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New Beginnings :
Name change

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 StillLivin (original poster member #40229) posted at 4:09 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2014

I'm changing my last name back to my maiden name after the D is final.

How long does it take to get used to your maiden name?

It took me about a year to get used to the M last name. Everytime someone called me by the last name (I was military), I looked, but only because I was looking for my H.

Then I would realize it was me they were calling.

I don't want to take a whole year to get used to my "real" last name.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014

posts: 6242   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 6633381
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Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 4:15 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2014

Oh it was pretty instantaneous for me. I had my maiden name for 24 year and only had my married for 3 years. There were still things with my maiden name I hadn't gotten around to changing

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

posts: 3640   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2011   ·   location: The Valley of the Sun
id 6633398
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ISPIFFD ( member #26367) posted at 6:34 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2014

It took me awhile. At first, even though it was the name I used since I was born, I hadn't used it in 28 years, so it just sounded and felt sort of foreign for quite a few months. Getting used to signing it took even longer. In fact, when I initial things now, I'm just as likely to intial IB as ID. No one really seems to care, but it's just a muscle memory

I'm done here; sick of 2 x 4s

posts: 2057   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2009
id 6633661
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 6:43 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2014

Instantaneous!

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6633672
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 7:02 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2014

Personally it was instant. Took friends a while.

Funny story... I am a teacher and did not teach the 5 years before my divorce, but taught for 12 years with my married name. I went back to teaching 4 years ago, post divorce, teaching kindergarten.

I would sometimes talk to the kids in third person. I would say "Friends, Mrs. "Married Name", wants you to put your things in your cubby."

I would quickly correct my mis-statement and say, "Ms. Chrysalis wants you to put your things away."

Finally, one little kid said who is this "Mrs. Married Name" you keep talking about?

It took me several months to deprogram myself. LOL

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 6633716
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 StillLivin (original poster member #40229) posted at 7:38 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2014

Thanks everybody for the prompt responses. I can always count on SI....shame I could rarely count on POS STBX.

Well, been married just shy of 8 been together about 10.

Feels weird coming off of my tongue when I say my full name with maiden last name.

Think I'll just start practicing writing it a few minutes each day now to get a head start!

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014

posts: 6242   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 6633775
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 9:12 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2014

Pretty quickly... I was ready. I was so ready, I started using it again before it was legal for me to do so.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16592   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 6633912
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neverbeokay ( member #8275) posted at 9:21 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2014

I'm so happy I changed back to my maiden name as it was very easy for me to get used to saying it. People said they liked it much better; I do too!

posts: 361   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2005
id 6633927
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dignityintact ( member #32558) posted at 10:17 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2014

this post is so relevant to me!!

I've been toying with the idea for a few months now - my divorce is now in process, and yesterday I decided I was going to revert to my maiden name when it is finished! I'm really excited about it. I had my maiden name for 20 yrs, and then had his name for 20 yrs.

My rational was that if our marriage breakdown had been "nice" I probably would not feel so strongly about it all. However, I do not wish to be associated with a cruel, selfish and heartless man!

I was worried about the kids, but they understand, and it's quite common place these days.

"Sometimes on the way to the dream, you get a lost and find a better one"

Divorcing - at last!

posts: 94   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2011   ·   location: Uk
id 6634000
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phmh ( member #34146) posted at 1:03 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

I had XWH's last name for 11 years. It didn't take as long as I thought it would to adjust. Maybe a couple of weeks after the divorce was final?

I do have one rather funny story. I'm a runner, and signed up for a marathon that took place about 3 months after D-Day and 2 months before my D was final. I'd signed up using my maiden name, even though that wasn't my name yet.

When I went to pick up my number, it wasn't there because I went to my married name's line. I promised them I'd signed up, I didn't have any money with me to pay the fees again, could I run it and send a check in later since my registration must not have gone through?

The lady was so gracious, and about mile 14 or so I realized why I couldn't find my number! I found the lady after the race and we had a good laugh about it.

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

posts: 4993   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2011
id 6634288
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Got2GO ( member #26576) posted at 2:27 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

Omg! If you can believe this I never really got use to my married name! I didn't want to change my name but he insisted. As soon as I divorced I went back to my maiden name!

