April. I couldn't locate March's bill. Prior to that he was averaging 1,200. There were tons of picture messages too that he claims were nothing sexual. He admitted to sometimes texting her for hours at night while he was sitting right next to me! Now that's messed up.
I could only see 2 1/2 weeks of phone records for calls to her but those averaged to be 90 minutes a day, mostly while he was working. Weekends he spoke to her after he went to the gym on Saturdays or would leave the room to take a "work call". Also, during those 2 weeks we were on vacation for a week and there was a holiday weekend in there so I imagine that a normal month was much higher. It sickens me. We had an old friends and family plan from Verizon at the time. He actually had me add her number after going over his allotted minutes and paying an extra $150 one month and $390 the next. I wish I had thought to check the bill then.