(6 months since DD, in R)
You know whats really annoying? I hate that (almost) everyone in our social circle has no idea what my WBF has done. I have told very few friends. But I know that they would all be completely shocked if they knew.
Instead, whenever we are out to dinner...or at parties...they all see me smiling and laughing and us being affectionate, and have no clue!
I know it means absolutely NOTHING at all, and what is happening is between me and my BF only, but sometimes I want him to feel the shame of knowing that everyone knows...and for him to be judged by the people he cares about...is that so wrong? lol
Sometimes it just feels like even when the WBF is doing everything right, he never suffers as much as the BP...or as much as he should...
Together 9 years
DDay: June 24, 2013
Even after the divorce, I only tell people if they ask why we split up, but word has gotten around about how he treated me - the multiple affairs and cruel comments - and he isn't thought of as such a great guy by everyone anymore. In fact, certain circles call him a cad. Small potatos compared to what he put me through, but it still feels nice to hear that some of his co workers care how he treated his ex-wife.
"WHAT?! If he would cheat then I don't have faith in men!"
and one girlfriend told me that my BF being unfaithful made her realize that her BF actually could be as well. Basically implying that if my BF was capable, then anyone is.
I guess that is the truth though...no? Anyone IS capable. But it is still a choice...
But I guess its better that I didn't. I think over time I'd begin to feel like people didn't feel sorry for me, but were really just pitying me and wondering why I would even stay with him if he cheated...
We are doing pretty well in R now so I guess I'm glad I didn't do that...looking back
That really sucks that some of your family members have turned their backs on you...not cool
IMO - every person on this earth is only human, and therefore capable of mistakes. While I obviously hurt (every day) and have felt a crazy wave of emotions over the last 6 months, I don't think anyone should be judged in that way.
Its really easy for people who ARE NOT in your situation to tell you what to do...hell, before all this happened I remember having conversations with my girlfriends about how if my BF ever cheated I would leave his ass so fast he wouldn't know what hit him! And...obviously that didn't happen!
But before it did, I sure thought I knew what I would do! And what was right! Now I know that every situation is different.
I hope things with your family get better!! :)
And I'm over here raising my hand, me too! me too! I was 100% certain that I would dump a guy who cheated on me. Right. We tried reconciliation (I thought we were doing well) and 3 years later, he was the one who said he wanted out. I believe there is no way to understand infidelity unless it happens to you.
I didn't tell anyone about his cheating until I knew for certain that the marriage was truly over. I knew my family would never forgive him. They haven't. I don't know what they would do if I went back.
The funny thing is, the people I would feel the worst about disappointing if I went back are the people I don't even know. His co-workers who heard about all of his crap trash talk him now. He dropped off a resume in one office to woman there I never met her, but my sister knows her. She smiled at him and threw it in the trash!!!! How could I disappoint her?
[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 1:44 AM, January 11th (Saturday)]
I hate that (almost) everyone in our social circle has no idea... Instead, whenever we are out to dinner...or at parties...they all see me smiling and laughing and us being affectionate, and have no clue!
For me, at this point in time, it's best to not disclose to others.
Worst part is...a lot of you wrote that you get friends telling you how lucky you are to have such a great guy/girl, and while I do hear that too...I usually hear how lucky HE IS TO HAVE ME!
He's a very adventurous guy (think BEAR GRYLLS! Google him if you don't know who he is! lol) and he's always taking crazy trips that are way beyond my (and any rational persons!) capability physically. He's also a mechanic, which requires him to spend a lot of time in the garage...every night.
I'm not going to lie that it is sometimes a lonely relationship, BUT I have been with him for 7 years and I excepted a long time ago the lifestyle that he lived. Isn't that what love is? I don't try to change him.
Most of our friends have told him how lucky he is to have a GF like me who is so understanding and supportive, and in their words "Let's him get away with so much!" Most of them are married and starting families, so their men are on "lock down" so to speak.
The thought of their significant others taking a three week motorcycle trip from Pennsylvania to California and back (which he's done twice!), seems so alien to them. Makes me want to cry. They all see how lucky he is...how can he be such a dumb ass to have risked losing it?
I think what keeps me going is the fact that (sometimes its even hard to except this and hard to write it now) He IS a good guy. The only way I can even understand why he did it is to think that he made a terrible mistake. Because the man I know...the man I love...just couldn't and wouldn't do something like this.
But to mirror what phoenixrise said about throwing tomatoes - YES! Sometimes I'll be at a social gathering with him and I'll be watching him from across the room. Hes having a great time...and I just want to walk over to him and kick him in the nuts! So far I have managed to refrain from such acts...lol. Lucky him I guess...