Get yourself to IC, get ready to live life. Don't think of it as life alone - he is not the only person on earth! You are going to live a real life filled with the discovery of you, and I bet you're a pretty great person.
I am so sorry for your pain and know it first hand. Our first weeks after discovery were filled with me taking unbelievable mental abuse from my H. Stay strong and seek support when you need it.
You are NOT alone.
Happy Belated Birthday.
I agree with eachdayisvictory.
Prepare yourself to live the happy life you want!! Whatever that entails. Ic, volunteering, new interests or hobbies, hanging out with your friends. Make new ones if you have too.
Dont sit around and wait on him. His head is up his ass.
Time to emotionally detach. I know there was a post just yesterday on this, though i dont remember where it was. It was written by Lordhasaplan though, so you should be able to find it by looking at his profile.
Good Luck and lots of hugs 33years.
Get out there and start living!!
You've probably got a lot more power than you realize. Have you talked with a lawyer to see what really happens financially if you split? IIRC, you probably still have a right to some of his pension and insurance benefits, for example.
Also, if you find your power, you may also find your H may go NC, do IC, answer your questions - in short, do a real R. But if he doesn't, you'll know you can thrive on your own.
I'm not saying 'D'. I'm not even saying 'file'. I'm just saying 'find out what your rights are and figure out the pluses and minuses of D'.
You deserve better than you are allowing yourself to have. Maybe you can do a lot better than you think.
Your husband sounds like he is still in the fog, and still infatuated with the OW. About the only thing that will snap them out of that is a hard 180 and your williness to let the marriage go. Even if you don't want to and would love to reconcile, he has got to believe that you are done and moving on.
See and attorney, get your financial options laid out, and then let him know you saw the attorney. If he really wants the other woman and she him then he will leave and you will be better off.
If he is just in that foggy fantasy, that mid-life crisis, then that should snap him out of if.
But you will have to be tough. Total transparency on his part. Access to all cell phones, computers, etc. No secret accounts, no secret passwords. And absolutely, NOT CONTACT with OW. He need to either call her or email her with that information and you need to be with him when he does it.
I know how horrible it is to have all of those years, all of those memories, all of those struggles, together with another person who then betrays and hurts you more than you could ever have believed possible. This is not your fault, none of it and you deserve better treatment than this. Hugs. K
Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.