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Husbands Texting Affair at Least with a Stripper

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dolphin1111 posted 1/10/2014 09:58 AM

I found out a couple months ago that my husband of 22 years had a texting affair with a Stripper that lasted for six months until I caught him. He has a job where he was able to intensly text back and forth with the heigth of it being up to 70 times a day. To add insult to injury, this started while I was away on a out-of-state business trip,soon followed by having total double knee replacement surgery and recovery. We are trying to reconcile but it has been incredibly difficult for me and I spend most of my days sad, angry and sometimes in rage. I would like to talk with others who have also had their parnter have an affair with a sex worker.
My best to all of you for hope, health and healing!

SisterMilkshake posted 1/10/2014 11:12 AM

Welcome, dolphin1111, to the best club you don't want to belong to. I am so sorry you had to find us, but glad that you did.

All the emotions you are going through are normal. What have you both been doing to "try" to reconcile?

Many here have had experiences with the WS involved with a sex worker. I hope some of them see this post so they can talk to you. That wasn't my experience, but wanted to welcome you and let you know we hear you.

eta: Have you read the Healing Library here? It is in the yellow box, upper left hand corner. Please read at least the BS FAQ's. So very, very helpful. Also, there is a thread in the Wayward forum called "Things that every WS needs to know", print that out and give it to your WH.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:20 AM, January 10th (Friday)]

gutfeeling posted 1/10/2014 11:43 AM

Has your WH admitted to a PA yet?

Skan posted 1/10/2014 17:53 PM

Hello there. Glad that you found us for support. Not that you had the reason to, but that you DID find us.

My FWH had an EA with a stripper. He was convinced that they had a connection. Yeah, that connection was a wallet on his end and a lap dance on her end, pun intended. He would save up money in the secret account that he had and when it hit a certain point, cash it out and go to the club to watch her hump a pole and them come chat with him and sweet talk him into lap dances. As you can see, it was a very deep and emotional connection.

She, of course, was only in it for the money. He was willing to suspend belief so that he had a good fantasy. Luckily for me, other than her grinding onto his hand and shoving her ass and fake boobs into his face , that's as far as it went. But it took about 9 months of IC and MC for him to slowly, slowly, realize that his biggest attraction as far as she was concerned, was the size of his wallet.

Hopefully, your WH will pull his head out of his ass soon and realize that he was nothing but a walking ATM to this Ho. If not, I would suggest that you and he go to and take a look at their forums where the experienced strippers teach the newbys how to separate a man from his wallet with the least amount of work. It doesn't take much just faking that you actually are interested in the bull-shit that comes out of their mouths coupled with a few Oooohs and Aaahhhhhs!

hikingwithkoda posted 1/11/2014 10:38 AM

Very true, Skan -

For strippers and sex workers, men are merely a means to an end, and that end is $$$. When I was a (naive) young man I used to think strippers had it made; super-easy work (let's face it, you don't even have to know how to dance) and TONS of money. Now I realize it's a soul-deadening job; I've had a few as clients and they have literally lost the ability to have genuine, caring relationships. Men are objects, providers of income, and nothing more.

SisterMilkshake posted 1/11/2014 10:42 AM

My DS27 was a door man at a "club" for a couple of years. It was eye opening for him.

He knows who these women really are (although, to my dismay, he dated one for a short time, she was actually featured in Playboy as one of the girls of the Big Ten) they are very sad, messed up people. If they don't go into it messed up, they wind up messed up, changing into very cynical jaded people and, as hiking says, unable to have any authentic relationships.

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