What is the best way to approach this subject with a friend or family member who asks about WSO without outting the situation and still leaving room for reconciliation without being questioned?
((healingsought)), at 3 weeks in you are still reeling. I am sure you are sleep deprived too with thoughts running through your head every moment of the day. It is hard to be in the R stage right now bc of that. The best thing you can do right now is take care of you.
To answer your question. You don't have to tell anyone, anything. Last year at this time when a friend asked me how H was I would say, "great. He's busy." and then change the subject. You am greatly relieved that I did not tell anyone on my street. One friend who lives around the corner knows and that is enough.
My sister, cousin and bf were the first to know. They were not even close to being ready to see/speak to my H 3 months from D-Day and I respected this. They didn't see what he was doing to repair and rebuild. They could only take my word that things were difficult but he was trying.
But after time - TIME - they followed my lead. Same with my parents. We told them this past summer. My H apologized to them bc he deceived them during his A. They hugged him. There were some tears. But again, they followed my lead. I told them that if he had not shown remorse. Had he not done everything to repair/rebuild on a CONSISTENT basis, we would not be together.
Incidentally, at 13 months my bf is still not ready to see him. This is hugely disappointing to me but something I need to accept.
At this point, you need to take care of you. He needs to keep owning it, going to counseling and doing a lot of introspection. After the Affair is an excellent book for both of you to read.
He understands why he did it, but does not understand why he let it go on for so long.
My H had a two year PA. At 13 months there are still no answers as to why or how he could let it go on this long. But my reasons....It was easy. It was fun. It was an escape.
I have come to accept this.
Good luck to you.