Like everyone else here, I'm completely devastated by my W affair. She still claims that it was just a friendship, but the sheer amount of texts, and their content speak otherwise. They met in the classroom, he was her instructor. I know they stayed after class, and that they met on other occasions. She sexted him (both of us actually) and said it was just once, even though they sent close to 50 pictures or more. After DDay, the only time she comes close to showing any remorse is when we talk/fight. She never shows any outward emotioins of hurt, happiness, remorse, pain, sorrow, etc. About 4 years ago, I too, stepped out on her and had an affair that was emtionally and physically charged. It devastated me to see her pain, to see her not eat, to lose weight, to lose her train of thought, to watch her mood swings. I tried to comfort and reassure her in every way I could I gave her access to my PC, phone, email accounts, facebook accounts, and would tell her on an almost daily basis that it was over (and it was over). Now that the roles have changed, I get virtually NONE of that reassurance from her. She fights me on locking her phone and often turns me out to be the bad guy for wanting to know what she's doing. She says that she wants to keep her independence. Well, as of now, she's unlocked her phone and given me access to her PC. So she's showing some goodwill but I still don't trust her. After soo... many texts, and being so involved with him, I don't think they've quit.
After her DD with me, I was so ready to have my "relationship" with the OW and quit living the lie. I was relieved to have it out in the open. Because of my experience of hurting her, I guess I expect some of the same actions I showed to her returned to me. She thinks that's unreasonable and that they're 2 different things, and that the circumstances are different.
Anyway, things are an up and down rollercoaster. i think things would go a little better is she was more remorseful. It just doesn't seem like there is anything there anymore.