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I can't, it won't stop , I can't stop shaking,

Breathe Joan.

Be here right now in this moment.

What happened?

I hear you Joanh.

Slow your breathing. Concentrate on just the next breath.

The sad truth the loss the pain I cause , the failure, the reality,

the reality it sounds like my children knew more than I thought and how much they would have been confused. putting myself in his shoes.

The failure to protect the ones I love from me.

The failure , the fact I broke him, and no logic no, he has to heal himself, none of that makes a difference because he didn't choose this, I did.

And I think of all the things he tried to do to show me love. And even though the Ic says that they may not been meeting my needs. I think it all bullshit. Its me. And my family is in danger being with me.

THe pain in his voice, his want to be better, I made that I gave him that. For what a thrill a fix No FOO or CSA will ever explain that I am an adult and I failed life and I failed them. and now their broken

Cry it out Joan. But don't give in to the despair.

You didn't break him. He's hurt, not destroyed. He can heal from this. You can help him.

Your kids have been harmed too. They can learn grace and strength in overcoming adversity. You can help them to have a better childhood and life because you are willing to face down your FOO issues and the pain from your CSA.

No, FOO and CSA aren't excuses to cheat but they are contributing factors and we need to face them down in order to become healthy.

(((Jonah))))

Joan:

Life is not a pass/fail course. You have NOT failed.

You are human, you made mistakes, and by showing your family you are willing to change, you can give them a powerful gift.

No one has the right to judge you a failure. And that includes you.

Chin up, Joan. You are NOT a failure.

JD

I'm feeling you. It's a crying day for sure .

((((Joanh))))

You are a good, valuable person who made some crappy choices. Everyone makes crappy choices at one time or another. It's what you do after that is most important, IMO.

Keep healing. Keep growing. I'm sorry it's so painful, but you can do this.

He isn't broken. He is hurting. it will get better, it will. The most important thing for me was that H made it clear to me he loved me and chose me and wanted to make it as a couple. That means a lot. But it takes time. Please just stay strong x

I can relate to this. I have these moments too often. My eyes hurt from crying so much. I am sick to my stomach and can't sleep. I am miserable. I guess this is part of my punishment for the awful thing I did. ((Hugs))