Are we still friends?
To clarify, since you don't know my story and it's not in my profile: I gave up a really great career for him, moved a significant distance, and basically started my entire life over for him, because as I said, deciding to marry him was such as easy decision. I thought we were perfect, and I thought that marrying one of my best and oldest friends was perfect. He knew me, he knew what I'd lived through, we shared values and wanted the same kind of life, there were no red or yellow flags at all.
We were separated within six months and divorced within the year, after I found out he got himself a girlfriend three months into our marriage, and that he was pursuing bisexual tendencies that he had hidden from myself and everyone else in his life. I'm a huge advocate for the lgbt community, and if he'd told me while we were friends that he thought he might be gay or bisexual, I would have been his biggest champion. Instead he lied and used me as a cover so he could go sneaking around without being suspected.
Those last few months his lies started to crack and I learned that this charming, successful, intelligent, self assured, confident friend of all those years was really a confused, defensive, self absorbed mamas boy who was looking for someone to fix his problems so he wouldn't have to take ownership or or responsibility for anything in his a life. Major FOO issues, a ridiculous web of lies throughout every aspect of his life, and a gaping hole where his self identity should have been, which he routinely tries to fill with the identity of strong women, myself being one of them.
He and OW, I am told, are still together. After he walked out on dday, I have heard from him exactly four times: once when I threatened to get rid of his belongings if he didn't tell me what his plan was to remove them from my home, once to confirm he had filed the taxes I sent him, once when he came to the house to actually get his stuff (at which time he stayed outside and my friends brought everything out to him, and I stayed inside, so we never actually spoke), and once regarding some items that were left behind.
He never apologized or showed any sort of remorse for using and screwing me over when I sacrificed so much for him, or for his actions. He told our friends that I wasn't what he thought I would be after we got married, he was disappointed that I expected him to help out around the house (quite literally just taking out the trash) and that I took a job with a nonprofit, when he thought I had higher earning potential, because his plan was to take a year off work after he finished his MA, because he wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail, and he needed someone to fund it.
No, I should say we are not friends.
[This message edited by Amazonia at 7:50 PM, January 10th (Friday)]