Second Dday was 01/02/14. The same thing happened on New Years Eve. I drank far too much and had extremely clouded judgement. This time it was with her best friend. OW also had far too much to drink and we both made a horrible decision. I have been honest with my BS about everything but there are very fuzzy moments that are not clear. I know that honesty, although extremely painful, helps in the healing process but there are things that I cannot give a clear answer too.
I am madly in love with my BS and have been for our entire relationship and cannot determine why I make such horrible decisions. I know that alcohol has a lot to do with my clouded judgement and have stopped drinking completely. My BS can drink just as much as I am but not make stupid decisions. Why am I so stupid when I am so happy with my life. Why have I tried to ruin my BS's life, my life, and the life of my children. How do I tell my BS I am sorry when I have said it before and then made the same damn mistake. I want nothing more than to fix this situation and have my BS know exactly how I feel about her and feel safe and secure.
[This message edited by Tickingtock at 7:38 PM, January 10th (Friday)]
Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
To me it seems you guys wonderfully reconciled but didn't really set up some vigilant guidelines. I like the fact that you forever forsake drinking of alcohol. Just as other people can drink a glass of wine each night and have no problem, some people, to them, this could mean destruction. You may have some other causes besides alcohol here. Alcohol may be a convenient solution right now but please dig deep. We cannot fix something if we don't know the root cause. Any other "fix" are just band-aids, temporary. This will continue to happen unless you truly know yourself.
Be forever vigilant in your love to your BS. write down a contract and set up consequences for each action. Write things down that you feel you should do every day to be a better. Maybe that will help.
I hope you and your wife will do all right and find your way.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
There's an obvious correlation here between drinking and making bad decisions. This doesn't give you a pass in any way shape or form - we are responsible for our choices regardless of our state.
How do I tell my BS I am sorry
That is not remotely the point. Telling someone you're sorry and getting them to "like" you again isn't the fix. You have broken her heart and your marriage at least twice here. You want REAL help? Atone for what you have done. Experience and express true remorse. Get into counseling.
I know that alcohol has a lot to do with my clouded judgment and have stopped drinking completely.
You've stopped completely.... for now. It would be in everyone's best interest if you expanded your circle of accountability (friends of the marriage, professionals) and got to the root of why the party had to include drinking to excess.
I really appreciate that you are here. The fix isn't quick - it's long and a lot of work, but your family is worth it.
I know that alcohol has a lot to do with my clouded judgement and have stopped drinking completely.
Some people can drink like a fish and be cool. Other people cannot. The blood on both sides of my family is highly addictive. I don't drink or take any meds for that very reason. I don't want to willingly put myself in a potentially dangerous situation not only for myself, but my family.
How do I tell my BS I am sorry when I have said it before and then made the same damn mistake.
This is no overnight fix. It'll take time. Be honest and consistent.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
It inhibits decision making, yes, but there is a reason you made that decision, and yes, YOU made it.
I am not bashing you, I made the same choice. But true recovery and self-awareness comes from finding the "why" of that decision.
Strongly recommend IC, and possibly alcohol recovery if you drink often.
Best of luck, and know that we are here for you.
DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago
"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."