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So I have an apt with an attorney today. My STBX hired the best attorney in the county; which he say is to protect himself because I filed for default. when the truth is that I only filed default because he told me (lying) that he had already hired an attorney and due to my work schedule and pay he would get more custody and I would owe him CS. He was being amicable due to me pretending there was R and giving him false hope. He says he'll drop his attorney depending if I drop the default or not. I don't beleive a word of it. I know that I should try to get half of his retirement because my student loans, which I just had to start paying $600 a month toward last month, are $55,000. However, only half of that amount went toward my schooling. The extra each semester, we used to fix up the house or catch up on bills. I hate that the system states that the ONE thing that is not considered shared property is student loans. WTF!

My issue is that I am a big fat pussy and feel bad for taking his 401k. I know I know, I shouldn't feel guilty at all, since his retirement would pay some of my tuition off. I am feeling so confused and conflicted. I don't know if I should let it all be handled in court or if we should try mediation. Part of me hopes that we stay amicable for our children, but the other part of me hopes he turns back into the monster I know he can be because it empowers me and erases the guilt of taking what I know in my mind I deserve. UGH!!!!

Just because you both have attorneys does not mean that you will go to trial. To me, it means that you work out what you can and let the attorney's iron out the wrinkles. You may not get default - but it doesn't have to be a court fight either.

I don't want to project too much -- but I've been dealing with this (or something similar to this) as well.

IMHO - even if you mediate, you still need an attorney to review to ensure that your interests are covered. A good mediator doesn't represent either of you and their job is to get an agreement. Personally, I would hope that both parties have their own attorney even if they mediate.

If you choose not to do formal mediation, that's ok too. The end goal is to get an agreement that you can both sign.

If you can't reach agreement, then the courts decide only on those aspect that you couldn't reach agreement on.

At least that is the impression I've gotten from the attorneys I've talked with.

I hope there are those who have BTDT that may be able to shine the light on this for both of us!

First of all...deep, calm,cleansing breath...

Don't worry that he hired the best attorney in the county. Ex-shat hired a very good, very expensive attorney. Guy's name was first on the damn law firm. Turns out he was a very ethical attorney who I suspect did not appreciate that ex-shat did not heed his legal advice.

Make sure that you are comfortable with your attorney, that your L understands your bottom line. Don't be afraid to ask questions regarding the process your attorney is going to pursue.

Next...do not, I repeat, DO NOT feel guilty for getting your share of his 401K. You were in a partnership that is designed to get you both financially ahead. When that partnership dissolves, it is only fair that ALL assets are dissolved in half.
FTG.