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Newest Member: danisisu7 (61142)

User Topic: Do you consider yourself an AP, if your Wayward left for the AP?
♀ 41880
Member # 41880
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, once WBF left me to freely engage in the relationship that he started while still with me, I actually became the EA/PA partner. I think...I'm so confused if it counts as such or not, since I was the primary partner to begin with.

I had been pregnant when he cheated, and I lost the baby. It was a long drawn out miscarriage, and I had to have a D&C procedure and was on a heavily cocktail of antibiotics for a short while afterward.

After his vacation out of state (when the affair occurred), she came to visit him for a few days in our state. We were broken up at this point. I slept with him the night before she arrived, while I was being treated with antibiotics. Bad, I know, but I did - I was drunk and sad. I still sometimes think it's funny she got to sleep right in the same spot that I did 24 hours previously, and I know he didn't even change the sheets. They didn't have sex, because he got a mild...uh...infection from having sex with me (all the antibiotics I was on wiped out the healthy bacteria in his urinary tract), so I love that I ruined that experience for them. They did have oral. Only for her though, because he was hurting. Ugh.

A few weeks after that (I had gone NC with him), he was so remorseful that after spending time with her on the phone (they had a LD relationship) he would call me sobbing and drunk, saying how he made a mistake and just wanted to be with me, spend his life with me, and loved only me.

I didn't let that go on very long, I just recommended to him to get professional help for 6 weeks, and then he could approach me about it again in the therapist's office. I really felt like he was so uncertain of what he wanted, and I didn't want to hear it again unless he was in full committal to our relationship.

I still can't help feeling like maybe I was the OW to the OW...which is lame.

ME: BGF/ now his DW
HIM: WBF/now my DH
Kids: 4
DD: 06/02 - on vacation in another state without me. R 09/02. Married 2003.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so you were with to him and he was carrying on/continuing his affair?

No, I think that makes you traumatized, not the OW.

The A and loss of the baby, he was taking advantage of you.

Don't beat yourself up, we all do things right after dday that we normally wouldn't. We can all be a little bat-shit-crazy.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely not an AP. He was M to you, so you simply can't be an AP.

His ow may have seen his being with you as betraying her, but you are not anything at all like an AP in that triangle. It may be nice to think of her suffering, though....

[This message edited by sisoon at 12:03 PM, January 10th (Friday)]

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16581 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 3

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