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Love? F*** that, I Hate the man!!!

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betrayed13yrs posted 1/8/2014 12:58 PM

Okay so I was making my STBX think that there was a chance at R so that I could get through the holidays. I moved out four months ago, but I told him to stop asking me on dates until after the first of the year. On New Years I was at the house with him and the kids, at midnight he asked me on a date. I said Yes because we've fallen back into our marriage routine of hugging, kissing, texting...Ugh! I've been having serious anxiety because I don't know how to break the fucking pattern now that it has been started, I don't want him to feel like I'm leading him on, I feel mean. I know, I know, why the hell should I give two shits about his feelings!?!? Well, we were supposed to have that date last night. When I got off of work he asked me if I am dropping the default or not since we are "trying". I told him I don't know and I want to see the paperwork from his attorney first. He proceeded to tell me that he'd pass on the date and maybe we could date after the divorce. HA! Not Likely! I then told him all of the additional evidence I've found of his cheating. I said, and I quote, "XXX, I have more evidence of you cheating than any other woman in the history of infidelity, and you still deny it all?" I liked that line. Of course he said it's all assumptions and I make things up. WTFE!

So this is why I'm really irritated today. He just emailed me at work and said, "So are we 100% done? I am at the travel agent and need to know. The boats fill up fast and I want to take (daughter) on the Disney Cruise this summer." I swear to God I HATE this man. This is what he does, Narcissistic POS, he knows I don't want to miss anything with my kids and lures me in with shit like this.

Oh and just for shits and giggles, here is a list of the cheating evidence that he denies:

1. Been secretly talking to OW for three years
2. I found EXPLICIT photos of her on my laptop two years ago
3. They talk for hours and text off of the hook
4. I found a concert ticket hidden in his closet purchased by her, that he went out of town for the night to see (with buddies from work of course)
5. He has secret accounts for Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Ashley Madison, and Match (who knows what else.)
6. Twitter messages from Whore stating she was at another concert with him
7. maternity photos on her FB, with him. It's their silhouette, but we have been together for 13 years, I know what his body looks like in the dark.
8. Her FB has a pic of their converse and he commented "Mine look better" (he denies they're his shoes, he says he was just saying he has better chucks, HA!)
9. He went out of town 2 years ago, the night I packed up all of our shit and left, and lied about who he was with and where he stayed (like a different town altogether. And yes, I took his ass back)
10. A new maternity pic of their feet, in converse, with pink converse in between. And guess what, it's our wedding photographer!
11. A bday card to him from her, stating he's the best boyfriend ever, blah blah blah. I skipped to the bottom and it said: Love, WHore and baby's name (and by the way, the baby's name is not common at all, no possible way could I guess at it. Well, I found on twitter that it is in fact the baby's name. Oh, and he wrestled me to the ground to rip the card out of my hand when I found it!)
12. he took my daughter on a date with whore when I was at home with our two week old son.
13. My daughter tells me when whore is at the house
14. He took MY kids to Whore's best friends family thanksgiving dinner, and yes he denies that
15. I read all the texts between him and one of the girls he met on match. She and I are now friends. She had no clue and luckily I contacted her before they did anything. He seriously sounded like a serial killer in the texts, I'm talking EVERYTHING a girl wants to hear.
16. He says he's working overtime, but on the few occasions I felt he was lying I drove by his work and his truck was NOT there.
17. Went to Baseball games with her, I know because the pics of the vehicle they drove in for the tailgater happen to be the same, not so common, vehicle as her gay guy friend.
18. There have been a ton of other "coincidences" throughout our 13 years.
19. He cheated in high school
20. I filed a restraining order and he told me that they were going to fire him, even showed me a text from his boss. Of course my mom called the company, they said, "A restraining order would have absolutely no affect on their job. The only way a restraining order would become an issue is if both parties worked for the company, and even then, we would just put them on different shifts.

****** And the #1 pièce de résistance
21. They are registered together for their baby at three different stores and an online baby registry site. He denies it and says that when he got her a gift it must have been a mistake the stores made. HAHAHAHA this guy is a fucking joke!!!!

And yes, there's more........

pregnantandsad posted 1/8/2014 13:15 PM

Holy shit betrayed. My mouth is still hanging open after reading through that list. I honestly don't know how you have stayed so long knowing what you know. Not only getting ow pregnant, but having maternity photos taken and baby registries? I am sitting here in shock.

You deserve better than this. He is baiting you with that cruise. I know you don't want to miss out on anything, but at some point you need to say enough is enough. I thought I would put up with anything to avoid losing any time with my children, but I am now seeing that I am so much happier and healthier without wh in my life.

Kajem posted 1/8/2014 13:23 PM

Honor your feelings, you don't want to date. Don't date.

I would NOT give him any more insight into your Proof of HIS infidelity. Let your attorney do that.

Not making a decision to move one way or the other, is still a decision. Doesn't mean you need to use your proof to convince him he's cheating, you don't need him to validate your truth.

