Hello, I am new here, and I wasn't sure where to post. I would just like to hear from other betrayed people, opinions on whether the situation I am in would be worth fighting for or not. I know we're not married, and we're both young, so it may seem like petty, unimportant things I should move on from, but I would like someone to listen to my story. Sorry in advance for the huge wall of text.
I started dating my SO in July of 2012. I was a couple weeks shy of 21 and he was 28. We met on a dating website and hit it off great. SO is divorced from an unemployed, drug and alcohol addicted ex-stripper, and has a four year old son, two at the time we met. (I only mention the ex-wife because it plays a role later. He is neither on drugs and rarely drinks alcohol.)
Everything was great for the first two or three months. I loved being around him, and we always had fun together. Gradually, he started becoming distant and even slightly mean. He would treat me like I was a piece of furniture in the room, and break promises. He said insensitive, but no over-the-top things, and it was obvious he couldn't care about how I felt or anything.
Every once in a while we would have a great time together, but he would immediately push me away again. I had nothing but awkward, screwed up relationships with "odd" people in the past, so I figured this was normal. He kept telling me "Relationships have honeymoon phases. We just are comfortable around one another so we're not in it anymore."
Honestly, I love him, and that's why I stayed with him, knowing what a wonderful man he once was, I was hoping it would shine through again. I guess I'm a little naive. Things remained the same until mid April.
He started warming up to me again, and treating me like I was his girlfriend and not just a "video game buddy." I was so happy! But... suspicious. On June 7th, I was sitting on my computer after he had went to bed, and his phone buzzed. He left it in the living room, whereas usually he was attached to it like a vital organ. I had a horrible gut wrenching feeling and checked it out.
This is when I discovered he was cheating on me with a 60-year old married woman that he met via World of Warcraft. He denied it at first and said "Oh, that's just how we talk to each other." But it was
obvious he had slept with her. I confronted him and he broke down. He told me he only slept with her once (I don't believe that. They had been in contact for 3 months) and that he immediately regretted doing
so, but was afraid she would tell me or her "jealous gun-toting husband" She basically said that “it would be a shame if my husband found out… he’d come down here and kill you…so I guess you have to stay my FWB” He said he was trying to wean her away from him by being distant from her, but I don’t really believe that too much. It’s in the past now and I can’t do much about it.
He said he didn't want to lose me and that's why he didn't tell me, because he knew I would split. I was so heartbroken, and shunned him for days. He cut all contact with her, on his phone, on his computer,
everything. He took the passwords off his computer and told me I have free range of anything of his. A few nights later, I was sitting watching TV after going out for supper with my friend (female) and he broke down. He fell to his knees, put his head in my lap, and started crying and sobbing, begging me to give him another chance. I have never, ever seen this man cry before. There was a couple of weeks of him begging, pleading, breaking down and apologizing before I decided to give it a shot.
He promised to make everything right if I gave him a second chance. I asked him why he had cheated and he kept claiming "I was curious. Ex wife cheated on me, dad cheated on mom (worked things out), and SIL cheated on brother." BULL! What a sorry pathetic excuse! (More on that later)
He suggested we go to couple's counseling, and that he would pay for it, I would just pick one out I liked. We have been going there since June, and it has helped a lot. He has completely turned his life around, got a nice job, started being healthier, and has treated me amazingly since then, more wonderfully than I deserve. I have been part of his family, and he has been part of mine. He is a complete 180 from what he was a year ago, and I am happy to call him my boyfriend.
Just a couple of months ago we had gotten into an argument, and he finally confessed as to why he really cheated: Every girl he dated before me was... well, to put it nicely, the dredges of society. He got fed up with it and put up a wall. He met me, and I treated him like a human being. He apparently went into self defense mode and thought "The rest of them screwed me over, what does SHE, a normal, nice girl see in someone like ME? She's going to do what they did." so he closed himself off to prevent himself from getting hurt. He admits he treated me horribly and made an awful decision, and wants to make it all up to me now, and he even told our counselor that the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life was betraying me.
I am still hurting, but things are getting better each day. I have free range of all his things, and if anything looks suspicious in any way, he proves to me what was happening (i.e. getting called into work on a weekend, he printed out his pay stub to show me he was indeed at work.) I have had no reason not to trust him since “D-Day“, even though I don't completely yet. We spend more time together, and are actually a couple now. We talk, we share, and we vent. He seems excited to see me, and has showered me with affection, and he has matured greatly. He has made it clear that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, marriage, kids, all that. So for now, I guess I'm giving him a second chance. I'm not afraid to leave if I have to, and he knows that. He says he just wants me to be happy. I’ve had a lot of emotional ups and downs, some nights crying and swearing, some happy and content. It’s been 7 months, and even though the progress we’ve made is slow, and is taking time, it is happening.
But I want to hear from other people. I know things aren't always black and white. Has anyone had a similar story? I would like some input on whether or not it seems worth it, or if things are just going to go back to where they were before. If anyone would like any more insight to anything, I would be happy to answer, I would just like some opinions. Thanks :)