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caregiver9000 posted 1/10/2014 15:33 PM

There are just too many possibilities for hilarity in this story.

This is not Stretch's weekend. Last weekend (holiday time) was not his weekend either. I have agreed to (in the past) the boys going with their dad to dinner or for an ice cream or bowling after work. This last came up last summer. He asked, I agreed, it never happened.

Last weekend, Stretch thought it was his weekend, but it was "holiday" time. Anyway, he asked if he could take them to dinner one night this weekend if they didn't have plans. DS9 really wants to, DS12 is apathetic, but will probably go if they go somewhere he likes to eat.

DS9 called his dad just now to confirm dinner. They are on speaker phone talking about where to go. DS9 says he wishes it was just him and that DS12 would stay home. I don't think that is particularly funny but Stretch laughs loudly and says chuckling, "I really want to see both my sons." And I don't know what brain path he wandered down but THEN HE SAYS...

Your mom can come too, if she wants.

DS had gotten distracted, and so he said, "Who?"

(thanks son. That didn't need to be repeated...)

Stretch says again, "Your mom can come too, if she wants."

DS turns to me. MOM?

Me: No, baby, I am going to take a pain pill and rest right here. (and type this up and laugh hysterically with my SI peeps while y'all go and eat dinner)

DS repeats into the phone "Soooo, Mom does NOT want to go." Emphatic. Very clear. Not surprised. (was there an edge of I can't believe dad is a dumbass and even asked? I can't say for sure. The voices in my head were to busy going Whaaaaaaaah?
)

So ..... if I HAD gone.

Who would pay?

Stretch: So you gonna get this? That's what child support is for...... (oh, wait.
or
Stretch: (to the waiter) One check. (So, is this a date then?)

Dinner conversation

Stretch: Remember when we used to do this when we were a happy family and I had a girlfriend?
or
Stretch: So I didn't see you in court this week. Whats up with that?
or
Stretch: Sorry I owe you so much money... How's that $1.99 taco I am planning on charging to OW? Kinda makes things even, right?


Delusional much, Stretch? If mom wants to go to dinner....

Do you think OW knows????

That man has no idea what goes on in my head or he would NOT invite me anywhere near his food.

Nature_Girl posted 1/10/2014 15:40 PM

Wait. What?

Seriously?

nutmegkitty posted 1/10/2014 15:45 PM

That is so weird.

badmedicine posted 1/10/2014 16:23 PM

HA HA. Glad you were able to laugh this one off. I also liked the possible scenarios regarding dinner conversation and the check.

Is he trying to stir up drama by having your son ask you? Or is he just so clueless....???

Enjoy that pain pill and the night off.

ruby44 posted 1/10/2014 16:54 PM

mine took the girls for dinner last night, and I was sitting at the table (on SI) the girls run to the mudroom to get their shoes, I look up at him standing at the front door and he mimes "do you want to come too?" I say NO! I was like really, the last time you took me to dinner, you informed me that you filed for divorce. Really, what is the next bit of info for me, OW's pregnant, your moving in with her. Really? Do not understand why they think they can rip our hearts out and stomp on them for good measure then see if we want to go break bread! I enjoyed my quiet bowl of soup, thank you very much.

peridot posted 1/10/2014 17:25 PM

Next he will be asking if you can all be friends.

neverwillhapn2me posted 1/10/2014 17:30 PM

I don't have any clever humour to add, just thank you caregiver for the laugh and but a moment of taking my mind off of my world which is currently spinning out of control.

There is hope, thank you for giving it to me.

StillLivin posted 1/10/2014 17:35 PM


Guess it was supposed to be a bonding kumbaya moment!

caregiver9000 posted 1/10/2014 18:08 PM

oh, NG, you've met the voices in my head? perfect!!

weird, yes.

clueless, yes.

can we be friends? NO. But, yes, he will probably ask.

ruby, I am sorry yours is also weird, clueless and thinks you should be all forgiving and "kumbaya."

It has been almost 4 years. 4 YEARS. Most of what he does now is pathetic and funny to me, but it sure wasn't at first. ah, blessed time.... It does give perspective.

I also suspect that it has taken this long, but (maybe possibly just perhaps) some of the consequences of his actions are beginning to be felt by him. And if so, I am sure he has wondered if he could sucker me into being a soft place to land and/or a way out of some of his "hard places." yeah, um, no. (see NG's laughing men again)

ChoosingHope posted 1/10/2014 18:31 PM

Oh, a good Stretch story - yay!

