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Joanh (original poster member #39146) posted at 7:54 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2014
I can't, it won't stop , I can't stop shaking,
BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....
knightsbff ( member #36853) posted at 8:07 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2014
Breathe Joan.
Be here right now in this moment.
What happened?
fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 8:07 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2014
I hear you Joanh.
Slow your breathing. Concentrate on just the next breath.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
Joanh (original poster member #39146) posted at 8:34 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2014
The sad truth the loss the pain I cause , the failure, the reality,
the reality it sounds like my children knew more than I thought and how much they would have been confused. putting myself in his shoes.
The failure to protect the ones I love from me.
The failure , the fact I broke him, and no logic no, he has to heal himself, none of that makes a difference because he didn't choose this, I did.
And I think of all the things he tried to do to show me love. And even though the Ic says that they may not been meeting my needs. I think it all bullshit. Its me. And my family is in danger being with me.
THe pain in his voice, his want to be better, I made that I gave him that. For what a thrill a fix No FOO or CSA will ever explain that I am an adult and I failed life and I failed them. and now their broken
BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....
knightsbff ( member #36853) posted at 9:09 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2014
Cry it out Joan. But don't give in to the despair.
You didn't break him. He's hurt, not destroyed. He can heal from this. You can help him.
Your kids have been harmed too. They can learn grace and strength in overcoming adversity. You can help them to have a better childhood and life because you are willing to face down your FOO issues and the pain from your CSA.
No, FOO and CSA aren't excuses to cheat but they are contributing factors and we need to face them down in order to become healthy.
(((Jonah))))
fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
JustDesserts ( member #39665) posted at 9:39 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2014
Joan:
Life is not a pass/fail course. You have NOT failed.
You are human, you made mistakes, and by showing your family you are willing to change, you can give them a powerful gift.
No one has the right to judge you a failure. And that includes you.
Chin up, Joan. You are NOT a failure.
JD
2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 51. Her: BW, 50. Married 20 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.
Wayflost ( member #41583) posted at 11:16 AM on Thursday, January 9th, 2014
I'm feeling you. It's a crying day for sure .
"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly."
SpotlessMind ( member #41775) posted at 4:15 PM on Thursday, January 9th, 2014
((((Joanh))))
You are a good, valuable person who made some crappy choices. Everyone makes crappy choices at one time or another. It's what you do after that is most important, IMO.
Keep healing. Keep growing. I'm sorry it's so painful, but you can do this.
fWS/BS--me
BH/WH--him
Married: 12 yrs
D-Day: October
Kids: yes
watersofavalon ( member #37984) posted at 4:27 PM on Thursday, January 9th, 2014
He isn't broken. He is hurting. it will get better, it will. The most important thing for me was that H made it clear to me he loved me and chose me and wanted to make it as a couple. That means a lot. But it takes time. Please just stay strong x
Me - BW 50
H - 53
T 32 years
M 21 years
3 children from 11 to 17.
EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.
Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?
I guess we are there now. Things are good, very good, but we ha
Kap12 ( member #41759) posted at 1:29 AM on Friday, January 10th, 2014
I can relate to this. I have these moments too often. My eyes hurt from crying so much. I am sick to my stomach and can't sleep. I am miserable. I guess this is part of my punishment for the awful thing I did. ((Hugs))
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