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So my STBXW asks me if she can take the kids to the Dominican Republic on a a work conference in March. The kids would be missing 5 days of school and it she was going to use her 19 year -old niece as a chaperone. I told her unequivocally - no and told her I would take it up with my lawyer if she fought me on it.

A) The kids would miss school and my DS struggles to keep up his grades

B) The niece needs a chaperone more than my DD -12. And frankly is not a good role model.

C) It infringes on my day to have the kids and we have not sorted out vacation schedules as the divorce is not finalized.

With all that is going on, THIS is what she spends her time thinking about - going to the beach??? She has no clue on the new financial reality - losing 45% of her income. Taking the kids out of the country with things so unsettled??

So she told the kids that I said "no". Oh well I guess I will have to be the bad guy and the grown up. She told me I could gloat in my "victory". She is whacked.

So she told the kids that I said "no". Oh well I guess I will have to be the bad guy and the grown up. She told me I could gloat in my "victory". She is whacked.

Cut - are you familiar with parental alienation? If not, time to start reading up on it and talk to your lawyer about it.

Talk to your lawyer and start documenting all known occurrences where she is bad mouthing you to the kids.

IMO I wouldn't let your STBXW take the kids out of the country.

No out of country trips until D is finalized and you trust each other enough, for sure.

My WW was insane in the opposite way. I'm from out of country originally so originally right after DD she went to see a L. I don't know what she told the L about me but she came back panicked, calling me (me!) a "flight risk" and "likely to kidnap her children" to take them to my home country. Talk about reflected guilt, or a xenophobic/bigoted lawyer, or both.

Maybe she was just trying to get me angry so she could accuse me of something else, don't know. My response was to give her my passport. Hers? "You could easily get another one anyway". Can't win with W thinking. We are the bad guy in their distorted movie.

Foggy, selfish thinking is a pain in the ass on us BSs. Stay firm and fair. Even if none of your reasons applied, taking kids out of country in the middle of this is ill-advised and dangerous for all concerned. Don't sign any permissions for it and keep your lawyer up to speed on her intentions.

There is no way I would allow that either. First off, she will spend zero time with the kids, she is trying to bribe them to "pick her" as the favorite parent and really taking a 19 year old along to supervise. Not smart at all. I would definitely have something in the decree about taking the kids out of the country.

I would not allow an out of country trip with the kids til well after the divorce dust settled.

I would certainly not allow them to miss school for her work conference. Ridiculous.

Stand your ground and document the bad mouthing. I am in a similar situation and keep a journal where I record every disparaging remark.

What a clueless piece of shit.