Thanks for listening to me. Another thing is that I really only have him to talk to about this, I did tell one friend recently but not everything. I am such a private person and it is hard to even share it with everyone here.
Last thing, we have not gone to either IC or MC mainly because we cannot aford it right now. But WH said he would go, said "I will do whatever it takes". I hope to get into counselling by March or April, that is when my finances should get a bit better. I did buy a book called after the affair but I find it difficult to read just because I get so emotional and then cannot concentrate on what I am really reading, plus it is hard to do with my 16 and 20 year old hanging around. They dont know about the A either.
Any advice on what I can do until I get into counselling? Other books or coping techniques? Anything?!
Thanks again for listening...I feel so much better getting this down for others to read and respond to. I can actually get feedback rather than letting it all stay inside of me and eat me alive!
Thanks for the reply! Unfortunately we all have the same thing in common, some of us more than others. I used to share everything with my mom; she passed away in June 2012. I often wonder if I would have told her about this, but I am sure I would have. She was my rock, we were so close. I am going to attempt to start reading the book I have and hopefully that will suffice until IC and MC. I only wish I would have started posting here along time ago and read through all the things in the healing library. I was just so overwhelmed and still am but I want to get to a place (in my head) that I can deal with this intellctually and not so much emotionally. It is sooo exhausting to say the least! Thanks again and have a great weekend!
no wonder why you are dying inside.
Your husband is a selfish, cheating asshat.
I am sorry to be blunt, but I don't think I need to even tell you this.
You are not in R, he is doing the minimum to keep you quieted down and continues to do whatever he pleases.
He is lying about NC, he spoke Spanish so you couldn't understand what he was saying to the OW....THAT is not honesty.
He has been cheating on you since the early years. You said you got over it, but you didn't there was never any healing or resolution. you swept it under the rug and took care of your babies, and he continued/continues to cheat.
If I were you I would 180 him, start healing you and walk away from this shitty behavior until he decides he wants to be a real man and husband...if he doesn't decide that I would be damn sure I was healthy enough to walk on my own.
I would start a $$ fund for myself, put a little in it each week. Consult an attorney.
Stop letting him walk all over you and treat you like you worthless.
Decide you are worth more! You are a good, loving, caring woman who has supported him through 20 years of infidelity. It stops when you say it does. Please get help for you and stand up to this.
You know it is true, your gut has already talked to you.
(((hugs))) Take care of you.
I am sorry for the 2x4, but someone needs to stand up for you!! You can do this!
I'm sorry you're here. I'm glad you found SI. I usually lurk, but I had to respond here.
I'm really bad at advice, but I'm techy enough. There is a setting you can change in your google account settings, I think that allows your browser history to be shared among other devices. It's very likely that he's changed that setting. I've done it so my kids can't find SI when they use my laptop.
Here's a link to info on Chrome:
Edit: I'm bad at typing. :P
[This message edited by DancinOnThinIce at 3:06 PM, January 10th (Friday)]
I've never been good at sharing. ~ me