I can follow his phone usage on through the phone company and don't see anything suspicious, but I find it weird that he deletes it all.
But you cannot see what he is texting. Not Cool. He is hiding something.
If there is nothing going on, why delete anything.
Have you told him that you don't feel comfortable with him deleting everything?
There should be no secrets, no lies by ommision, complete transparency.
Anything less is a big RED FLAG .
Watch your back my dear 33Years.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Me: WH, 50
Her: BW, 50
D-day: 12/27/2013 (about A that happened 14-15 years ago w/coworker)
Now, that being said, I realize that there are apps my H could be using to bypass all of that monitoring that he uninstalls every day when he comes home. He could have a prepaid cell that he leaves at work that I don't know about. Etc etc etc. If someone is determined to hide things, they will probably find a way to do it for awhile. I have struggled some with having to accept that.
However, I think the onus is on your H to do whatever he can to demonstrate transparency with you. He can't PROVE that he isn't hiding anything in any way, but agreeing to not delete anything from his phone would be a step toward building trust with you and at least prove he isn't hiding anything in his texts or call logs. And if he truly has nothing to hide, than he is not losing anything by agreeing to do so. And definitely, if it is causing you to have any doubts in him, it is something you should bring up and it should be something he wants to help you alleviate.
Good luck, I urge you to talk to him about it.
ETA: For those of us who compare cell phone bills with what shows up on the actual phone to see if anything has been deleted, I have observed that our cell carrier often lists duplicate entries on the online text logs for one individual message, so that one message sent is "billed" as two or three. We have an unlimited texting plan so this really doesn't matter for billing purposes, but for those of us who have gone over those logs with a fine toothed comb it DOES matter! A record of a text sent on the bill that does not have a corresponding entry on the actual phone could have meant a D for me when my H hadn't actually deleted anything, had I not noticed this. I've confirmed this does happen by looking at my own cell logs, and having that spyware installed on H's phone also confirms it. Just FYI for those that might be quick to accuse (pointing at myself)!
[This message edited by MylarPineapples at 2:08 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]
But then he's usually got a "spare" phone tucked away somewhere. Although he's running out of hiding places. That said, I'm really tired of looking for them (last count: 6). He says the addiction is "broken" - he's behaving, but then he's said that many times before, right? Trust completely and utterly gone.
You shouldn't have to ask for complete transparency, it should be offered. Anything less is not tenable. You deserve better.
The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995
The phone bill shows 195 texts in 1 month and low and behold, there are no texts showing dating back to this particular month.
Also, I know the PW to his personal email, so he would have never used that, however, I did ask him to look at his work email and 2 weeks later, he hands me his computer. Its obvious that he had 2 weeks to delete every thing that was there that he didn't want me to see.
Does he have an iphone?
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
WH got a new work Blackberry and his old one is in the a drawer in his office.
Got the old BB out and took out the battery and guess what? The SIM card is not there!
He must have taken it out and thrown it away???
Now I guess there is no way now for me to read the deleted texts off that phone.