You KNOW the truth, say it a few more times. Say it everytime he tries to tell you differently! He won't validate what YOU know to be true, doing that opens up a can of worms he can't afford to let loose.

You KNOW the truth....



nowiknow23 posted 1/8/2014 13:32 PM

But are you SURE?????

What a delusional ass.

BAB61 posted 1/8/2014 18:36 PM

WTF? Please, re-read what you've written .. all the shit he's put you through and YOU don't want to be mean to him?? Seriously ...

Virginiagirl posted 1/8/2014 18:56 PM

You aren't obligated to prove to him that he cheated. As the other poster said, that will be your lawyers' job. (Plus, why continue telling him what you know and giving him time to creat alibis/cover stories?) I say, don't even allow a discussion of it. State it like it's fact - which you know it is- and just ignore any stupid attempt by him to gaslight you. You have ready about gas lighting, right? Cuz he's a perfect example. You don't have to engage at all. You don't have to argue your point. Just roll your eyes or whatever if he denies or makes up an excuse, and continue on with what you are saying!
There was an awesome book called "Pulling your own Strings" that rocked my world by putting forth that simple concept- that you aren't in any way obligated to explain/prove you POV or thinking to anyone else. It becomes ingrained in you to do that, especially with a manipulative spouse.
You don't have to tell him WHY you believe (KNOW!!) anything. He knows you're right. Having to reel off your "proofs" only to have him try to fritter them away just hurts you more and helps him cloud the issue.

I am in the same place where I have agreed to R but am really realizing it is impossible, only 6 weeks in. I feel obligated to keep trying. I feel like I have to find one last, solid fact that he has lied about to justify myself. But as my therapist pointed out - and as we all know, deep down, beneath our self-imposed sense of duty to these buttheads- we DON'T need a final "deal-breaker". Their A(s) are the reason. Saying we will try to reconcile doesn't mean we have to sell ourselves short. Because life's too short.

ThisHell posted 1/8/2014 19:03 PM

holy f**** shit....I'm so sorry for the crap you have been through. And I tip my hat to your patience because if that were my husband he would be sleeping on his fucking stomach every night!

Question: are ya'll still living together? If so, he needs ta GO! His sorry ass can go live with his pregnant girlfriend! You don't need this crap and deserve way better than could you even "date" again if you will only be "starting over" on a layer of lies!? He hasn't been truthful of the A, done any work involved in becoming a healthier person if its not acknowledged!

You can do better...and don't feel guilty at all. He's manipulating you and being hurtful with the cruise thing. You and your daughter will have your own time to enjoy things like this and he can sit back and wonder what he's missing out on.

debbysbaby posted 1/8/2014 20:39 PM


I am so sorry.

shiloe posted 1/8/2014 21:17 PM

he needs ta GO! His sorry ass can go live with his pregnant girlfriend!

Do you know for a fact that this whore is pregnant?

Too him?? Does he deny it. He can't keep something like that hidden forever. When is the whore due?

You should file for CS pronto.

He wants YOU to say that the M is 100% done so then he can say it was you that ended it and not him.

betrayed13yrs posted 1/8/2014 21:30 PM

It's funny that you mention Gaslighting, I only just heard about it yesterday and started a post about it. When I read what it was I was like "Holy shit!!! They must have known my husband when they created this tactic!" And no, I am not living with him.

And no he has never admitted to it being his baby. In fact, he says he has never cheated, EVER, and since he lost his virginity to me I am the only girl he has ever had sex with. YA RIGHT!!! She was due December 26th but I haven't been able to find anything out, not even on her FB, twitter, or Instagram. I'm sure she is hiding as much as she can. What's funny, well not at all actually, is how the fuck did I get HPV if I have not had sex with anyone but him in 14 years?!?!?! He says he doesn't know how I got it and that he had himself tested and doesn't have it. I highly doubt he even went to the doctor. I have said I'm 100% done several times but he lures me back and uses the kids leverage. This time, no way! I pray that I can stick to my guns.

peridot posted 1/9/2014 00:46 AM

You need to file temporary orders like yesterday for child support. If she files something first for child support then that baby will always come before your kids. You need to file something quick even if it's just a garnishment order through the state.

ThisHell posted 1/9/2014 02:41 AM

Sigh...HPV..Aren't A's just the gift that keeps on giving? Of course he came back clean! They don't have tests specifically for HPV for men!

I have been there...started having weird issues, and went for a pap. never had an abnormal pap in my whole life. was only with 2 other people before EX and we were married 12 years. I had cancerous cells removed from my cervix last year due to HPV (which has since run its course) and just recently was hospitalized for the most excruciating pains I have ever known in my abdomen. Literally, my boyfriend left work to come rush me to the ER because I was at a point of not being able to get myself up off the floor of my kitchen. Come to find out, all the mess caused from the HPV led to me having PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) and the pain I was having was a severe flare up. This explained the increasingly more frequent random pains I have had for over 2 years now! Well I have had 3 separate doctors do STD workups and all three have said, even though HPV can lay dormant for a while before you know its there, the likelihood of it NOT coming from his cheating was slim to none. They all said if it was from a previous partner I would have had issues much sooner. EX also says he and OW were "clean" so it couldn't have been from him. Well, guess what jackass, you wouldn't show it on regular std screening and she very well could have had it and passed it to me. It may have just not shown up for her or run its course with no issues like many women.

