It's been 34 or so days since D-Day. I would love to break the other guy in half. I feel like we have moved forward and she claims this experience as been so horrific she would never cheat again. However it has been only 34 days ... In 34 days I have gotten less than 110 hours of sleep and when I do sleep I have dreams.
It only took her 30 days to finally realize her web of lies and minimization were only making things work. So here I sit, annoyed, tired, irritated, sad and unhappy.
Do I want this relationship or not? God I do love her but can hardly stand to look at her sometimes. It's just all surreal; I sit hear reading other people's stories and I see some have been doing this 2, 3 and 4 years. Not me no way no how. I don't have it in me.
So I guess for now I can vent here .. clear my mind and move on. Until it's time not to move on with this relationship. I don't think she truly gets the fact that it is over and she ended it... I am fighting for a relationship that she quit on and now through a carthartic moment she supposedly wants. Only problem is she has not worked 1/10th as hard as I have at this. I lie awake at night tossing and turning and she's snoring ...
This is just a guy got kicked in the gut and continues to take kicks... for what I am not sure but I know one thing - I am no one's punching bag and if she can't get her head out of a** then I have to move forward.
I know how this story ends: 18 Months I am happier than I am today with or without her .. I have to step up take control and move forward. The only easy day was yesterday... nothing can be truer.
Thanks for letting me vent and ramble...