I find myself in need of the insights of my friends here once again.
Quick recap; wife left for another man, wife came back, wife got sick (cancer), wife passed away.
Now I'm starting anew, with someone who happened to come back into my life from years ago. We're talking 20 plus years. We've both been through lifes trials and tribulations, and now have each other. Problem?? I find myself letting the past make me question everything. I'm suspicious, paranoid, and just plain stupid. My new love has never given me a reason to doubt her, yet, I compare everything to the past. HELP!!!!!!!
It's been about a year since your wife died, right? How long have you been seeing your new love?
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ― Pema Chödrön
nice to see you. one day at a time. actions not words. Remember trust builds over time. Its not instant right? Don't be too hard on yourself. Can you work with an IC on this?
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Since Sept. NIK.
I know Hexed.
It's like I see demons where there should be angels. I'm thinking about getting some counseling. Probably should have before now.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
What I do is watch and listen and keep my mouth shut when thoughts of previous trauma kick in...lol. And repeat to myself, "this person is not my ex."
I figure if I'm a good moral person then there must be more of us. There's no way I'm the only one on this earth. They're innocent until proven guilty so I'm going to enjoy the companionship but stay aware and listen to my gut.
Last DDay: 7/15/09 TT: 2/28/11 TT: 3/5/11 Dday again: 3/10/2011 All Done: Better late then never.
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
I found it was very helpful to do this: First, self-soothe with a mantra such as "this person is not my ex. Don't tar him with the same brush." Second, to explore my reaction. WHY did I have that reaction to his action? What triggered me? Third, I told myself that I was fine before he came along, and I would be fine if this didn't work out. Fourth, I would then plan to talk to him about it if I really felt it was still an issue (it has never been an issue--most of my fears are triggers or my own insecurities).
I think IC is a good idea.
Cat
I do realize now that I am older with a bit more experience (I was going to say mileage but I think we will go with experience instead ) I don't give trust as easily. I used to trust everyone, now I kind of sit back and watch someone's actions over time to see if they jive with their words.
Good to see you again!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel Like you're less than, less than perfect
Whatever your issues or concerns, we have your back.
Instincts first then actions. Follow these in genuine reflection of life's experiences and you won't go far wrong. I.C and staying with S.I. will also help you through
Good luck.
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)
Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!
Welcome back.
Talking through things with your new love interest is super important. It's also hard to do.
I second (third, fourth?) the suggestion you take yourself to a counselor for some guidance as you navigate your NB. It's been HUGE for my healing.
Separated, divorcing, moving on. I edit because I always make typos.
