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I'm hoping he's not the last...

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Harriet posted 1/10/2014 20:38 PM

Have you ever woken up with a strange thought? I don't know what I was dreaming, but I woke up this morning thinking, "I hope WH isn't the last person I make love to." I want it to be with someone who loves me back! Or at least some hot guy where the feelings of lust are mutual and honest . I haven't been with anyone else in well over 25 years and certainly don't see anyone in my immediate future, though.

caregiver9000 posted 1/10/2014 20:49 PM

A sign of healing!!!

Yes, I remember thinking that. I pretty much insured that he would not be the last man I kissed by kissing a virtual stranger almost immediately. The other I was smart enough to wait on.

Nature_Girl posted 1/10/2014 21:26 PM

OMG, I'd never thought of it that way. I think I'm going to be sick!

inconnu posted 1/10/2014 21:34 PM

That thought, among others, was a prime reason I worked so hard on healing myself during the divorce. I knew, with absolute certainty, that the last time I had sex was not going to be the god-awful, drunken anniversary sex I had with now-ex during what was false-R.

And I am so grateful, and such a lucky, lucky woman, that it was not.

BrokenDaisy posted 1/10/2014 21:35 PM

OMG, I'd never thought of it that way. I think I'm going to be sick!

My exact reaction and thoughts!!

Harriet posted 1/11/2014 00:24 AM

Arg. Sorry to put that in your head! I have no idea how it popped into mine.

cmego posted 1/11/2014 06:34 AM

Well, for me…the first guy after ex was amazing. I had no idea what I was missing.

tryingagain74 posted 1/11/2014 08:35 AM

Ugh. Same here. For me, the last time was desperate, "pick me" sex in the few days between DDay 1 and 2 when I thought there was still a marriage to salvage. I'd love to wipe that mental slate clean with something far more appealing!

PhoenixRisen posted 1/11/2014 11:30 AM

OMG, I'd never thought of it that way. I think I'm going to be sick!

Ugg me too!

Esp since the last time I cried through it and ex never even noticed/cared (classic NPD)

copout posted 1/11/2014 11:46 AM

I also haven't been with anyone in 25+ years.
I just can't imagine at this age taking off my clothes in front of someone.
I just hope to one day meet the person that it won't matter to.

fraeuken posted 1/11/2014 11:54 AM

I had that thought too, and it really beat me down for a while. There was no candidate in sight, not a guy to date seriously and not even anybody for a FWB relationship.

I was on the bus for 15 months. About 9 months into it I met a man and for the first time in a long time I felt physically very attracted to somebody. Another 6 months later I was off the bus and hopped onto the back of his motorcycle :-)

While it did not end as I had hoped, I had the same experience as cmego. The sex was amazing, very passionate and loving, something I had not experienced in a loooooooonnnnnnnnnnng time.

Don't let that thought beat you down. It might be a while but it will probably happen when you least expect it.

[This message edited by fraeuken at 11:54 AM, January 11th (Saturday)]

dignityintact posted 1/11/2014 13:27 PM

this was a huge thing for me too….I had only ever been with my ex too

well, after 3 years, I did sleep with someone else, it didn't work out (another thread), but I'm so pleased I threw the elephant out of the room. It was amazing too, and I'm so excited for the next phase…

it'll come to all of us when we are ready, and be so much better!!

iamsoblind42 posted 1/12/2014 10:39 AM

Well I guess my silver lining is that I have not had sex with WH in 2 months. DDay was just yesterday for me so still on serious roller coaster of emotions.

Reason we have not had sex is that I had pelvic floor surgery followed by a tummy tuck.

At least anyone new will get "new body" that my WH will never touch.

I can't imagine ever forgiving him.

SBB posted 1/12/2014 15:52 PM

At least anyone new will get "new body" that my WH will never touch.

I haven't had surgery but I remember having this thought a lot in the early days whenever I was naked - mostly when just out of the shower. There was a lot of comfort in it - kind of like I was reclaiming my own body: 'He'll never see or touch this part of me again'.

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