This morning is my first mediation session with him We've been getting along ok, he's still with his MOM, who hasn't left her BS. We're been cordial and I'm trying to stay NC unless it's for kids or finances.
All that said, I'm terrified. This is a huge document that will affect my kids for the next 18 years, or longer. And I didn't want this for them, I would have tried R.
Ugh, this sucks. I'll check back after the session.
DD day October 17th (my birthday, lucky me)
Married 9 years, together 14
DS 5, DD 3
Slowly working through the world's longest and slowest divorce
It was two hours and went well. We were actually quite civil shockingly.
I didn't sign anything, in our province it isn't binding, it's basically passed along to the lawyers to be added to the agreement and then signed. So my lawyer will take a good long look at it.
If your searching for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.
A little history on me, ,my DD was Dec,22,2013. AWESOME !!! holidays for me
DSx2 7 months and 5 years old
From what little info she has given me and if I can believe it 18 month OLE A and PA. Same person.
I don't think im going to even try and R. The A was the ultimate betrayal for me. IM starting to research D in Ontario. I live in Oshawa so hoping to find a Family Law firm out this way. Also look up how to locate a good Lawyer and how to get this started.
Can I ask how you proceeded, found a lawyer and any advice for me at all?
How is your Lawyer? I apologize if this is too personal but what does it look like this will end up costing you?
Also in Ontario do we need to have a one year separation agreement before we can legally get divorced? I apologize I feel so overwhelmed....
I have a good family friend who is a real estate lawyer and he recommended my D lawyer. The D lawyer recommended the mediator. I would try and reach out and see if any family/friends have any recommendations. My BFF is also a lawyer so she also had some names for me just in case the first didn't work out.
I believe it is a year of separation. This is likely going to cost me approximately 5K, when it's all said and done, and that's just lawyers and mediator Thankfully my parents are in a position to help me out a bit.
What I did was get a sep agreement written up by a divorce mediator. It did the custody and split all the finances. Done. I had a lawyer read it over to make sure all the legal mumbo jumbo was correct. I did wait the year, but did file with adultery as the reason at that time out of principal. XH signed it. NOTHING changed from our sep agreement. I just filled out the divorce papers, attached the sep agreement. I did use my lawyer for that too.
I think between the mediator and my lawyer I managed to spend under a thousand. XH did pay for half the mediator, but didn't pay any of the filing fees or my lawyer.
When you guys can PM, if you have any questions, PM me. I'm on frequently. Until then, post here. I'll keep an eye out for you. There are other Ontarians here also.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
How do you find a mediator or is one appointed to your case?
Are you able to have a separation written up but still live together? Maybe a Lawyer question.
We have a House that I will have to pay for, I will not be able to afford an apartment and the house. I guess I would have to stay with Family for a bit until we could sell the house but that might take months.
My L suggested some mediators and I chose one. It isn't mandated but I wanted one. Lawyers are expensive and we are mostly on the same page regarding the kids. Finances are more complicated and will likely be handled by the lawyers.
STBWXH is living in apartment, he moved out a week after DDay. He's paying for it while maintain the house. I have a feeling his mommy and daddy are helping out, because lord knows he can't afford it.
If you do use a mediator, remember, they are NOT going to look out for your best interest. They are there to do what is "fair", and what looks pretty on paper. The only reason it worked for us is my XH was in SUCH a fog, he just wanted to get it done, and would have agreed to anything...he didn't care, he just wanted to be with his skank. I researched the things that were important to me first, knew what I wanted, and wouldn't budge. I will say though, I did appreciate that she brought up some items I had never thought of, and wouldn't have put in on my own.
We had the sep agreement written up and signed in August. The date of Sep on the agreement (ie. it stated that we had been separated as of) was in May, I think. Yes, we still lived in the same house until the end of August. As long as you aren't living as man and wife (ie, in the same bed) sep can start while you are still in the same house.
As far as the house goes, either you buy her out, she buys you out, or you sell it and split the equity. Or, you be creative. We had a lot of debt, mostly my XH's. If we had sold the house, the equity would have paid off our debt, but I wouldn't have had a down payment for a new place for the kids and I. So, I decided to keep the house. We had the house appraised. Then, we took off what was left owing on the mortgage. So, I would have owed him half of the equity amount left over. I couldn't do that....so, I went to a mortgage broker, and found out how much I could get on my own, then I offered him that I would take more of the debt, not all of it, but more, and he wouldn't take his equity. He agreed to the less debt on his plate. So, I refinanced in my name only. The house is now mine only. You can figure out a way. Offer something up that you can give up, and see what happens, if you really want to keep the house. I actually hate this house and can't wait until my youngest graduates to move....but it really was the only way I can keeping a roof over my kids heads that was acceptable to me.
Can I ask how the custody was decided in both your situations?
I have read that in Ontario they prefer to give custody to the primary care giver. That would be my WW. she has only worked part time ( mind you mostly evenings, so I had the children then) since the birth of our first son.
I would like a 50/50 split, but realize I may have to fight for that. Especially since my youngest is only 7 months and my wife breast feeds which I have heard she could use in her favor?
If I get EOW I will go above and beyond that to be more involved in my DSx2 life's and I realize no matter what I will be paying CS. It just sucks that I may have to pay SS even though she had the A and cause us to be in this situation.
No serious talks have happened with my WW so this is just me and my thoughts on how my situation may and or can go.
My L told me that adultery is hard to prove which is why we didn't go down that road.
I would go with mediation but there are some complicated financial pieces that I'd prefer to have a lawyer handle.
XH had a fit; asked why did I do that?? I said, I wanted the truth on the paperwork for anyone that looked at it down the road. He came back another day and said all *4* of his lawyers (I almost burst out laughing in his face, I don't believe he hired one AT ALL, never mind 4!) told him not to sign it. I said fine; I'd be happy to name OW in the paperwork, do depositions, call her work and have her be a witness at our court case. He signed them a day later. Would I have won if we went to court? Probably not, but I would have made him miserable in the process. The courts also signed them no problem.
I wasn't trying to say file as adultery, just letting never know it's one of the ways to not have to do the year wait.
Never, I will post about custody in a bit, I have a few things I gotta do right now.