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I'm stuck

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Joanh posted 1/8/2014 10:00 AM

If you have been following anything that has been happening, you know we are on a up and down rollercoater ride for the last couple of months.

As a WW or WH what have you done to get through it.

I am and I do keep falling. I am at the point again that I feel immobile. I am learning things about myself, And I am learning to be appreciative of the things I have and those around me. I am saddened, disappointed and ashamed for not doing something before or seeing it clearly. I am ashamed that I let my shame of childhood, my feeling of unworthiness and underserving let me rule my life. I am taking it back and I am living better.

But ...

My fear of rejection is strong , but I'm pushing through it. I'm staying vulnerable and keeping my walls down. At the same time I fight the desire to close off. I hope and dream, and yet it doesn't seem enough.

I work on myself for myself, yet feel guilty for doing so, I want to get better, I only have 40 years left and I've wasted a lot of unused happiness because of my thinking and coping, I don't want to anymore.

How do I do this , how do I move forward when the one I want to come with me can't yet or may never be able too?

I know healing is different for everyone. But how do you go forward and leave the other person behind. Or not feel guilty for healing.

I know my reasons, they hit me on a daily basis, I am aware of the things I say and do , I think of the consequences, and yet to move forward to feel better about myself feels so wrong. As wrong as my decision to cheat were.

What did you do or are doing.?

toasted22 posted 1/8/2014 11:57 AM

How do progress while the roller coaster rolls on.

I have found some help by doing these things.

1. Live one day at a time. Everyday is going to be different. Tomorrow won't necessarily be the same as today so don't despair.

2. Keep an encouragement journal. Our minds quickly choose to follow the negative, but there is so much positive to be thankful for.

3. Have an insight book. I have a little book which I have written all my MC and IC insights down in. I read these everyday first thing. Just helps me keep focus.

4. Read heaps and share your reading with BS. Demonstrating your desire to learn and change will help them to see your taking responsibility.

Hope this is helpful

Joanh posted 1/8/2014 12:31 PM

Thanks toasted

I do some of those things and I try hard. I might start the incentive journal, and I have a grateful journal.

And I am trying hard to live the one day at a time.

And I do read non stop, anything that is suggested and then some from research and IC suggestions.

I guess the hard part to keep moving is seeing and hearing my BS, how to keep going thru their hurt and anger if you know what I mean.

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