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Thanks for the crickets!

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sleepless34 posted 1/8/2014 20:09 PM

I am 5 months out and starting to come around! I can speak to him without wanting to rip his face off, I don't have nightmares every night, the pain in my heart has gone away and the new normal is pretty good. I am thankful I found out who he really is, and even hopeful about the future. Of course dealing with the parenting issues and financials and actual divorce SUCKS beyond belief, but I can at least approach with A LOT less emotion than a few months ago….

I want to say THANK YOU for teaching me about crickets. If I hadn't found this site, I think I would have continued to engage in ridiculous crazy making exchanges with my STBX. Trying to make sense out of something that will never make sense. It was painful to be blindsided with a betrayal, and find out the husband I thought loved me and valued our family was really a lying, deceitful, cowardly Fucktard…..

It was even more painful to deal with the SHIT STORM OF EPIC PROPORTION that ensued after he made his big reveal. How he handled it, how he acted in the direct aftermath and now- it is all telling of his true character. He is pathetic, a loser, a coward and I am disgusted by him. And the cherry on top is that HE is so so angry at ME, because of course this is all somehow my fault.

The crickets- I am telling you-WORK WONDERS. The cheaters want your engagement, they want to piss you off and fight with you to validate what a vindictive bitch/bastard you are so they can feel better about what they did. It is like feeding them their favorite food to engage with them. It allows them to control your emotions and make you feel insane. The blameshifting, the gaslighting, the revising of marital history, the mis-quoting of things you said….all of it ends when you just stop talking to them and shut the hell up. Crickets. I love them. They saved me.

I was thankful for crickets today because I hadn't had to talk to Mr. Integrity for about a month until our mediation. It was so glorious to not talk to him, I didn't respond to his emails except the most basic yes, no, please, thank you basics. I didn't let that Fucktard bother me in any way and I know my ignoring him bothers the shit out of him! Then today I had to see him for one hour to discuss parenting plan. He acted like an ass as usual, and I made it 45 minutes without getting angry. I had one outburst when he called me a liar- I gave him a verbal beat down so harshly the therapist had to stop me. I left there rattled, wanting a drink or a cigaratte or a xanax it was so exhausting and stressful. It was a necessary meeting, but now it is over and I am so happy that I can go back to enjoying my crickets for another month!!! THANK YOU! YOU HAVE HELPED ME SO MUCH SI!

HurtsButImOK posted 1/8/2014 21:07 PM

Well done! A great reminder of the power of crickets. Hope he crawls back under his rock so you can have the peace you deserve.

yestopants posted 1/8/2014 21:33 PM

Thanks for the reminder of the power of crickets! You sound so awesome! I want to be you with your super cricket powers! I think right now if someone asked me if I could have any power….it would be yours…super cricket powers. Thanks for sharing, you are a hero!

GingerAle posted 1/8/2014 22:54 PM

I can totally relate to your post! Our STBX's sound sooooo much alike. And like you, I am extremely thankful that SI has taught me about crickets and the 180. You are so strong! Thanks for sharing this

I love what yestopants called crickets- "Super Cricket Power"!!

BAB61 posted 1/9/2014 00:54 AM

Next month when the $$ comes in I am buying a Hearth Cricket for my house!! They are so cute .. now ... should I get shiny brass, iron, verdigris brass or black??? hmmmm choices, choices!!!

Check them out:

dmari posted 1/9/2014 02:04 AM

Thank you for reminding me of how lovely crickets are!! I am also very grateful to have learned about crickets! It truly has saved my sanity and played a HUGE role in grieving, healing and rebuilding.

And HIGH FIVE to you for making through today's meeting!! and enjoy the peace that crickets will give you for the next month. Oh, BTW ~ I would have had the drink AND the cigarette AND the xanax!

BAB61: I love your idea of getting a cricket statue! I think when my divorce is done I will purchase a cricket figurine for my yard or home.

sleepless34 posted 1/9/2014 13:26 PM

Where do you buy the hearth crickets…I want one too. It will commemorate this horrible time of my life and the strength required to live through it!

Thinkingtoomuch posted 1/9/2014 14:00 PM

I love crickets too! I have started using cricket technology to all facets of any relationships in my everyday life.

Have learned so much since my "hell froze over".

sleepless34 posted 1/9/2014 15:52 PM

I found the hearth cricket and bought one on Amazon. It comes from plow and hearth $15! I can't wait to have a cricket trophy….

NewMom0220 posted 1/9/2014 16:14 PM

I just wanted to post and reiterate that crickets are the best. They really are the answer to most things in regards to my STBX. Unless he is asking me a specific question that I'm legally obligated to answer, I just give crickets all of the time.

I remember the girl who was jumping hoops trying to rationalize with my husband, trying to make him empathize, reacting to all of his blame shifting and mind game bullshit...and I'm so glad I'm not that girl anymore.

Don't get me wrong...I still have the same extreme reactions as I did back then, but only those close to me know that. I haven't even spoken to him since September and I'm so glad he doesn't have any idea how I feel, what I think, or how his words/actions make me feel.

Hooray for NC and Crickets. It's the best.

sleepless34 posted 1/9/2014 17:36 PM

Yes, when they say something stupid, make crazy accusations, blame you, get angry at you….crickets are great. When I had to see the scusband and we have to talk about stuff I end up getting engaged. And then the ANGER comes back. It was Tuesday and I am still recovering from that one meeting two days later.

I can't imagine having to talk to him daily, I would have either killed him by now with my bare hands and would be in jail or I would be in a mental institution.

Cheers to Crickets! Every person on the JUST FOUND OUT FORUM should be immediately getting onto the cricket bus.

Compartmented posted 1/9/2014 20:18 PM

Extreme crickets for my X. I had to laugh when my son recently said that X told him I had been "being distant". Ya' think?

caregiver9000 posted 1/9/2014 20:33 PM

OMG, scusband is my new favorite word!!!!

singleat57 posted 1/9/2014 21:33 PM

What are Crickets?

caregiver9000 posted 1/10/2014 19:51 PM

"crickets" is SI speak for not responding to the crazy accusations or baiting messages from the waywards.

the noise crickets makes= no response.

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