Please don't believe his crap. You know you didn't just get it from out of nowhere...he just can't handle the guilt of believing he may have really done damage to you. That's how my EX is. He needs to live in his little fairy land and cling to whatever he can to assure it wasn't his fault. meanwhile, I will deal with PID for the rest of my life. hoping I never have a flare up as badly as I did most recently. take care of yourself...keep a close eye on any abnormal feelings with your body and get checked often.


nowiknow23 posted 1/9/2014 13:09 PM

You need to file temporary orders like yesterday for child support. If she files something first for child support then that baby will always come before your kids. You need to file something quick even if it's just a garnishment order through the state.
This x 1000!

betrayed13yrs posted 1/9/2014 17:00 PM

It is such a coincidence that you mention pelvic pains. I was just diagnosed with the HPV last February and the did a biopsy of my cervix. It came back as minimal and the doctor said I'd have to do a work up once a year to keep an eye on it. That being said, I have had weird period like cramps. They aren't bad, but, I just had a period and because I have an IUD, I rarely have them anymore. I'll start paying attention to the cramping, but I'm also having some milky discharge which isn't normal. UGH I hate him!!! I told him that they can't test men, or course he said that's bullshit because he was tested. Ya right, lying sack of shit!!! When we first got married, or perhaps before, I went to the doctor for a scent that I'd never had before. I seriously have no scent down there, not even on that time of the month. But, when I went to the doctor he said it was bacterial vaginosis, which is an STI. I knew in my mind it was because he likely cheated, because there had been other "coincidences" as I called them. I denied it to myself and had it treated. Since then I get it every once in a while, and it's always the day or two after sex. I now know that his dirty ass was likely giving it to me since he obviously (baby with whore, duh) has been having unprotected sex with God knows how many women. I feel like who the hell else would want me if they knew how ruined I am:(

betrayed13yrs posted 1/9/2014 17:20 PM

Oh and for you men on here, sorry for the TMI

ItHappened2Me2 posted 1/9/2014 18:37 PM

OMG betrayed13 -- you just triggered me (not too bad though). I would frequently get bacterial vaginosis and it always occurred right after sex with WH. I'd get it treated and everything would be fine and then I'd get a reoccurrence. I was in denial too.

THEN, after my WH "confessed" but took the A underground, it happened again. So I thought there must be something wrong with me (bad pH or something like that). Come to find out, he was still F*cking her and he reinfected me -- after I had the full STD panel run.

Sorry TMI and a bit of a t/j - but I feel ya sister!

allatsea posted 1/10/2014 02:30 AM

There is no way back from this. In my situation I was able to forgive everything until WW got pregnant. That was the final nail in the coffin.

Serve him papers. Don't consider his feelings in this. He clearly hasn't considered yours. You have the proof.

I am so sorry

betrayed13yrs posted 1/10/2014 10:29 AM

He was texting me this morning saying that he will find a way to earn my trust and love back and that he never cheated and loves me and misses me and blah blah blah. He says I've just always been pessimistic about everything in life and refuse to see the good he has been doing and the changes he's trying to make. Ya fucking right asshole! I pretty much said I believe absolutely nothing that comes out of his mouth and if he truly was trying to change, he would have changed when I first left him two years ago, he'd do absolutely everything I say, and he'd admit his shit and give me everything I ask for. But, he still doesn't do any of that. I told him this was never about love and appreciation, if that were our only problems we could work on it. I said, "I KNOW that you have cheated on me with OW and others, you have broken our marriage beyond repair, and you have broken me. There is NOTHING you can do to change that, EVER!" He proceeded to tell me that "Whore is engaged and marrying someone else, the guy that she had the baby with, so stop!" I said I WILL not stop because I don't believe that or anything else that comes out of his mouth.

I told him that I have never felt like the right woman for him because (since he's a gaslighting master manipulator) he has always told me that I'm boring, no fun, grouchy, pessimistic, etc... I said the as much as I HATE whore, that they have the same likes and hobbies and would make a better couple so he should just go be with her. LOL! He responded with "Goodbye" Ya exactly, GOODBYE ASSHOLE! If only he'd stick to it. He'll be texting by the end of the day, mark my words. I can't wait for all of this shit to be behind me.

sparkysable posted 1/10/2014 10:43 AM

How are your locks not changed with this piece of shit's stuff on the front lawn?

sparkysable posted 1/10/2014 10:50 AM

He was texting me this morning saying that he will find a way to earn my trust and love back and that he never cheated and loves me and misses me and blah blah blah. He says I've just always been pessimistic about everything in life and refuse to see the good he has been doing and the changes he's trying to make.
how about we find the OW's phone # and forward her these texts?

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