So, is it because NPDs really don't have any empathy or real feelings? That they think that their ex-wives should be friends with them? After everything they've done? Like they didn't do anything wrong? And that you should all go out for a fun family dinner when he doesn't pay child support.

Are they that clueless?? Would you describe it as clueless?

I don't get it.

Genius can pitch a fit and scream and attack me one minute because I tell him he needs car seats in his car for the children - and then the very next minute he'll email me and ask if he can borrow my Creuset baking dish so he can make a lovely dinner for SA OW.

I don't get it. But I just remembered that he never returned the dish!

caregiver9000 posted 1/10/2014 18:41 PM

I am sure in his mind it is something like

Dinner? what's the big deal? you have to eat right? I am not such a bad guy... I am charming and brilliant and surely you are over me by now. I am magnanimous and offered for you to go so you would not have to be home by yourself for an hour. sigh... just like when we were married, you never wanted to do stuff with us. Always trying to get a minute to yourself... YOU wanted to have kids! I am so glad I left you. I am hungry. YUM! cheese dip!

Hope, I can't believe you let him borrow your pan? I let him borrow 17 years of my life. No more. Now that he has it, though, it will be cheaper to buy a new one than to try to get it back.

ChoosingHope posted 1/10/2014 18:46 PM

Dinner? what's the big deal? you have to eat right? I am not such a bad guy... I am charming and brilliant and surely you are over me by now. I am magnanimous and offered for you to go so you would not have to be home by yourself for an hour. sigh... just like when we were married, you never wanted to do stuff with us. Always trying to get a minute to yourself... YOU wanted to have kids! I am so glad I left you. I am hungry. YUM! cheese dip!

Hope, I can't believe you let him borrow your pan? I let him borrow 17 years of my life. No more. Now that he has it, though, it will be cheaper to buy a new one than to try to get it back.

Yes, I'm nodding away here. This is it! Genius, then, is thinking "That x**c*** is trying to stop ME the almighty brilliant father-of-the-year from breaking the law and risking my child's life by driving without a child seat! What does she know anyhow? Why would they make such a dumb law? I'm too special to follow that law. Gosh, I wonder what SA OW would like for dinner tonight? Oh shoot, I don't own any pots. Oh, must ask STBXW to borrow pot! YUM I love stew. I am so glad I left STBXW. And she has too many pots. Oops must keep eyes on road since I'm breaking the law."

Sigh.

ChoosingHope posted 1/10/2014 18:47 PM

ps: We can all learn so much from Stretch.

phmh posted 1/10/2014 19:14 PM

So funny.

I'm becoming more and more convinced that these cheaters who lose their family eventually realize that they traded in a Ferrari for a Yugo, even if it takes years.

gonnabe2016 posted 1/10/2014 19:39 PM

???!!!???
oh wait. That was a *serious* offer?????


Oh, just had a thought. Did you consider that it was Stretch being snarky? (since apathetic DS12 had just been mentioned, wouldn't it make sense to mention apathetic exW next and get *another* big guffaw out of his system?)


@CH -- what you wrote is how my L pictures my stbx because he is constantly causing some type of chaos or drama. Always chasing the little pinpoint light beam......

SBB posted 1/10/2014 19:53 PM

That man has no idea what goes on in my head or he would NOT invite me anywhere near his food.

Oh, stretch. I'm not laughing with you, I'm laughing at you.

I can see the sad clown doing this. Acting all "Mr I Want to Be Friends but Your Mum Doesn't" Wa Wa Wa.

caregiver9000 posted 1/10/2014 19:57 PM

Stretch doesn't do snark. He does snide, but this was sincere. Deluded but sincere.

It is a recent pattern. The "Merry Christmas" text and the concerned email after I broke my foot offering to "do whatever.... like groceries" if I needed anything.

Good ole Stretch, good for a laugh. I can't remember who put "Uncle Eddie" from Christmas Vacation in as Stretch, but that is how I think of him now and I KNOW him!!

gonnabe2016 posted 1/10/2014 20:01 PM

Was Uncle Eddie the one with the dickie?

caregiver9000 posted 1/10/2014 20:08 PM

YES!!!!

solus sto posted 1/10/2014 23:57 PM

I have no words. But

[This message edited by solus sto at 11:58 PM, January 10th (Friday)]

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