I don't think I'll marry again but if I do I would never change my name.

BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

posts: 111   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009   ·   location: got2go
id 6634391
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BrokenDaisy ( member #37063) posted at 2:40 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

Was almost instantaneous. Could be because the sound of his surname revolts me now. Changed my son's surname to mine too. So I'll have this surname the rest of my life whether I remarry ( not happening) or not!

Me xBW, him SA NPD WxH
1 son: sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
No longer broken
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

posts: 337   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2012
id 6634410
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Snapdragon ( member #4286) posted at 3:22 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

I'm with Got2GO! I never really got used to my married name. But when I got divorced I chose a surname that I wanted. It wasn't my maiden name. I didn't want my cheating father's name again. I chose one that pleased me and I adapted to it IMMEDIATELY!

Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink

posts: 4089   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2004   ·   location: Midwest
id 6634466
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Bluebird26 ( member #36445) posted at 5:43 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

For me not long at all. For others it took them a while Even nearly 3 years later my boss still has my email address in her address book as BB26 Married Name.

Hardest thing was changing my signature back, that took a bit of practise.

I absolutely hate it now when people use my married name, I'm like no that person is dead like the marriage

Me: BW

Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.

Life's good.

posts: 1530   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6634602
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newnormal ( member #21925) posted at 1:25 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

It's taking me a little while, but it's all good. I went from a 4 letter married name to a mile long, unpronounceable maiden name. People struggle to pronounce it and when they look at me and say I give up, I say "now you can understand how badly I wanted to get rid of that name".

I took my maiden name because I wanted to get back to basics, start over. Unanticipated bonus: it really bothers X when he calls my office.

BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo

posts: 1034   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2008
id 6634751
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cmego ( member #30346) posted at 2:36 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

I've had my married name almost as long as my maiden name…20 years now. With small kids, it just seems easier not to change my name. The kids freaked out when I talked to them about it…so..ehh. It doesn't bother me any longer. If I remarry, then I'll change names and keep my married name as my middle name for signing "things" for the kids. School forms, etc. They want the name connection to me, and I don't blame them.

Maybe it is good I've been separated for so long, I've let go of those issues. I remember the first year I couldn't wait to go back to my maiden name, and even called myself by that name. Just one of those things that time "fixed" for me.

me...BS, 46 years old.
Divorced

posts: 4745   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: South
id 6634797
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cayc ( member #21964) posted at 5:55 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

I didn't change my name because my D was finalized 3 weeks in to a new job & it seemed so awkward to change it then.

I also have a significant number of people who call me by my maiden name as a first name my maiden name has turned into one of those trendy androgynous names for girls so it sort of works I guess.

I go by the "a rose by any other name ..." theory. And since I'm one of the ones who wants to remarry, I plan on changing to a whole new name then

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2008   ·   location: Mexico
id 6634963
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fraeuken ( member #30742) posted at 6:03 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

I did not change it either. It would be too complicated between my Green Card, Passports etc. I might do it once my children have moved on from school and my Green Card and Passport need renewal.

I don't have a problem with carrying the name at this point. I am still very much part of his family so in an odd way I feel like I still belong to something.

And, my married name is so much prettier than my maiden name Ok, that's totally shallow.

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

posts: 1334   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6634969
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cass ( member #24261) posted at 6:30 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014

I only had my maiden name for 19 years, very short, only four letters. My married name was a complicated Scottish/Nordic name with English and other European complicated variations. I had this name for 20 plus years. It had 9 letters but could be spelled and pronounced a hundred different ways. I was forever correcting people and spelling it out for others.

It was a delight to return to my uncomplicated maiden name (when XH remarried and also both daughters married) but truthfully am still answering to both but using only one. I officially changed it back in 2009 but have still not got to the end of the list of people/companies I need to inform.

One day I will be completely rid of the married name and if I ever marry again will retain my own name.

I thought about my ancestry and their surnames. A friend invented an entirely new surname from letter of her ancesters but after much considereation I decided that I would return to my maiden name which I really like.

Good luck. Do what you want for yourself.

DDay - April 2008
Me - 58 and doing great, alone.

Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket!

posts: 5188   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2009   ·   location: Scotland
id 6635023
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